‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

On Christmas Eve, Ralph is excited to give Alice her Christmas present. Only for a neighbor to show up and give Alice the exact same gift. With time running out and limited funds, Ralph has to run out and find a new gift for Alice. I don’t claim to be an expert when it comes to early television shows, but watching this particular episode of The Honeymooners felt like discovering the Rosetta Stone of sitcoms. With every physical gag and wacky plot twist playing out before a live studio audience for what was probably the first time. I was especially surprised to see that the entire episode took place in Ralph and Alice’s kitchen. Twenty-six minutes of old-timey TV taking place in one tiny location. Maybe every episode of the show was like that. A real expert could probably tell you if that was the case or not. As for me, I’ll probably never know.

Rating: A partridge in a pear tree%

(Image from IMDB)

A Christmas Story

While the Martins are in Capital City shopping for Christmas presents, Lassie pushes a little girl out of the path of an oncoming truck. The girl is saved but Lassie sustains some serious injuries. Dr. Weaver, reluctant to perform the necessary operation himself, suggests that only one man might be able to save Lassie. But the specialist, Dr. Watkins, cannot be reached. With Lassie injured, this particular episode of Lassie focuses mainly on Timmy and the rest of the Martin family. If you're a dog lover or an old softy like me, this episode will definitely tug at the heart strings. But don't worry folks, this isn't Dragnet, Lassie survives.

Rating: Gingerbread Santy Clauses%

The Big .22 Rifle For Christmas

Sergeant Friday and Officer Smith respond to a call about a missing kid. Some blood and the empty casing from a .22 caliber bullet are found outside the boy's home. Soon after, another boy is reported missing. By day's end, both boys will be found but only one of them will be opening their Christmas presents this year. My experience with and knowledge of Dragnet is mostly limited to the 1987 movie version starring Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks, so I'm probably not the best person to judge the original 50s TV incarnation but man, this shit was dour. Dragnet had to be one of the earliest procedural shows, so I can forgive some of its tropes. The voice over narration, the flat dialogue, the staggering abundance of hats. Maybe it was just this particular episode. Maybe some of the other crimes investigated on the show lead to happy endings, but that was definitely not the case this time.

Rating: A Catcher's Mitt%

Christmas Show

I used to have trouble sleeping on Christmas Eve when I was a kid. I would be so excited for Christmas morning that I would toss and turn all night. I would check the alarm clock over and over again, counting down the hours until I was allowed to get up. One year, in an effort to alleviate my yuletide insomnia, I decided to sneak in some late night TV. But because it was either the late eighties or early nineties, my options were limited. I ended up watching a few episodes of I Love Lucy that night. I hated it. It was worse than the insomnia. It never really stood a chance though. I was a kid, all jacked up on Christmas, and it was a black and white TV show that was already very old at the time. And, up until I watched "The I Love Lucy Christmas Special" DVD, that was the last time I intentionally watched the show. Seeing it this time around, as a middle aged man, proved to be much more enjoyable. The special, which originally aired in 1956, featured Lucy, Ricky, Fred and Ethel reminiscing about the good times while trimming the tree on Christmas Eve. Those good times being, of course, flashbacks to earlier episodes. Despite thinking I would hate it, just like I did when I was a kid, I actually found it charming and wholesome. The theatricality of the show and goofy, slapstick humor really worked for me this time around. Go figure.

Rating: Train Set%