Paul Blart: Mall Cop

#98 on Chris' Bottom 100 Movie List

$33.8 million? Jesus wept.

RATING: 1%

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

#99 on Chris' Bottom 100 Movie List

I am giving this movie a slot on my "Bottom 100 Movie List" prehumously (sure, why not). It's not out, I haven't seen it and I don't plan to see it. But you don't need to see every movie to know it sucks do you? I'm actually too embarrassed to even put an image from the actual film on this website. I'll just leave you with the synopsis courtesy of our friends at Rotten Tomatoes:

"In the Disney comedy, BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA, a pampered Beverly Hills Chihuahua named Chloe (voice of DREW BARRYMORE) finds herself accidentally lost in the mean streets of Mexico without a day spa or Rodeo Drive boutique anywhere in sight. Now alone for the first time in her spoiled life, she must rely on some unexpected new friends -- including a street-hardened German Shepherd named Delgado (voice of ANDY GARCIA) and an amorous pup named Papi (voice of GEORGE LOPEZ) -- to lend her a paw and help her to find her inner strength on their incredible journey back home."

Wow, the mean streets of Mexico? No, there's nothing wrong with that.

RATING: 3%

Bones

#100 on Chris' Bottom 100 Movie List

PLOT: Snoop Dogg plays a drug kingpin loved by the neighborhood (I guess because people loved drugs in that neighborhood?) who is killed by a corrupt cop and an old jealous "associate". His spirit then comes back in the body of a black dog named (guess what?) Bones. Then he kills a lot of people.

Obviously Snoop Dogg is an awful actor, but I thought Snopp Dogg was about as charming as you can possibly find a gangster. He was not as fun after he was resurrected, which is sad because things should be more fun when you don't have to worry about a job or paying bills. If I were a ghost I would let the bad stuff in my last life go because now you can just go around and scare everyone. Why so much anger? Let it go! Get out there and have some fun now. I feel like this is a terrible rip-off of a terrible Nightmare On Elm Street. Uh, like Freddy's Dead.

RATING: 19%