Short reviews of pretty much whatever. Finally, you can discover if Frosted Flakes Gold has more social worth than Illmatic or Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare.
Orbitz was a clear, thick, fruit-flavoured drink full of slimy little balls that slid down your throat like the semen of some horrible cartoon incubus. I think it was called Orbitz because you needed a healthy dose of Newton's inverse-square law to keep from puking it back up, or maybe it was supposed to sound futuristic or something. The 1990's were so fucking stupid.
People who want to feel like a big shot law student in New York but don't want to date losers or study all the time can always ingest the seeds of Papaver somniferum in some ethnic-urban confection and then fail a drug test. However, my own research suggests that attempting to extract the trace alkaloids (i.e. opium) from 600 grams of seeds using a mixture of water, lemon juice and heat results in a foul tasting, oily mixture with no apparent medicinal properties. Disappointed readers might try befriending a hill tribe or Laurie.
Kevin on The Office said it best: "It's like eating a hot circle of garbage." The toppings are pedestrian and of dubious freshness, the crust tastes like grease and MSG, and the slogan "Now you're eating!" is even stupider than Dane Cook's latest DVD. Pizza where I'm from is bad, but pizza in Texas is bad.
Let's pretend that back around 1997, a disgusted Jolly Green Giant swore that he wouldn't wash his 
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