Hard Target

Chance Boudreaux, a down on his luck merchant seaman, is hired by Natasha Binder to find her missing father. Together, they uncover a ruthless organization that's been hunting homeless veterans on the streets of New Orleans. Hard Target is John Woo's first (and possibly best) American film. And you'll know it's a John Woo film because of the doves and the fact that the entire third act of the movie is one big chase/shootout. Jean-Claude Van Damme is in peak physical form in the film, delivering countless kicks. His acting is a little stilted, but thankfully Lance Henriksen and Wilford Brimley are there giving deliciously over the top performances. Also, if you've ever wanted to see JCVD bite the rattle off a snake, this is the movie for you.

Rating: 73%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Resident Evil VII: Biohazard

You hear from your long vanished wife that she's being held captive and wants you to rescue her so you head on up to a dilapidated abandoned mansion deep in the Louisiana Bayou. If that wasn't creepy enough, you better believe it's chock full a some Texas Chainsaw family loving crazies who want to kill and or befriend you! It's fun and creepy but I really think there must be more than seven (er, VII) of these Evil Residents at this point in time.

RATING: 74%

The Beyond

Lucio Fulci is a great Italian horror director who prefers to assault the reader with surreal moments of intense violence or beauty rather than create any sort of narrative. In The Beyond, one of his most beloved (?) films, there's, like, a house in Louisiana with a door to the titular the beyond? I'm not entirely sure and I've seen it a few times. Well, some spiders eat an eyeball out of somebody's face and there's some zombies and etc, what more do you want?

RATING: 79%

Abita Ale's Turbodog

A Beer For Every State #4 - Louisiana

The big selling point for Turbodog, according to the label, is that it is brewed with natural spring water. Well, that makes sense, since it tastes a lot like water. Nah, just kidding; that just seemed like the obvious insult to make. It's a pretty ok dark brown ale that I'm probably not giving a fair enough shot since I'm drinking it straight from the bottle. But then again, in Louisiana I've only ever been to Bourbon Street in New Orleans. That was probably not a fair enough shot either.

RATING: 71%