The Blob

Well I watched the remake first and loved it, so I figured I better give the original a shot. A blob falls out of space and eats people, and the local police won't believe those crazy teenagers when they try to warn them. Judged by the standards of 2016 (I'm only human!) the remake is more fun, but this one's pretty good for a 60-something year old independent horror flick.

RATING: 63%

Thinner

This movie is about a fat lawyer who gets cursed by a gypsy for accidentally killing his daughter. In movies people always seem to have very negative opinions about gypsies, but, like, are there even roving bands of gypsies in America? To be fair, the curses the gypsies place on people always seem to be way worse than the transgressions committed. Maybe not so much in this movie, since the guy did get a mob boss off for murder and also killed somebody, but in Drag Me To Hell that curse was way worse than the nice lady doing her job at the bank. Anyway, this movie kind of sucks and the makeup effects are terrible, so don't bother.

RATING: 36%

Biggest Loser Product Placements

Trainer: Chewing This Sugar Free Gum will reduce your cravings and is a much better choice than delicious fatty snacks! Contestant: Really? WOW. Trainer: Yes, go buy some of This Sugar Free Gum! Right now! Contestant: I will totally go buy This Sugar Free Gum right now! Trainer: Yeah! This Sugar Free Gum will ALSO give you orgasms and pay your taxes! Contestant: HELL YEAH!

Rating: mustbuysugarfreegumnow%

More To Love (TV Series)

In this "Bachelorette for Big Girls" series, FOX has managed to strike the perfect balance between sweetly pandering to large women and leaving room for thin women to make fun of the fatties. So you've got the whole "finding my one true love on TV" concept, exploitation and mocking of overweight people, AND normalization and promotion of obesity all rolled into one. So wrong it's right? Nope, it's just wrong.

Rating: FLABbergasted%