As some of you may know, I always wanted to go into movie making, and have a love of film that runs pretty deep. Seeing a new movie in the theater, on the big screen with some great, loud sound is an experience I used to love - back in the day I used to go to the movies like three times a week. Well, now I have to say that going to the movies is now a guessing game as to how the fucking movie is going to be ruined. Will it be a low bulb the theater is trying to use to save money? Will it be a blown out sound system that nobody's even tried to fix since Jurassic Park? Will it be the twenty minutes of advertisements that start before the previews, like I'm not even allowed to have a civilized conversation with somebody anymore? These are all real problems, but chances are the audience is going to ruin the movie for me. Here's a list of things I'd like to stop in the movie theater. I'm sorry this is substantially longer than five sentences, but otherwise you guys would get a review for each of these things, and nobody wants that.1 - Turn off your motherfucking cellphone. It tells you like five goddamn times before the movie even starts. If you are a huge enough asshole that you don't turn off your cellphone, for god's sake don't answer it. I'll punch you in the balls/cooter.
2 - Don't bring your baby, especially if it is not a movie for kids. I saw The Strangers, a movie about graphic murder, a few weeks ago, and not one but two couples had brought babies/toddlers to the movie. What the fuck! Isn't there an exam you have to pass to have a kid these days? Also, if you bring your kid and it starts crying, leave the fucking theater, or I will punch your kid and tell them there's no Santa/Jesus.
3 - Don't text message, or for that matter, don't open your phone at all during the movie. It's like a fucking police helicopter spotlight. It really takes the audience out of the movie mood and into the mood of wanting to kick your ass. Like what, you're the only person in here? Fuck you buddy!
4 - Please don't carry on a full conversation with your friend at normal speaking volume. Jesus Christ! This isn't your living room, prick. Did we lose a war?
5 - We can hear you in that little hall next to the seats, by the way. Sorry the kid ain't yours, pallie.
6 - Laser pointers? I'll point my finger into your goddamn eye socket.
In conclusion, buck up, America.
RATING: 35%
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7 comments:
Ooh. You sound angry. Could you possibly be ready for a move to New York?
You both need to move your asses to NYC. Come on, if you move into a three bedroom in the ghetto with me and my roommate we can almost all afford to live here.
Also, hehe, cooter.
Oh and I was texting all through Leatherheads. But that was the worst movie ever so I think it's allowed. I will never forgive my friend Terry for dragging me to that shit.
I vividly remember the 8 year old (approximately) children sitting behind me during Eastern Promises. Wow.
Yeah, I just got back from Wanted and had to tell a couple of girls (who were old enough to know better) to shut the fuck up. I'm surprised their muscular boyfriends didn't kick my ass. To bad I had to risk my life for a movie as worthless as Wanted.
Oh, and there was a toddler too. The kid started whining when suddenly, SMACK! He shut the fuck up after that. No kidding! Wish I had parents like that.
Haha, oh man I cannot imagine Janie doing that!
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