Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Sausage Parties

Sausage parties are what you call it when a bunch of heterosexual men get together and do something utterly lacking in sex appeal, like sitting in the Pub O' Love at the Flying Saucer eating chicken and telling each other to fuck off, or posting a bunch of hypothetical reviews of comics, beers, meat and Great Lakes on some hypothetical blog that hypothetically has female posters who don't write as many hypothetical posts as their hypothetical male co-posters. Sure, they might be hypothetically in the middle of law school exams or some big shot hypothetical ****** of some hypothetical fancy pants ******* or whatever, but that doesn't change the fact that Chris, Glenn, etc. make one's testicles want to crawl back up into one's body and commit suicide. Wo-men need to make time for trivial, vulgar indolence too. It's not like it's gonna get any easier when you guys have babies.

RATING: 37%, or maybe just sexist%

(Image from www.demondg1.com.)

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Can Saturday night be considered a circle-jerk? I mean, technically?

John said...

Literally speaking probably not, since there was no simultaneous masturbation involved, but we did talk about politics, sports and wimmin, ate meat products, drank a bunch of beer, and cursed a lot. We were sitting in the Love Pub for God's sake. If that's not a metaphorical circle jerk, I don't know what is.

Chris said...

It's Womyn, John.

And I'm disappointed none of you managed to pick up a womyn that night.

John said...

We're all happily ensconced in fulfilling monogamous relationships, Chris. Besides, it's not like wymyn would give me the time of day with an arab poet and a vegetarian in tow.

Anonymous said...

I like sausage as much as the next...guy (?) but that photo is GROSS!

laurie said...

I can't believe I didn't even notice this post until it already had five comments. Stupid exams. But yeah, um, sausage fest. Sorry I'll get right back to writing reviews of pie recipes and tampons any day now. Or rather, two weeks from now. And I probably won't review tampons. Or pie recipes.

John said...

What about a recipe for tampon pie?

John said...

I was picturing, like, an apple pie full of the tampons you see in T.V. commercials when I wrote that, but reading it again, it sounds both disgusting and juvenile.

Fucking metaphorical hu-man brain.

LoCo said...

None of you picked up a girl Saturday night? That's sad. Even I picked up a girl Saturday night. Ask my visitors if you don't believe...

LoCo said...

Also, John, I appreciate your discretion.

John said...

That's how I roll.

Anonymous said...

Come on, Internet-John! Don't back off; I like the tampon-pie image, though the real challenge goes out to Glenn: a Paintbrush rendition...

Chris said...

Yeah, I've got to go with Thor on this one.

It was a good idea.

laurie said...

Yeah, who would want to eat tampon pie? Ew. Don't answer that. If those people exist, I don't want to know them.

Evan J Peterson said...

It's been a long time since I've posted... do you need some gayness? Isn't it a shame that that word rhymes with anus?

John said...

Evan: Nice rhymes, but you'd better not let Glenn catch you writing metric verse on this blog. You think Dr. Seuss died by accident?

Walter Benjamin and the Mechanical Reproductions (the band) said...

this is the last blog post i remember seeing befoer my lappy broke (fixed it UBUNTU FOR LIFE B*tCHES!!!!)