Noodling

1. Drink four beers.
2. Find a log submerged in a shallow part of a lake or river.
3. Drink a beer.
4. Have your redneck friend block one side of the log, either with his foot or beer-gut.
5. Swim down to log.
6. Put hand in log.
7. Wait for something to bite hand.
7a) If that something is a water mocassin, call 911.
7b) If that something is a turtle, pray you still have a finger.
7c) If that something is an enormous flathead catfish, continue to step eight.
8. Struggle with enormous flathead catfish, making sure to keep head above water, so often calling upon redneck friend(s) for help (though not so often as to be viewed as a quote-unquote fuckin' pussy).
9. Say, "Sumbitch" and "Motherfucker" as often as possible.
10. Use free hand to chug a beer.
11. Pull enormous flathead catfish onto shore.
12. Chug a beer.
13. Beat enormous catfish with paddle (or rock, if paddle not available).
14. Have redneck friend(s) take picture of you holding enormous flathead catfish.
15. Drink beer.

Rating: Oklahoma%
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