The Hills Have Eyes Part II

Just when you thought it was safe to back into the desert... Eight years after the Carter family were terrorized by a group of savage cannibals, Bobby Carter's motorcycle team set out to test their new super fuel at a race in the... dun dun duuun... desert. After failing to account for daylight saving time, the group take an ill-advised shortcut, which leads them straight into cannibal country. After their bus breaks down, the team are attacked by Pluto, who somehow survived having his throat ripped out in the first film, and the Reaper, Pluto's uncle. The Hills Have Eyes Part II is pretty bad. The dialogue is bad, the characters are bad, the pacing is bad and the movie's runtime is padded out with flashbacks to the first film. The most egregious of which is when the dog, Beast, has a flashback to his previous showdown with Pluto. It's hardly surprising that Wes Craven has disowned the film. 

Rating: 54%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Castrovalva

The Master springs a series of traps on the newly regenerated Doctor and his companions that take them from the Big Bang to the mysterious planet Castrovalva. Adric gets captured early on and spends most of the story being tortured, though he also, in an attempt to manipulate the Doctor and his friends, occasionally pops up as a projection controlled by the Master. Peter Davison’s first story as the Fifth Doctor feels a lot like two short stories mashed together. The first half of the serial takes place almost entirely in the TARDIS and is pretty much a remake of the First Doctor story The Edge of Destruction. The second half of the story takes place on Castrovalva and, even though there isn’t much time to flesh things out, the characters are interesting and the quiet mystery vibes are effective. The concept of block-transfer computation gets trotted out again as a means of explaining the Masters machinations but it makes even less sense here than it did in Logopolis.

 

Rating: Well, I suppose I'll get used to it in time%

The Executioner

Koga, a practitioner of ancient ninja techniques, is recruited to help take down the Mafia, who are smuggling drugs into Japan. With martial arts films beginning to find a worldwide audience in 70s, the push was on to crown a successor to the late Bruce Lee. For a time, Sonny Chiba was Japan's potential heir to the throne. Following the stateside success of The Street Fighter, North American distributors began importing other Sonny Chiba films. The Executioner, much like The Street Fighter, has a lot of stylish and vicious action scenes, but Chiba's character Koga is much more likable than The Street Fighter's Terry Tsurugi. He's still an anti-hero but he murders far fewer innocent people and, unless I missed something, he never sells anyone into slavery.

Rating: 72%

(Image from IMDB)

G.I. Joe: The Movie

In 1986, while riding high on the success of their respective toy lines and TV shows, Hasbro released The Transformers: The Movie and My Little Pony: The Movie theatrically. Neither film performed well at the box office. The Transformers: The Movie also managed to traumatize some of it's young audience by killing off many of their favorite characters. G.I. Joe: The Movie, originally intended to be released around the same time as those other two Hasbro films, was eventually released direct-to-video in 1987. While many of the classic G.I. Joe characters get sidelined throughout the movie to allow for a greater focus on a crop of new Joes, production delays allowed the filmmakers to sidestep The Transformers: The Movie's biggest taboo: killing off a beloved main character. Watching the movie now, it's clear that the Joe's leader Duke was meant to die in the film. Serpentor straight up stabs Duke in the heart with a spear, but thanks to some new dialogue Duke merely goes into a coma. And even though we never see Duke again onscreen, a character announces to everyone at the end of the film that Duke has come out of the coma and is going to be A-okay.  

Rating: 60%

(Image from Wikipedia)