Swamp Thing

At a research base, deep in the swampland, Dr. Alec Holland is working on a top secret formula. But, after the base is attacked by the nefarious Anton Arcane, Alec Holland is seemingly killed and the Swamp Thing is born. With the help of Alice Cable, Swamp Thing attempts to stop Arcane from using Alec Holland's formula for evil. While I'm sure 1982's Swamp Thing has its defenders, I can't imagine it tops many people's lists of favorite Wes Craven or superhero films. The makeup design for Swamp Thing looks like a cross between the Toxic Avenger and a sad, gloopy Gumby. Harry Manfredini's score doesn't really fit the tone of the movie, mostly because it sounds like all of the scores he did for the Friday the 13th films. There are a handful of impressive stunts in the movie, as well as a number of explosions that seem to be going off dangerously close to the actors.

Rating: 61%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Logopolis

At the beginning of this story, the Doctor is in a bit of a pensive mood. Even though he’s been trying to get back to Gallifrey since his time on Tigella, the Doctor decides that it’s time he made some long overdue repairs to the TARDIS. After making a stop on Earth to do some research, the Doctor accidentally picks up two passengers: an airline stewardess named Tegan Jovanka and the Master. After leaving Earth, the Doctor heads to Logopolis to meet with the Monitor, who’s prowess in block-transfer computations will help the Doctor make the necessary repairs to the TARDIS. Once on Logopolis, the Doctor and Adric are reunited with Nyssa, who claims she was brought there by a friend of the Doctor. Having kept his presence hidden up to that point, the Master begins to search for the secret behind the Logopolitans’ powerful mathematics. The Master’s plot winds up putting the fate of the entire universe at risk. The situation gets bad enough that the Doctor is forced to team up with the Master. And while their short-lived partnership ultimately saves most of the universe, it ends up costing the Doctor one of his lives. The final story of the Fourth Doctor era is, honestly, a bit of a disappointment. All the timey-wimey mumbo jumbo about block-transfer computations and all-powerful mathematics is pretty boring. And the Master’s brief face turn towards the end of the story feels like it was lifted directly from Terror of the Autons.

Rating: Back in two shakes%

Live Free or Die Hard

As a favor to the FBI, John McClane is tasked with escorting a hacker to Washington, D.C. Things quickly start to go sideways after a group of hitmen try to kill the hacker before McClane can bring him in. With assassins following their every move, McClane and the hacker attempt to stop a group of terrorists who are attempting to bring down America through a coordinated cyber attack. As far as Die Hard movies go, Live Free or Die Hard probably ranks second to last for most people. What saves it from being dead last, for me at least, is the presence of Justin Long as the hacker. Long has an endless supply of charisma and his back and forth with Bruce Willis, while being somewhat derivative of the odd couple dynamic in Die Hard with a Vengeance, elevates the movie overall. Timothy Olyphant is good as the leader of the terrorists, but lacks the intimidating gravitas of previous villains in the series. And Kevin Smith is unnecessarily shoehorned into the movie as another hacker.

Rating: 68%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Hot to Trot

After his mother passes away, Fred inherits a talking horse and half of his stepfather's stock brokerage. Rather than selling off his half of the brokerage, Fred tries to make it in the world of high finance. And he begins to find success, thanks to stock tips from an unlikely source: Don, the talking horse. No, really. Because John Candy provides the voice of the talking horse, Hot to Trot has been on my radar ever since it was first released but I only recently watched it for the first time. It's not very good, but I didn't hate it. I'm not sure I'll ever watch it again, but I didn't hate it. The premise of the movie is pretty old school, something like a cross between a Marx Brothers movie and a wacky live action Disney movie from the 70s. There's plenty of great people in the movie like Bobcat Goldthwait, Dabney Coleman, Burgess Meredith, Tim Kazurinsky and Gilbert Gottfried. And yet, it's still not a very good movie. But, I didn't hate it.

Rating: 56%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Fun Fact: Bobcat Goldthwait and Tim Kazurinsky were both in Police Academy 2, 3 and 4.

Deadly Blessing

In a small farming town, the only thing separating the normal, everyday folks from the religious Hittite community is a simple fence. Similar to the Amish, but apparently far stricter, the Hittite people shun modern technology and anyone not already in their faith. When Jim Schmidt, a former Hittite, is mysteriously killed, the leader of the Hittites claim that it is the work of the Incubus. Martha, Jim's pregnant widow, refuses to sell her farm to the Hittites, regardless of the pressure coming from the religious group's leaders and all of the strange things happening around her. Deadly Blessing is an atmospheric horror thriller. While I would hesitate to call it a slasher, there are definitely some slasher elements in it, most notably the score by James Horner which sounds like it was taken from a Friday the 13th film. Michael Berryman has a memorable part in the film, alongside Sharon Stone in one her earliest roles. There are some scenes in Deadly Blessing that would be reworked and redone in A Nightmare on Elm Street, including a bathtub sequence that might actually be better in Deadly Blessing.

Rating: 67%

(Image from Wikipedia)

The Keeper of Traken

While taking in some of the sights of N-Space, the TARDIS is infiltrated by a powerful being from the planet Traken, known as the Keeper, who asks for the Doctor's help. And though the Doctor is quick to offer his assistance, the Keeper warns of great danger, an unimaginable threat that could destroy the Doctor and his companion. After arriving on Traken, the Doctor and Adric are framed for murder and sentenced to death. As they try to clear their names, a sinister foe lurks in the shadows. Spoiler alert: that sinister foe turns out to be the Master. Last seen in The Deadly Assassin, the Master tries to steal the Keeper's powers in order to secure a new body for himself. Though fairly average overall, The Keeper of Traken is notable for introducing the character Nyssa, who would go on to become one of the Doctor's companions.

 

Rating: Don't listen to me. I never do%

Rambo: First Blood Part II

In First Blood, we saw what a killing machine is capable of in a civilian setting. In Rambo: First Blood Part II, we get to see what a killing machine is capable of in a combat setting. Having been sent to prison for royally fucking up a small town, John Rambo is offered a chance at redemption. The mission: go back to Vietnam and investigate a camp that may be housing American POWs. Rambo is sent in with strict instructions not to engage the enemy. But, once again, the powers that be have severely underestimated the man they're dealing with. Rambo: First Blood Part II is a two-fisted action movie through and through. Any subtlety and nuance that was present in First Blood has been replaced with explosions and bullet holes. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.  

Rating: 76%

(Image from Wikipedia)

The Dog Who Stopped the War

aka La guerre des tuques

Going into Christmas vacation, a group of kids decide to fill their free time with an all out snowball war. One faction builds an elaborate snow fort while the other side attempts to seize it. The war rages on every day from sunup to sundown. From the people who brought you The Peanut Butter Solution comes The Dog Who Stopped the War, another cherished Canadian children's film. Between the two movies, The Dog Who Stopped the War is probably remembered more fondly, since it's fairly straightforward and slightly less traumatic. While I wouldn't say that any of the children in the movie were particularly good actors, their characters were well defined and their uniforms were pretty funny.

Rating: 65%

(Image from IMDB)

The Hills Have Eyes

On their way to California, the Carters take a detour to check out an old mine that had been gifted to them. After getting lost in the desert, their car breaks down, leaving them stranded. Soon after, a group of cannibals begin to prey on the family. The Hills Have Eyes is 70s horror in the tradition of films like The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, it's tense, brutal and unrelenting. The cast is very good and notably includes a few genre all-stars like Dee Wallace and Michael Berryman. I think it's safe to say that a lot of cannibal horror movies that came later took some inspiration from The Hills Have Eyes. I'm looking at you Wrong Turn. 

Rating: 75%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Warriors' Gate

While searching for a way out of E-Space, the Doctor and his companions find themselves in a seemingly empty void. It's not long before they're discovered by the crew of a cargo ship that is also stranded in the void. Instead of trying to help each other, the crew of the cargo ship kidnap Romana and attempt to use her as a replacement for their time sensitive navigator. The crew then discover the location of a mysterious gate inside the void that may reveal the way out of E-Space. Warriors' Gate starts off well enough, setting up the mystery of the void and introducing the cargo ship crew and their Tharil navigator, but it starts to lose steam in the middle of the story. The Tharils are an interesting, yet somewhat underdeveloped, part of the story. They're a race of powerful creatures with the ability to travel through time and space. In appearance, they look like a cross between the Cowardly Lion and David Bowie's character in Labyrinth. At the end of the story, Romana decides to stay behind and help the Tharils. Her exit is abrupt and unceremonious, not to mention almost identical to Leela's exit in The Invasion of Time. 

Rating: You were the noblest Romana of them all%

Lethal Weapon

Roger Murtaugh, a veteran cop and family man, is teamed up with Martin Riggs, a man on the edge after the death of his wife. Their case, the apparent suicide of a young woman involved with prostitution and pornography. An autopsy soon reveals that the young woman was actually murdered and as Riggs and Murtaugh begin to dig deeper, the bodies begin to pile up. Lethal Weapon is a stone cold 80s action movie classic. Well written and plotted with a stellar supporting cast. A great example of both odd couple and buddy cop formulas. Parts of the movie might seem cliché today, only because so much of this movie has been copied and parodied in the years since its first release.

Rating: 84%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Ski School

Hoping to impress some prospective buyers, the manager of a ski resort decides to crack down on some of the resort's less desirable elements. At the top of the list, Dave Marshak and the party animals of ski school's Section 8. As a movie, Ski School is a pretty good amalgamation of the goofier parts of Ski Patrol and the hornier parts of Hot Dog... The Movie. It has its own comedic sensibility, which helps to set it apart from those other films. Much like Ski Patrol, Ski School was shot at a time when the 90s hadn't quite established its own identity yet. And, because of that, the amount of neon clothing in Ski School is staggering.

Rating: 69% (Party!)

(Image from Wikipedia)