The Brides of Dracula

Over shots of the Transylvanian countryside, a narrator tells us that "Count Dracula, monarch of all vampires is dead. But his disciples live on..." And so begins The Brides of Dracula. But, you may be asking yourself, why call it The Brides of Dracula if Dracula isn't even in the movie? Is it even, technically, a Dracula movie? Well, if you want to get pedantic about it, there is some validity to that train of thought. However, given that Van Helsing is in the movie, I think we can give them a pass. Especially since they have Peter Cushing once again taking up the mantle of the fearless vampire hunter. The Brides of Dracula is a relatively small movie, there are maybe only two scenes featuring more than five characters on screen at the same time. It's a little slow and fairly chaste compared to some of Hammer's later movies. But The Brides of Dracula has enough going for it to keep it from being a total slog. The opening sequence has similar vibes to the opening of An American Werewolf in London and there's a great scene where the lead vampire sneaks up on a woman while she's looking in a mirror.

Rating: 64%

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Demons

A buncha strangers get free tickets to a sneak preview but it’s put on by demons and instead of free popcorn you get a free murdered. It’s goofy but a lot of fun kills.

RATING: 75%

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

A group of high school students are stalked by a mysterious figure in their dreams. The line between the real world and the dream world begins to blur as their nightmares get more intense and they begin to die off in unexplainable ways. Is it a case of mass hysteria or is there something from their past that has come back to haunt them? It's not surprising that they decided to remake A Nightmare on Elm Street, it's just a shame that they did such a poor job of it. All of the remake's nods to the original movie are very surface level and Freddy doesn't seem to have much of a power set. He can transport himself anywhere in the dream world but he never turns into anything or does anything particularly interesting. The movie opens with all of the main characters in a diner but there's no attempt to establish them on an individual basis. Yes, part of the plot is an investigation into their shared history but it's hard to care about characters that aren't properly introduced or fleshed out. Ultimately, the remake's biggest problem has to be its interpretation of Freddy Krueger. The new makeup design smoothes out Freddy's face, making it impossible to show any expression. And it's only made worse by Jackie Earle Haley's montone line delivery. Much like Freddy's new face, the whole movie ends up being flat and boring.

Rating: 58%

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Invaders From Mars

A kid sees a flying saucer crash, and soon evil aliens are taking over every adult in town! It’s pretty decent for a kid friendly sci fi horror flick, even if I hated the ending so, so much (which apparently the 50s version did too).

RATING: 54%

Friday the 13th (2009)

While on the hunt for some weed they hope to steal, Whitney and her obnoxious friends find the dilapidated remains of Camp Crystal Lake. Jason Voorhees promptly murders all of them, or so it would seem. Six weeks later, Whitney's brother Clay searches the area hoping to find his missing sister. Clay ends up crossing paths with Jenna, her preppy prick boyfriend Trent and their obnoxious friends, who are all headed out to a cabin in the woods. What could go wrong? Spoiler alert: it involves more murders.

Rating: 69% (Nice)

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Channel 13

This flick, from 80s and 90s straight to video shot on video gurus the Polonia Brothers, was made in 2015 after the surviving brother found some tapes with lost footage. He shot some wraparounds and edited together as an anthology. The lo fi 80s stuff works, but the new footage is obvious and there’s a buncha TikTok sound effects added in which take you out of the 80s vibe.

RATING: 41%

Halloween: Resurrection

Halloween H20 ended with Laurie Strode decapitating Michael Myers, seemingly putting a nice little button on the series. But, as we learn in the opening prologue of Halloween: Resurrection, Michael managed to pull a switcheroo and it was actually a paramedic under the mask that night. Three years later, we catch up with Laurie in a sanitarium, apparently guilt-ridden to the point of unresponsiveness. It turns out, however, that Laurie was just playing psychological possum because when Michael shows up, she has a trap ready and waiting for him. Unfortunately for her, Michael gets the upper hand and Laurie is killed. No need to feel bad for her though because this branch of the continuity will soon be both gone and forgotten. The rest of the movie follows some college kids who have been recruited to explore the old Myers house on Halloween night for a live streaming show called Dangertainment. Their shot at fame and internet glory takes a turn for the worse when Michael comes home. Halloween: Resurrection probably isn't anyone's favorite Halloween movie. But, given that the Rob Zombie and David Gordon Green films that followed it were also met with mixed to poor reception, Halloween: Resurrection might be due for a reevaluation. I'd hesitate to call it underrated, but it's probably not as bad as you remember.

Rating: 63%

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Cemetery Man

A graveyard caretaker looks after the lawn and flowers and also has to re kill everyone buried there. Easy peasy until a lady he thinks is pretty gets buried! I mean, in my opinion it should still be the same difficulty because she is a corpse and etc. Really fun movie I’ve been trying to watch again for years and finally it’s streaming.

RATING: 83%

Leprechaun in the Hood

aka Leprechaun 5: In the Hood

Mack Daddy and his associate Slug stumble upon the Leprechaun and his gold in a hidden room. 20 years later, with the help of the Leprechaun's magic flute, Mack Daddy has become a powerful and feared rap music mogul. But all hell breaks loose after a trio of aspiring rappers break into Mack Daddy's place and remove a magic amulet from around the Leprechaun's neck. To give credit where credit is due, Leprechaun in the Hood is better than Leprechaun 4: In Space. It was a pretty low bar to clear, but Leprechaun in the Hood managed to pull it off. It's still a bad movie littered with corny rhymes and tasteless jokes, so it hasn't strayed too far from the other entries in the series but, again, at least it's better than Leprechaun 4: In Space.

Rating: 56%

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Contamination

Some space aliens decide to lay eggs on earth and totally rip off Ridley Scott’s Alien for Italian reasons. It’s not good but there’s some fun splatter in it.

RATING: 46%

Tremors 4: The Legend Begins

The town of Rejection, Nevada comes dangerously close to becoming a ghost town after 17 miners mysteriously die in a nearby silver mine. With no one left to work, the mine's owner, Hiram Gummer, comes to Rejection to investigate. What he and the last remaining residents of Rejection soon discover is that strange creatures have infested the area. Tremors 4: The Legend Begins takes the graboid action back to 1889, roughly 100 years before the events of the original Tremors film. Like most of the other sequels in the franchise, Tremors 4 adds a new graboid variation into the mix. In this instance, we see the graboids in an almost larval state. The characters call them Dirt Dragons. This new incarnation eventually evolves into the larger form of graboid we're more familiar with. Also, in case you hadn't already guessed, Michael Gross plays Hiram Gummer, the great grandfather of Burt Gummer, the character he plays in all of the other Tremors films.

Rating: 59%

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Alien: Romulus

A poor miner and her robot brother try to escape their planet with a salvaged ship fulla eggs, and not the kind you can benedict! The first two thirds are kind of bland, but the last bit is great.

RATING: 77%

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead

A prison transfer gone wrong leaves a cop and some convicts stranded deep in the heart of cannibal country. The practical special effects in Wrong Turn 3 are decent but definitely not as good as the ones seen in the franchise's first two installments. Bad CGI is more prevalent in this entry, which is a disappointment. The acting is fine and, thankfully, none of the characters are particularly annoying this time around.

Rating: 60%

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Longlegs

An FBI agent searches for clues in a series of murders that seem totally random. But maybe there’s more to it hm??? People flipped their shit over this but I think if you weren’t raised Capital C Christian it won’t be as scary, though it’s nice to have lots of long unmoving shots every once in a while.

RATING: 76%

Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed

When we catch up with Brigitte Fitzgerald in Ginger Snaps 2, things are not going well. Having infected herself with her sister's blood, Brigitte is in a race against time to find a cure for her oncoming lycanthropy. Things only get worse for Brigitte after she overdoses on monkshood and finds herself in a remote rehab facility. And, on top of all that, there's another werewolf stalking her from the shadows. Though not as creative as the original film, Ginger Snaps 2 is a pretty enjoyable sequel. Once again, the practical effects and stylish camerawork do a lot of heavy lifting. But, this time around, they're aided by some great locations, some genuinely funny gags, and some distinctly Canadian elements. I don't know that I necessarily loved the ending of the film, but I didn't regret taking the journey.

Rating: 66%

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MaXXXine

Well, the lone survivor from X has made it in Hollywood! As a porn star anyway. But hey why not try and break into the mainstream, that’s what the lady who killed all her friends wanted. It’s flashy and fun but nowhere near as good as Pearl.

RATING: 71%

The Omen

In an effort to keep his wife from finding out that their newborn baby has died, an American diplomat adopts a child and tries to pass it off as his own. He might have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for the fact that the adopted child is the motherfuckin' Antichrist. Since it's from the 70s, The Omen can be a bit of a slow burn at times but it's a surprisingly well made movie. The cinematography is incredible, with stylish uses of slow motion and reflections. The music is really good, alternating between big orchestral pieces, ominous choral arrangements and creepy synths. And they do a great job making you believe that the kid who plays Damien is hella evil.

Rating: 76%

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Fun Fact: Father Brennan is played by Patrick Troughton, Doctor Who's Second Doctor.

Police Academy: Mission to Moscow

A new addictive video game out of Russia has become a worldwide phenomenon. Authorities suspect that the man behind the game, Konstantine Konali, is actually a crime boss using the game to launder money from his illegal activities. Desperate to apprehend Konali, the Russians bring in Commandant Lassard and some of his most trusted associates. If the Police Academy franchise was feeling a little tired during City Under Siege, Mission to Moscow finds the series on life support. All of the charm and style of the Police Academy films has been replaced with subpar Hot Shots parody and shameless Three Stooges rip-offs. Jones, Tackleberry and Callahan return alongside Captain Harris, who's suddenly become a surveillance expert, and Cadet Kyle Connors, who joins the mission thanks to a clerical error. The cast includes Ron Perlman as Konstantin Konali and Christopher Lee as Commandant Rakov.

Rating: 50%

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Full Circle

While travelling to Gallifrey, the TARDIS passes through a Charged Vacuum Emboitment, sending the Doctor and his companions out of their own universe and into the Exo-Space-Time Continuum, aka E-Space. What does that mean exactly? That's not entirely clear yet. But what is clear is that instead of ending up on Gallifrey, the TARDIS arrives on a planet called Alzarius, where a strange phenomenon called Mistfall has begun. With the help of a brilliant young Alzarian named Adric, the Doctor begins to unpack the myths of Mistfall. Full Circle is a pretty entertaining serial. The script is good, the characters are interesting and the effects are fairly decent. The E-Space element of the plot isn't particularly well defined but the rest of the story is engaging enough that it never becomes a distraction.

Rating: This isn't Gallifrey%

A Better Tomorrow

Ho and his brother-in-arms Mark are high ranking members of a Hong Kong criminal organization. But, at the urging of his father, Ho agrees to leave his crimial life behind after one last job. Ho winds up getting double crossed and spends the next three years in prison. After getting out, Ho tries to rebuild trust with this brother Kit, who has since become a cop. While Mark feels betrayed that Ho has turned his back on their criminal ways and Shing, a former protégé who's gone on to become the head of the criminal organization, refuses to let Ho go straight. A Better Tomorrow is the epic first collaboration of John Woo and Chow Yun-fat. Though overshadowed by their future collaborations, A Better Tomorrow is a two-fisted action extravaganza that helped set the template for modern action cinema. Chow Yun-fat exudes boat loads of charisma as Mark and the success of the film helped him shed his early reputation as "box office poison."

Rating: 85%

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Explorers

In his dreams, Ben sees the layout of a strange circuit board. Using a sketch of the circuit board, Ben's genius friend Wolfgang is able to create a machine that generates an electromagnetic bubble. Together with their new friend Darren, the boys build a spaceship and set off on an adventure that takes them out of the suburbs and beyond their wildest imaginations. Directed by Joe Dante, Explorers is a science fiction fantasy adventure film. Ben and Wolfgang are played by Ethan Hawke and River Phoenix in the feature film debuts. Rushed into production and released before it could be properly completed, Explorers isn't entirely successful. It feels very much like a movie trying to recreate the vibe of E.T. But, like many of Joe Dante's other films, Explorers has since gone on to find a cult audience.

Rating: 62%

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Fun Fact: Jason Presson, who played Darren, also played one of the yogurt shop employees in Gremlins 2: The New Batch.

Ninja Academy

A gaggle of screw-ups and oddballs sign up for a weeklong martial arts training camp. But when the camp is attacked by their sensei's rivals, the trainees are forced to put their new skills to the ultimate test. Ninja Academy is a fairly straightforward rip-off of Police Academy. The martial arts portions of the film are well done. The comedy portions, not so much.

Rating: 58%

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Meglos

In an underground city, the people of Tigella's lives are controlled by a mysterious object called the Dodecahedron. The scientific-minded people of Tigella, called the Savants, struggle to harness the power emitted from the Dodecahedron, while the other half of the population, the Deons, worship the Dodecahedron as if it were a gift from the gods. Meanwhile, on the desolate planet of Zolfa-Thura, a shape-shifting creature called Meglos schemes to steal the Dodecahedron for its own purposes. Meglos is a decent serial that never quite crosses the line into excellence. All the elements are there: good cast, good themes, great settings. And yet, it ends up being fairly average. Most of the episodes are shorter than normal, which keeps the pacing tight but leaves the impression that there just wasn't enough material in the script. Jacqueline Hill, who played Barbara during the First Doctor era, plays Lexa, the fanatical leader of the Deons who ultimately sacrifices her own life to save Romana.

Rating: You never know who's who%

The Way of the Dragon

aka Return of the Dragon

In The Way of the Dragon, Bruce Lee plays Tang Lung, a young martial arts student who travels from Hong Kong to Rome to help a restaurateur who's being harassed by gangsters. Tang Lung's "Chinese boxing" skills provide the restaurant with some short term victories against the bad guys, but the campaign of violence and intimidation continues to escalate. The film climaxes with an epic fight between Tang Lung and a hired killer from America played by Chuck Norris. Enter the Dragon might be Bruce Lee's best film but The Way of the Dragon is probably my favorite. The mixture of fish out of water comedy and stellar fight choreography is a refreshing break from the dour plotting of Bruce Lee's other films. And, if you didn't already know, the fight between Lee and Norris in the Colosseum truly is spectacular. 

Rating: 73%

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I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer

A group of inconsiderate teens stage a big prank at their town's annual Fourth of July Carnival, faking an attack by the North Carolina Fisherman killer. But something goes wrong and one of the participants dies. The surviving teens decide to keep their involvement in the stunt a secret. One year later, they begin to receive threatening notes from someone who knows the truth about what they did the previous summer. I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer is textbook 2000s horror: muted colors, shaky cam, jittery editing, nu metal soundtrack, the whole nine yards. There isn't anything in the movie that ties it back to the previous Last Summer films, other than the use of the Fisherman killer. The basic structure of the movie works but none of the characters are particularly likeable and the reveal of the killer's identity at the end of the movie is pretty dumb.

Rating: 52%

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Police Academy 6: City Under Siege

A crime wave grips the city and the police seem powerless to stop it. At the behest of the governor, Commandant Lassard and some of his favorite Police Academy graduates are brought in to help. But, despite their best efforts, the gang responsible for the crime wave always seems to be one step ahead of the police. City Under Siege feels a little tired compared to the previous Police Academy films. All of the gags feel like they've been done before. That said, the chase sequence at the film's climax, which reminded me of the Las Vegas chase sequence in Con Air, goes big and I have to give the movie points for that. Sergeant Fackler, not seen since Police Academy 3, returns for one last accident-filled hurrah. Commandant Lassard's nephew Nick has seemingly joined the main squad following his introduction in Assignment Miami Beach. And Billie Bird, who played the gun-toting Mrs. Feldman in Citizens on Patrol, has a cameo in the movie, although she seems to be playing an entirely different character this time around. Sadly, this is the last film in the franchise to feature Hightower, Hooks, Proctor and Commissioner Hurst.

Rating: 60%

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Fun Fact: Gerrit Graham, who played one of the members of the Wilson Heights gang, was also in Child's Play 2, C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D. and Sidekicks.

The Leisure Hive

Finding Brighton Beach a bit too dreary, the Doctor and Romana set off for a luxury resort on the planet Argolis. But, after some mysterious accidents occur, the Doctor is put on trial for murder. The Leisure Hive kicked off Tom Baker's seventh and final season as the Doctor. This season is also notable for being the beginning of John Nathan-Turner's stint as Doctor Who's lead producer, a position he would hold for the remainder of the classic series. After taking the job as producer, John Nathan-Turner made a number of controversial changes to the show. The Leisure Hive opens with a new title sequence and an updated theme song, Tom Baker's classic costume gets a monochromatic revamping and poor old K-9 gets blown up in the first five minutes. The Leisure Hive is an average story at best. The direction is a little shoddy and many scenes are frustratingly underlit.

Rating: Don't cross your bridges before they're hatched%

Invasion U.S.A.

Communists have invaded America and only one man can stop them, former CIA agent Matt Hunter. Invasion U.S.A. is an exercise in excess. Every scene in the movie goes big. Chuck Norris's character carries dual Uzis. When the terrorists attack a residential neighborhood, they don't blow up one house, they blow up six. When a car explodes, it crashes into five parked cars. Also, there are fan boats, multiple vehicles being driven inside a shopping centre and Chuck Norris wrestling an alligator. Plus, for some reason, the movie is set at Christmastime.

Rating: 71%

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Summer Rental

After being forced to take some time off from his stressful job as an air traffic controller, Jack Chester packs up the car and drives his family down to Citrus Cove, Florida. Between the noisy neighbors and the overcrowded beaches, the vacation is far from smooth sailing (pun intended, you'll see.) Things only get worse for Jack after he runs afoul of Al Pellet, a big-time townie snob played by Rambo's Richard Crenna. Much like The Great Outdoors, Summer Rental is light on plot. Whether or not the movie succeeds will depend on your appreciation of John Candy's comedic stylings. Crenna is great in the villain role. And Rip Torn plays Scully, a local restaurateur who helps Jack learn how to sail. There's a great scene where Jack and Scully get drunk and play darts, which is a microcosm of the film overall, it's goofy but it's also heartfelt.

Rating: 74%

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Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach

Commandant Lassard and (most of) his favorite Academy graduates head down to a police convention in Miami Beach, where Lassard is set to be honored as the Police Officer of the Decade. But, after a mix-up at the airport, Lassard gets kidnapped by some jewel thieves. Can our favorite cops rescue Lassard and stop the crooks or will Proctor and Captain Harris just mess things up again? The gags are bigger and more cartoonish in Police Academy 5 but the change in scenery keeps things from getting too stale. Tab Thacker returns as Officer House from Citizens on Patrol and, in this installment, we're introduced to Commandant Lassard's nephew, Sergeant Nick Lassard. Nick is played by Matt McCoy, who does a good job, but, let's be honest, he's no Steve Guttenberg.

Rating: 62%

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Fun Fact: The jewel thieves include René Auberjonois from Deep Space Nine, Archie Hahn from Meatballs Part II (and several Joe Dante movies) and Ruben Rabasa from the focus group sketch in I Think You Should Leave.

Shada

The Doctor and Romana are summoned to Cambridge by Professor Chronotis. The Professor, a retired Time Lord, asks the Doctor to return a book he borrowed from the Panopticon Archive on Gallifrey. The book, The Worshipful and Ancient Law of Gallifrey, is actually an important artifact that contains clues to the location of Shada, the secret Time Lord prison planet. But returning the book won't be easy because, 1. the Professor accidentally loaned the book out to a colleague and 2. there are other parties who mean to get the book for themselves. Shada, famously, was never completed. A technician strike halted filming partway through and the BBC decided not to finish filming after the strike ended. Some of the footage from the serial was later used in The Five Doctors, after Tom Baker declined to appear in the special. Fans first got to see the remaining footage in 1992, when a reconstruction of the serial was released on VHS. In 2017, Shada was released on DVD with the missing scenes recreated via animation. And in 2021, the serial was updated again for the Blu-ray release. While it's fantastic that Shada was eventually released, it's not exactly a hidden treasure. Of all the Doctor Who scripts credited to Douglas Adams, Shada might be the worst one. The characters aren't particularly interesting, there aren't many jokes and the plot isn't very compelling.

Rating: You've got a lot to unlearn%