M. Gary Neuman is a charlatan and an idiot. He apparently knows next to nothing about how men think, and even less about infidelity. I can't decide if he's actually stupid, or if he's exploiting women's insecurities in order to make money and get on Oprah, but either way his advice on why men cheat is spectacularly full of pastel-hued shit. Women who are interested in why men are actually unfaithful might want to read Matt Ridley's The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature or some other book that addresses human mating behaviour from an evolutionary psychological perspective. Some men undoubtedly cheat because they feel "emotionally disconnected" from their partners. Most men, however, cheat because 1) cheating makes them feel like they're winning the Game of Life (which, for better or worse, isn't an entirely zero sum affair) and 2) they're opportunists and they think they might be able to get away with it. The implication here is that HE DOESN'T WANT HER INSTEAD OF YOU, he wants you AND her AND whoever else he can get his dirty paws on. Following Neuman's awful advice and applauding when he burns the toast at breakfast like he's a retarded child is likely going to give him an ego boost that puts him more in the mood to cheat on you, not less. Forcing your man to talk about his feelings with you more will only motivate him to strangle you in your sleep with a bungee cord or a length of piano wire. If you really don't want him to cheat on you, 1) don't leave him alone with other women, not even for 10 minutes; 2) let him know how much it hurts you, and be serious, not melodramatic; and 3) be prepared to accept that he might still do it anyway, or be ready to leave him if you can't. If that doesn't work for you, ladies, I recommend homosexuality or self-abuse.
RATING: Primate%
(Image from www.oprah.com. Of course, not all men are pigs and heartless bastards; some are pussies, ugly and/or broke, and the rare man just has excellent self-discipline and doesn't want to jeopardize a good thing. And has a 10 inch penis. And wins the lottery every year on his birthday.)
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76 comments:
Between this and the news story about "rape play" video games I just read, I am really hating men this morning.
I always hate men.
WOW! Happy Valentine's Day to you, too!
hey everyone its really lonesly out here at sexual harrassment camp today its raining so the 'destroy the patriarchy' bikini volleyball tournament is off (they make the men wear bikinis and high heels so that we can ffeel the pain of childbrith or somethnig i dont know) anyhoo, yesterday the matriarch said i did really well on the high ropes course and then i faced some inner demons when we were making smores and pretending our fathers were the marshmellows i really feel like a new 69*smokeenweed*69 i hope yall having a good time out there in reviewland and keep your dreams alive even if that dream is just to have a job like you glen
It's not Valentine's day.
And Valentine's Day is for chumps.
I had my doubts at (N)BNL, but now I really like the guy.
It's Valentine's Day at every school across Canada!
Well don't blame me that Neuman is an idiot. It would be nice if this were romantic happy fun land and we could all hold hands and rub dicks under the rainbow and men who cheat on their partners just needed a hug, but it's not true.
That's not saying that infidelity is OK--a ritualized pair bond has an evolutionary basis comparable to the broadcast-your-semen reproductive strategy, and institutionalized monogamous mating almost certainly cuts down on the amount of violence and rape going on in the world. A man who cheats isn't ignoring a cultural chimera to follow his instincts--marriage is probably as much of a biocultural instinct (more of a complex of instincts and historically contingent "good tricks," really) as cheating or forming harems, etc.
All I'm saying is that men usually don't cheat because women are doing something wrong, like Neuman seems to think, or because they're damaged, incomplete human beings like Neuman's numerous critics seem to think. They cheat because they want to feel like big shots, like prehistoric pimps, and then afterwards they're ashamed to admit it so they make up a bunch of stories about how their moms didn't hug them enough or their wives don't understand them.
O.K. we got your original point, now you're just plain boring us.
John's my hero today. :)
I prefer to think of myself as a demi-god, really.
McTavish: If you think that's boring, this might be a little more up your alley. You mick fuck.
In conclusion, Valentine's Day is bullshit and an awful lot of men are scum. Some women aren't much better, particularly those who rely on douchebag strangers on Oprah's show to explain the physics of (in)fidelity.
Well put, Tim.
John -> Don't get a big head about it, buddy. I'm sure I'll be back to hating your guts in no time. Fag.
John is my hero when he isn't condescending me. Beer soon?
And NBNL's post is some greatness.
Also, I.J., : "Of course, not all men are pigs and heartless bastards. Some are pussies, ugly and/or broke,"
This is absolutely proverbial. I'm going to tell this to both my future son and daughter.
hey guys last day of sex h camp and i feel like the weekend jjust flew bye
last night the coven of enlitenement congradulated me on my progress and preformed the rites of castration on me (but dont worry it was a metaphor i still got my peen) then i got baptised in the blood of the Great M*ther under the full moon that shit was tight as f*ck! hippy b**tches dancing everywhere with they b**bs all hanging out (everyone forgot to pack a bra!) if i werent so enlitened i would have gotten some p. serious chubb
anyhoo, gotta go home tomorrow and im gonna miss these slags they say theyll always be in my metaphor woom but i dont knw what that means (i think they talking about facebook) i got a lot to htink about like calling my gramma more and tipping strippers more or whatever
so keep your dreams alive guyz and ill get back to you on the flippy floppy
well im off to get a ritual scar on my breast (symbolizes sisterhood) and then to the chilli cook off
smocke weed every day! and jes*s will provide yall
Both sexes cheat. It's not just a man thing. And both cheat for the same reasons. AND both the cheated on spouses really don't want to know! I don't care how much he or she whines about wanting to know the truth. It's bull shit. The truth only alleviates the conscious of the cheater and hurts the the feelings of the one cheated on. John was right that if you don't want to be cheated on, don't leave your spouse alone for ten minutes, ect ect. But here's the truth of the matter:
DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL.
What you don't want to know won't hurt you.
At least Bush got something right.
And I love Josie and the Pussy Cats
Anonymous: That is the biggest load of horseshit I have heard all week. I have been cheated on, I did want to know, and I'm still glad he told me. So go fuck yourself.
Ooh, controversy. Anonymous, of course both sexes cheat. I disagree that it's for the same reasons typically speaking, although I think there's a fair amount of overlap between the sexes as far as "typical" mating behaviour goes. Research suggests that men desire a greater number of partners, and aren't too picky about quality, while women desire a superior partner, since they only have one womb apiece. This points to why polygyny has been fairly commonplace in different human cultures at different times, while polyandry has been extremely rare, and usually limited to cases involving a very high degree of relation between the two male partners.
Regarding your feisty assertion that cheated-on partners really don't want to know, I don't think that's quite true. I know I would want to know, and I think most people would. The existence of a private investigation industry outside movies and novels seems to attest this.
Let's keep it civilized, people. There's no need to get nasty.
You can easily say you want to know until you actually find out, then it hurts so bad you wish you had never known in the first place. And, John, your point is well taken about the different reasons men and women cheat, wombs and spreading it around and all, but given the opportunity,especially in a sexless or low sex marriage, women cheat just as much as men.
Laurie:
After you were cheated on, did you feel better knowing he was with another woman? Didn't you lie awake at night wondering if she was better, and why he did it? Wouldn't it have just been better to have gone about your happy life in blissful ignorance without the visions of a cheating husband in your head? He stayed with you. Isn't that enough?
I wish I could understand where you're coming from anon, but I really don't. Thankfully I wasn't married to my cheater, but we did live together and were planning to get married. I left him and started a new life, and I can say with confidence that I would have done the same thing even if we had been married. Of course I didn't feel better knowing about the other woman, but I'm glad I found out so that I could get out of the relationship. A man who cheats isn't worth staying with. Sorry.
Good for you Laurie.
John: The private detective industry is big not because people want to know that their significant other is cheating, but instead, that he/ she is not cheating. She wants affirmation that he is being faithful. If that detective told her he was not cheating, she would sigh with relief and internally acknowledge his love for her, no matter the truth.
And as for evolutionary biology:
It's easier to cheat now because the societal taboos on cheating are less stringent than say 50 year ago. Condoms are used to keep from having children. People cheat because sex is fun, not because they want to spread their seed around or want to reserve their uterus for that 'special someone.'
With that said, I'm going out to find Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Right. And I'm going to use a condom because I want to have fun, not procreate. How's that for fucking with your evolutionary stance? And I know I'm not the only one.
Anonymous: Evolutionary psychologists often distinguish between proximate and ultimate goals. The proximate goal of sex is pleasure, and its ultimate goal is reproduction. The proximate goal of eating a sundae is pleasure, the ultimate goal is the metabolic profit to be gained from concentrated amounts of fat and sugar. As evolved beings, we often pursue proximate goals (sex, fast food) while being unaware or even fearful of their ultimate consequences. Birth control and social taboos have very little to do with our evolved instincts, which were mostly shaped in or around the Pleistocene era.
Look at it this way: many men fantasize about going to, say, a dance club and taking home 2 or 3 women at the end of the night. They almost never get to, however, because any one of said women has been fantasizing about going to the same club and taking home the best man for herself.
Instinct is a tricky thing. We're not genetically hard-wired robots--gene sequences that influence behaviour interact with cultural triggers, and the behavioural results are spread out over what's called a norm of reaction. The study of gene-culture coevolution is a complex field that's still in its infancy. Nonetheless, I'd be willing to bet that when you find Mr. Right Now, you're not going to grab the first dirtbag you see, you're going to try to find the handsomest, cleverest, cleanest one who's willing to play ball, because you've evolved to be receptive to genetic fitness indicators, whether you intend to procreate or not.
Hey, McTavish, why do sheep cheat on humans, anyway?
handsomest is not a word. Mr. Right Now is who ever is available and willing. Everyone looks good after enough drinks, and that's my point.
Speaking of genes and instinct... isn't that something that is constantly changing as well. I mean aren't we changing the way we view each other now for future genes. And what about cultural memes? Who's to say we, I mean those who actively participate in social sexual behavior, aren't changing our genes by our sexual behavior and the amount of children we produce compared with to the amount of fathers.
Just a thought. I could be way off here.
holy fuck i didnt know i could be this bored
hey ananamouse fuck you get off my blog and everyone else lets talk about fighting or something
my favorite fight is b/w helipcoters and motorcycle gangs with rockets
2nd is b/w sharks and octopusses
and then chuck norri
So, if you suspect that your spouse is lying to you, you would rather PRETEND it isn't happening, or ignore your instincts, and let your marriage turn into a huge lie? Why not get it out in the open and, in time, move past it? WOuldn't that make you a stronger couple and at least a stronger person? When you ignore your instincts you begin a conflict within yourself and it makes you go CRAZY! When you "actually find out" you wish it had never HAPPENED in the first place, but at least you aren't wondering how many other things your partner has been lying about.
I agree with some of what anonymous says, though. If my husband were to go on a guys weekend to Vegas and he got a hooker, and he felt guilty about it, but there wasn't any chance of an ongoing dialogue or threat to the marriage, telling the wife WOULD be just to alleviate a guilty conscience. I wouldn't want to know. The hooker isn't hoping the guy will leave his wife for her. She just wants to get paid. But, if the situation were with a colleague or co-worker that changes everything. There is a chance of the spouse finding out from ongoing contact or, worse, from other people, and I think it is important for the relationship to hear it from the person with whom you exchanged vows!
I think it is a TERRIBLE idea to be so nonchalant about cheating. It isn't "easier" to cheat, or at least it shouldn't be. Maybe that is why the divorce rates are as they are. I think if you were serious about getting married, once you ARE married, divorce should be "off the table" unless, after years of really trying to work through differences, you're both completely miserable.
How could you not want to know if your husband went to a hooker?! That is definitely in my category of need to know information for two main reasons, (1) I would need to get my vag checked for rabies right away and (2) I need to know that I am married to the kind of man who would go to a hooker so that I can file for divorce. Thank you and goodnight.
im writing this coment in my sleepzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
sawin logs over here
Your husband will never go to a hooker. And he'll wan to spend ALL his time with you, and he'll LOVE your mom, and he'll watch Sex in the City with you every Sunday night.
My friend has a Chinese buddy named Cha Ching. They call him "money"!
I am never getting married. I will have my octuplets all alone, just like that gross weird lady on the tv.
I'm not saying that going to a hooker is okay. What I'm saying is that sometimes people make BAD choices. Telling the partner, in this case, would be to relieve some guilt. HOwever,I don't think that running to the divorce lawyer at the first sign of trouble, or hookers, in any situation is holding up to your end of the vows any better than your lousy, cheating spouse.
I guess if what John says is true about men who aren't pussies, ugly broke or 10 inches long, women should be getting their poonanies checked for rabies more often anyway. Shit, I hate those cold speculums!
I'll check yer poonanies.
I go running at the first sign of hookers, believe me.
On this particular thread you are all full of crap. Cheating is simply the way that most people find their true love—and what the hell is wrong with that? Ask any couple who have been together for a long while and they invariably admit (if they are honest) that they found each other while they were in a relationship with someone else. Experimentation is part of learning. You don’t own your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. Everyone’s aim is to find that special someone with whom they are fully compatible, and with whom they are truly and deeply in love. Sometimes this takes several attempts. There is honor in acknowledging that a relationship is a mistake and then moving on to the next test. Like it or not, there is beauty in that. You only live once and it’s better to live absent the bitch.
Now Laurie, I don’t want to get personal here nor do I want to offend you, but if as a result of his cheating, your ex-boyfriend found his true love, would you not be happy for him? If the roles were reversed, and you cheated on him but in the process you found Mr. Special, would you not expect your ex to be gracious about it and to genuinely wish you well? If your answer is negative, you’re being childish. You’d be basically saying that it’s all about you. Sorry, but your ex has as much a right to be happy as you do.
I’ve also found that cheating is a nice and clean, surgical way to break up. With this method, the girl you are breaking with doesn’t try to talk you out of it. She usually ends up despising you and that helps with the healing process...at least I think so.
As for you John, my vulgar and repulsive friend, now that you’re living in cattle country I’m sure you found your special bovine love on your first foray to the rolling fields around Dallas. Or maybe you used that peculiar local “dating” service that matches assholes like you with cows. Either way, I’m guessing that on your first “date” you led Betsy to Starbucks, had a grande latte, wooed her with some seductive mooing, took her to the back alley and made sweet triumphant love, then finished the night with a Natural American Spirit cigarette. I’m happy for you and Betsy. Is it still technically cheating if you have sex with a “womyn” from another species?
Good Christ, he's a monster.
McTavish: Horseshit. I have a few rules in my life and they include, don't stay with someone who isn't right for you (better to be single), and if you're at the point of cheating it's time to reevaluate your relationship and probably break it off. It doesn't have to come to cheating.
I knew something was wrong in my relationship even before my ex cheated and I tried several times to get him to open up and admit something was wrong. He should have been man enough to admit that he was unhappy and wanted to leave. And he should have left. Not cheated on me so that I would hate him. That is a fucking weak way to break up a relationship. People needs to get themselves some integrity.
And yeah, McTavish is a beast. I wouldn't want to be his alter-ego.
I'm with (N)BNL. Boring.
Geez, guys, sorry this isn't entertaining enough for you. Since it's my mission in life to amuse and distract the dullard, I guess I'm sucking pretty hard.
Here's some tits and fire, and some guys firing shotguns at car windshields. You know, you can find this stuff on youtube yourselves and you don't have to read the comments here at all.
Also, Carrot Top, for your mental delectation. Enjoy!
And "handsomest" is a word, FYI.
I am sooooo with McTavish on this.
@John
Ha ha!
Since you're a humanities graduate student, and therefore an expert on tits, do you think those are real or photo-shopped?
You're creepy but you have a great sense of humor.
I prefer you to qualify YouTube videos first. Requires less thinking and more watching. More fun.
1. Who the fuck is Scott Peterson?
2. Photoshopped, I think. There are no stretch marks around where her breasts attach to her chest, which seems unusual.
3. WTF do you mean, "creepy?"
i cant believe this made it to 56 coments i still dont konw who gary neuman twat is i wish you reviewed cheaters the tv show instead of this boring dued b/c cheaters is ballz out as f**kc mtoherfuck*rs throwing punches like lennox lewis on that show
i bet a positive review of slavlery would have gotten less attenxion
Internet John,
Here is the Wikipedia page for Scott Peterson[htn?fhagh> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scott_Peterson [END CODE NOW PLEASE]<./HTL!]<[IMGA Source"":-)
He also seems to be a regular reader of R3.
You didn't answer my other question, prick face.
I'm not McTavish, you dill. I didn't call you "creepy."
Glenn's far too lazy and a comment section pacifist, Chris isn't on here enough, Loco doesn't care, Laurie's plenty rude just being herself, Tom isn't quarrelsome and seldom writes more than a paragraph. That leaves Viking Andrew, who's both verbose and slightly more "alpha male" than he is crazy. I think you're McTavish.
This is like fucking Clue for Internet retards.
I wouldn't be a pacifist if there was a huge argument re: KvP happening in the comment section.
Internet John,
I swear on my alpha-male testes that I am not McTavish. To be quite frank, I've spent the last week believing you were McTavish--orchestrating angry back-and-forths with yourself for the purposes of [a?HT>L?{ self promotion ]END
.
Your Clue abilities are admirable, but you forgot one other possibility: McTavish is actually a non-contributing poster.
Glenn: What is KvP?
um i thought McTavish was John's friend from Canada? i've thought this for months... he's been on here before right?
and i care! i care deeply.
I didn't exactly mean you don't care, but rather that you probably have better things to do than pretend to be a surly Scotsman just to fuck with me.
The fact that McTavish conveniently showed up mere hours after I posted comments suggesting that the Scots are a bunch of pasty, drunken sheep fuckers suggests to me that he's somebody's sock puppet, so to speak.
And KvP, I'm pretty sure, is Kirk vs. Picard. What else could it possibly be, coming from Glenn?
I always thought John was McTavish. But what the hell do I know, I'm rude.
My grandpa won the lottery on his birthday true story.
Wouldn't it be funny if this post ended at 69? Oh, shit; I just ruined it.
I can't believe this has 70 comments.
wait... whose tom
Laurie: Someone has to tell anonymous posters to go fuck themselves.
NBNL: I think he's some guy with the face of a bat.
Well they really do run that risk if they post as anonymous. Or if they post with a fake name. Or their actual name. Or really if they post anything at all.
I take it back. McTavish is Tom.
KvP? For real?
Without K, there would be no Trek.
Let's just say that this new movie isn't about the origins of P and his touchy-feely crew.
John from Daejeon
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