Friday, January 16, 2009

ID Flavored Lubes

Some people view lube as a purely functional item, and to that I say, that's too bad, because there are lubes out there that are made to taste like all sorts of fruit and tropical Tiki beverages. I know we're in a recession and all, but can you really come up with an excuse not to have a sampler pack of ten different flavored lubes? Our parents could only dream of a time when lube came in flavors like Wild Cherry, Passion Fruit, Watermelon, and Bubblegum; it's a sin for these lubes to exist and for us to spit in the face of product evolution by not using them. Flavored lube is a great introductory item for your goodie drawer; if you produce a huge purple dong on the first date, your date might scream and run (unless you mention the dong specifically on your Cragislist ad, in which case, kudos to you for your foresight). If you take out some Pina Colada flavored lube, though, who's going to be offended? The picture to the right makes it look like a chapstick. And apparently ID has evolved itself to include a pump top -- genius. Just brilliant. It's time everyone learned what the girls and gays have known for a long, long, time.

(Photo courtesy of cheaplubes.com. Yes, that's a real site. Thank me later.)

RATING: 91% (deductions for the glycerin, which may or may not be a problem)

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Have you tried what they're selling at Jiffy Lube?

LoCo said...

I don't like the association of "jiffy" with anything involving lube.

Anonymous said...

Great writing, loco.
"Spit in the face", you deserve a medal for that line!
loves it.

John said...

Product evolution is an atheist lie. They change because Jeezus wants them to.

As someone whose life is largely an elaborate masturbatory gesture, I find it difficult to decide if this product excites or bores me.

LoCo said...

Happy Birthday?
http://www.cheaplubes.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWCATS&Category=386

laurie said...

I've never understood the appeal of flavored lube, but I dunno maybe I will try it on your recommendation. I just don't get why I would want a dude's junk to taste like peaches. I especially wouldn't want it to taste like bubblegum.

LoCo said...

Yeah good point: bubblegum might be dangerous...

shoppista said...

Pump top -- why doesn't every lube on the planet have this?