Friday, November 14, 2008

Saturn

The most distinguishing feature of Saturn is its fancy pants rings, but big deal, all the gas giants in this solar system have them. My tub has a ring but you don't see loser astronomers pointing their telescopes at it. Overall, Saturn is a pretty cool planet. It is huge compared to earth, but it is less dense than water so if you could find a glass big enough it would actually float on top ("Facts Every Third Grader Knows," 2nd ed). Saturn has something like 60 moons, but scientists don't know whether or not to count really big chunks of rock in its rings as moons, so it could have double that. Anyway all those small moons are boring as hell but Saturn's moon Titan is not, because it has a dense atmosphere and standing lakes and oceans. Of poison, but still you have to admit that's cool.

RATING: 81%

6 comments:

John said...

In astrology, Saturn has a heavy, critical, limiting influence. A person with a saturnine personality is gloomy, sluggish, melancholy and taciturn, and may have problems with a hypertrophied superego, in Freudian terms. Saturn also rules the knees, and Capricorns, whose planet is Saturn, are said to often have bad knees. Not like I know anyone who is overbearing, critical, gloomy, sluggish and has bad knees.

Astrology can be pretty freaky, once you get over the facts that 1) it's pretty much the gayest thing in the universe; and 2) there's no good scientific reason why it should work.

Anonymous said...

I'm a Capricorn, and my knees pop everytime I bend them. Now I know why. Thanks, Saturn.

John said...

It could be worse. I hear if you're a Taurus you have a really sore anus all the time.

DCP said...

Ha ha, stupid Tau... wait a second.

Anonymous said...

Hmm... Are Capricorns' sore knees and Tauruses' sore anuses related in any way?

John said...

Better a pitcher than a catcher, I always say.