Monday, November 24, 2008

Martini

I like to think of the martini as a reminder to the rest of the world to shut the fuck up about America. Its contribution to the world is enough of a pass for America to continue the downward spiral for at least the next thousand years. Okay, while the true origin of the martini is largely debated most historical references point to an American origin, but whatever. I'm not going to go into all the he said/she said about vodka vs. gin either. We all know a "real martini" is purely gin, but let's not be assholes, kids. It's all okay with me as long as you don't consider an appletini an actual martini. I prefer my martini very dry (a light spritz of vermouth in the glass), washed olives to help remove some of the briny flavor, and the gin diluted with a little water to help the notes blossom. Stirred? Absolutely, but that's purely a matter of preference.

RATING: 95%

16 comments:

LoCo said...

Beautiful! I'm weeping.

I wish bars carried gin besides Blue Sapphire and Tanquery. Those are definitely not two of my favorites.

Anonymous said...

Oh Christ. Martini's. Are you serious, Loll?

John said...

Washed olives are definitely key, especially if you're putting 9 of them in your martini.

As Jacopo Belbo said in Umberto Eco's Foucault's Pendulum, martinis in the afternoon stimulate and fortify, while whiskey in the evening is calming and induces reverie.

Chris said...

Hell yeah, Brininstool. I might drink beer 90% of the time, but a good gin martini is hard to beat every now and then.

But I do understand your sentiment. I really hate the martini glass itself, or at least how popular culture has redefined the martini. Cheers to Sex and The City!

Chris said...

just checked myself, and nothing in my Texan/masculinity complex says there's anything wrong with drinking two shots of gin with an olive.

It's just that glass...I'm going to stop there before I start sounding sexist, or completely insecure.

Anonymous said...

I'll start where you stopped:

martini glasses are totally gay. And by gay I mean homosexual.

But, okay. Your description of two-shots-of-gin-and-an-olive is convincing. Ignore my initial comment (re: Are you serious, Loll?)

John said...

"Hey Bruce, wanna come over tonight and wash my olives?"

I don't think your guys' sexist, homophobic jokes are very funny, BTW.

Chris said...

I hope they aren't funny either since 99.9% of my posts are sarcastic and completely ironic.

You're not getting soft on me are you John?

Chris said...

Except that bit about a spritz of vermouth and washed olives. That was pure honesty.

John said...

Irony? What's that?

And for the record, Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd isn't the least bit funny either.

LoCo said...

When I go home I'm going to have a big fat $15 martini for dinner. With big fat jalapeno-stuffed olives.

Anonymous said...

By home, loco, I guess you mean New Yawk? The only place that can charge $15 for a beverage and get away with it?

Chris said...

And people proudly pay, Andrew.

In case you aren't happy with the price they'll remind you how privileged you are to be in New York. That's typically free.

Anonymous said...

thers barely any reviews that dont get like 99 persent or like 1 persent dont you guys just like stuffff a little bit!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!?

LoCo said...

Ha ha ha guys. Ha ha ha.
$15 is probably the price of a dive bar martini, who am i kidding? But I am thankful for a city where you can get a martini in a dive bar.

Anonymous said...

Loco,

Just admit Texas is better. Just do it already. I've been waiting my entire life to hear those words from you...