CT scans

A CT scan, or "cat scan," is sort of like a really, really slow moving amusement park ride after which you supposedly find out if the giant fucking lump in your throat is due to allergies, cancer, or maybe just an alien embryo. It only takes about 5 minutes for the procedure, during which you get to lie on a comfy plastic table and get a fun intravenous injection of iodized contrast medium. It also costs $800, which works out to about $160 per minute, or $2.67 per second. That's more than the Bill Lynch Show, but less than Disneyland.

RATING: 1% or 100%, depending on what the radiologist tells you on Monday

(Image from www.lasallegeneralhospital.com.)