Dear White Anglophone Parents of North America:Please don't name your children Haley, Bailey, Daley, Riley, Kylie, Briley, Austin or Madison. They're not dogs, they're human beings, and no one should have to grow up with a name like that. A whole generation of kids have already been molested by Dustin, Crystal, Jarret, Travis and Curtis. Please stop now.
Sincerely,
Internet John
RATING: Horrible names 2%
Grinning white ape 89%
(Image from www.weirdthings.org.uk. Names that don't sound fucking retarded can occasionally be found in the Bible, the works of Shakespeare, or one's own family tree.)
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10 comments:
I don't know where people get all these names. Maybe they think that if they pick something terrible then at least nobody else will have the same name?
If that's true then they're not doing a very good job. My daughter has 3 Haleys and a Bailey in her grade, and my stepsister just had a Haley yesterday.
I have like a running list in my head of names that I never heard until came to the south, that now seem to be everywhere. I think cats deserve nice ironic names, like to be named for ferocious Greek warriors when they run at the sound of the garbage disposal.
Or jazz legends!
I would like to add to that list Dakota, Lakota, and anything else that is a) a state or b) the name of a tribe to which you do not, in fact, belong. (One of my nephews has one of these names. Cute kid. I feel sorry for him.)
My cat thanks loco for approving of his awesome name.
Also, fun fact--the name Madison came into popularity because of the movie Splash. Our readers may recall that when Tom Hanks asks the mermaid her name she looks up at a Madison Ave street sign and says her name is Madison. His response is "Madison! That's not a name!" Thanks Tom Hanks!
I don't really see what's wrong with Travis, tho. Like Randy Travis. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7xDF0hfgAA
i like crystal becaause it does double duty as a name and a favorit place to eat
And a drug.
My favorite awesomely bad white kid name has to be Bryce. It sounds like something one does to a car to make it sparkle.
Haha, Glenn, didn't we go to high school with someone name Bryce Dickey. What a crappy name!
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