Glenn

For my inaugural post here on Reviews, I've decided to review Glenn. Glenn is a pretty cool guy and a good friend. He'll be there for you if you need a ride to the pet store to buy worms for your ungrateful lizard or if your asshole boyfriend breaks up with you and you need to call someone and hysterically cry in the middle of the night, so I guess you could say he has a good range of supportive abilities (way better than a jock strap, which from what I can tell, only supports one area). He also has frequently has candy at his house or on his person and if you can get him to admit that he has it, he will usually share with you. And finally, I can't decide if this is a good thing or bad, but it goes without saying that Glenn is a giant nerd. I mean, it's nice to have a friend who understands references to Dr. Who and Star Trek, and who I can call if I just want to ask if Spiderman went to college (I actually did that once!), but sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing as too nerdy. And then I listen to Weezer's "In The Garage" and remember that I love nerds, so that's impossible. Therefore, Glenn is tops, two thumbs up, a fresh tomato.

Just realized I'm supposed to give a percentage rating. I guess we'll give Glenn about an 85%. Better than most stuff, but not the really great stuff like kinky sex and beer. Although too much of him rarely leaves me puking into a bucket while my friends enjoy the last few hours of my birthday party so he might actually rate higher than beer.