Some people think simply not calling a person is a perfectly acceptable way to say “not interested.” I am not one of these people. Specifically, I’m talking about a situation where you go on one or two dates with someone and then for whatever reason decide that you’re no longer interested in dating them. But instead of calling and politely saying, “hey I think you’re nice, but you’re just not right for me,” you simply don’t return their calls. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the motivation to go the no-call route—no doubt, it’s a lot easier on the party doing the rejecting. But it’s also rude as hell and completely immature. So here’s what I have to say to no-call rejectors: Any person that was willing to take time out of their schedule to go on one or more dates with you deserves the basic respect of a polite call saying you aren’t interested. Any other method just makes them feel bad and you look like an asshole.Rating: immaturedickwad%
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33 comments:
oops. that was totally how i did business. but i really didn't do it to be mean or a jerk, and if the person called me and tried to set up another date, i would tell them straight out that I'd rather not. to be fair, a lot of people would do something that would make me not want to talk to them again -- like the guy who, when I told him my parents hadn't been to college, said "Wow -- how did you get to be so smart?" He deserved another call from me? Don't think so.
Also calling someone specifically to tell them "Hey I'm not into you/would rather not see you again" seems awkward to me... like a breakup when you weren't even going out, or going out of your way to make a person feel bad when you could have let it fizzle and die naturally. Avoiding calls is just cowardly, though. There's got to be a better way, though -- some happy-medium way of handling things where no one feels too dissed...
@Laurie,
Rating?
Speaking of, I hate the no-call rejection from jobs after having an interview. I mean, I'm "fine" with never hearing back from just an application, but if I take time out of my day to come down to speak to you I think I deserve the courtesy of at least an e-mail perhaps?
glen you shld just get a jobit wld make your life way easier (i work at arbys)
speeking of relationship issues, yall shld read this:
this thing
its like 190 pages and its hecka misogninstic but itll make yall laff
Guess I've got some calling to do.
But I think it's just understood if you don't hear from someone early on then the interest has died out. One or two dates isn't enough effort or energy. Especially since the first two are mostly about the possibility of sex being involved.
Years ago I had a completely different opinion on this, but I think my new perspective is a result of maturity. So, I'd have to disagree with you entirely.
In closing, I think loco brought up some really good points. Sometimes calling to say you're not interesting possibly seems arrogant.
@loco and Chris: I was more thinking of a scenario where one party calls looking for another date (the "rejectee") and the other party (the "rejector") doesn't take the call and then never calls the rejectee again. Not really a situation where you call someone just to dump them. If neither party calls then it's pretty even, but for god sakes if someone calls and says they want to see you again, just politely tell them you aren't interested. I mean, come on, don't be a jerk.
@VA: Rating added!
Also...@Glenn: Yeah, that's especially reprehensible from a job. If you interview someone then it's extremely unprofessional to not at least send a rejection email/letter.
If you call and don't hear back then there's not much you can do.
I've got to say I haven't had any hurt feelings (recently) if I didn't get a call back. There's way too many people to get caught up with one. Kind of just gotta move on.
But I'm pretty much a badass nowadays. So ya' know, ain't no thang.
PARTNER: Hello?
CHRIS: Hello. Listen, I'm sorry, I'm just not interesting.
PARTNER: Sweety, I knew that from the moment I read your review of Lake Erie.
CHRIS: -ed! I meant -ed!
PARTNER: Who's Ed? I'll kill him!
@Chris: I'd say "pissed off" is more the emotion this makes me feel, but I dunno, I guess I just like closure and shit. I always use this straightforward method with rejectees and I've had a lot of people tell me they were really appreciated my approach. I mean, if somebody's a straight up asshole I might handle the situation a little differently, but if it's just a nice person who I'm not totally into then I try to be as nice and respectful as possible, and simply not returning calls doesn't cut it.
@IJ: What the fuck are you talking about?
I don't know, I'm just not sure it's better to tell someone that.
What I mean is that some people might appreciate your frankness, while others will see it as arrogance. I think you have to judge each situation and person the best you can.
@L
Chris' first comment, last paragraph.
Perhaps your erstwhile Romeo was afraid he'd get an earful of cuss words.
You know John, I wish I could edit that comment and make your shit completely irrelevant.
All in the game, Chris, my man. Someday I too will make an English mistake usually reserved for first generation Asian immigrants, and when I do, you'll be waiting.
In the meantime, you can't beat a good cry.
(I guess I just needed to vent my anger/frustration.)
I was talking about Chris.
Next time I see you, John, you'll be crying when Viking Andrew dislocates your shoulder.
lets talk open relationships
btw this will be the only warning if you dont click my link your going to miss out on the best thing that ever ahppened on the internet (possibly the bets thing that happen to anyone in hitsory
@I.J.,
"...usually reserved for first generation Asian immigrants."
Don't you think it's funny / awesome when some (SOME, not all) first generation Asian immigrants have restaurants with names that are descriptions of what they sell? There's one here in the Metroplex, a donut shop named DONUT. Isn't that funny? No? Am I alone on this?
Again I'll reiterate that I'm not talking about calling just to reject someone. I'm talking about returning their call when they call you. It's just freaking rude to not return people's calls.
And I don't need a good cry. I've already got a new dude to allay my frustrations. ;-)
is it me?
Damn, R Kelley tag I already told you I'm not into water sports.
@ Andrew
It's even better in Korea where the businesses have cartoon mascots and Konglish signs. For example, you'll see a chicken with a chef's hat cooking itself in a pot, and the sign will read (in Hangul) "CHI KI NUH".
hey n e one know where glenn is?
he's not returning my calls...
He's in Arkansas...something about a coffee pot!
hahaha...
yeah i agree with laurie. unless you HATE someone, you can pick up the phone and give a polite "no thanks." we is grown-ups... i mean mostly... sort of.
Sometimes we is, anyway.
PENIS!
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