Sunday, July 5, 2009

Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee


Semi-Homemade is a terrible show on the Food Network where the WASP-iest woman you've ever seen "combines 70% ready-made products with 30% fresh" to make mediocre 70% processed food dishes that I wouldn't let anywhere near my damn kitchen. Recipe highlights include "Mascarpone and Grape Puff Pastry Bites" (includes bacos!), "Tea Sandwiches" (Seriously? Tea Sandwiches?), and Spicy Bat Wings and Bat Chips with Goblin Dip (received a whopping ONE star from reviewers on her website). The only props I will give this show is that Lee includes a cocktail recipe in each episode, but I do have to take those props back because she also includes a "tablescape" design in each episode. Lame!

Rating: 2%

14 comments:

creeped out by her eyes said...

I've been looking everywhere for recipes that are higher in sodium and lower in nutrients.

If she is really worried about giving everyone "confidence to create food that looks and tastes from scratch" why not teach people how to make food from scratch?

WASP-y and wasp-y! Predatory, stinging, Anglo-Saxon insect!

shoppista said...

This is her worst creation ever:

http://www.foodnetwork.com/videos/kwanzaa-cake/1455.html

It's a Kwanzaa cake, and I believe Sandra Lee's thought process was "I don't know anything about Kwanzaa, so I'll just make a cake that is equally incomprehensible!"

Anonymous said...

You seppos and your racial taxonomies. No wonder Dave Chappelle lost his bloody mind.

laurie said...

I can't decide what's funnier, the simple fact that this incredibly white lady made a Kwanzaa cake at all or the fact that the cake looks like something I pooped with candles stuck in it.

John said...

Best served alongside Drunken Negro Head Cookies.

One good hyperlink turns a running joke from esoteric to exoteric.

The Trick said...

If you ask me, 2% is an extremely generous rating.

Chris said...

Yeah, she is a WASP, and I should have known that's like the worst thing ever for a hipster.

laurie said...

Damn Chris, just buy me a ring already.

shoppista said...

The Kwanzaa cake is such an amazing trainwreck of ingredients, too. Angel food cake + can icing, errr, okay, not great, but... wait, you're adding cocoa and cinnamon to the can icing? Hmm. ...Apple pie filling? Are you FUCKING kidding me? Acorns? Pumpkin seeds? Green and red table-sized taper candles?

It's like she made the cake out of all the dusty shit she found in the very back of her pantry.

laurie said...

Maybe she thinks these are foods that black people like?

laurie said...

And I still can't get over her using icing from a can. My god, woman, icing takes two minutes to make! Gross, gross.

LoCo said...

Ann Coulter's bastard daughter?

Walter Benjamin and the Mechanical Reproductions (the band) said...

i think you mean bitch

Veronica said...

I just watched one of her shows about a "Mexican Fiesta" and OMG!!!! She had not one but THREE pinatas in the window, weird "Mexican" colors all over the place, maracas and a "Mexican" shirt. The whole scenery was all about Mexican stereotypes. The only thing missing was the sleeping Mexican under the sombrero covered with a poncho. There was nothing Mexican about the menu except the words taco and loco. Just because you use tortillas does not mean you just "cooked" Mexican food. This woman is a classist and a racist. I am deeply offended by this. This "Mexican Fiesta" episode is the equivalent of a Mexican dressing like a hillbilly with guns and animal heads on the walls to showcase "typical" American food... or just like making a "Kwanzaa Cake". I wouldn't be surprised if she did an African American celebration with fried chicken, watermelon salad, dressed in tribal clothes and put on a hat with feathers. This woman is a joke!