Arabs

Arabs are from the land of Arabia, which is over the sea next to England or something. They're always doing despicable things like saving the classics of Western civilization from the Christian barbarians during the Dark Ages, or torturing American children by inventing algebra. Lots of racists think Muslim Arabs are terrorists, and I guess a few of them are, but so are Irish people and at least Muslims aren't stinking drunk all the time. If you get blown up by an Arab, it'll likely be because he has a neurological incident on the Houston freeway and crashes his Honda into a propane truck with you in the front seat.

RATING: 90%.

(Image from http://sabbah.biz.)

Leo Quan Badass V Bridge

As near as I can tell, the main purpose of the Leo Quan Badass V bridge is to put $80 worth of Fancy on your bass. Lots of people laud its effect on sustain, or "attack" (whatever that means), but I've been playing bass for 12 years, and I've had the same Fender Mexi-Jazz for the last 5 of them, and to be honest I don't fretboard sometimes now. I guess I'm happy that my bass is all "modded out." If I ever meet Geddy Lee we'll have something to talk about besides whether Rush fans are better categorized as nerdwads or gaywads, so there you go.

RATING: 70%

(Image from farm1.static.flickr.com.)

Punisher: The Slavers

I'm opposed to capital punishment, but I think if there's any crime whose perpetrator's deserve execution, it's human trafficking. So although this is just a fictional comic with a character created for kids in the 70s, I have to say watching the Punisher disembowel, decapitated, and perforate a bunch of guys running a sex slave ring is pretty satisfying. Of course, that doesn't do anything to stop actual human trafficking, but I suppose the more people are exposed to this in the media, the more it will alert them to the problem in reality. Anyway, I just told you the plot, but one additional thing that Garth Ennis does in his Punisher run (since Frank Castle himself is not very three dimensional) is introduce side characters and plots to help inject some humanity into the story. I think it's a smart move, and the side story about the two cop partners and their strained relationship is pretty good, and I guess you can't really have a comic that's 99% murder.

RATING: 83%

Dinner with Immanuel Kant

YOU: Do you think I look nice tonight?

KANT: This explanation of the beautiful can be inferred from the preceding explication of it as an object of a liking devoid of all interest. For if someone likes something and is conscious that he himself does so without any interest, then he cannot help judging that it must contain a basis for being liked for everyone.

YOU: Uh, OK. Thanks, I guess. Are you having a good time? How's your schnitzel?

KANT: [A] judgement of taste is not a cognitive judgement and so is not a logical judgement but an aesthetic one, by which we mean a judgement whose determining basis cannot be other than subjective. But any reference of presentations, even of sensations, can be objective (in which case it signifies what is real in an empirical presentation); excepted as a reference to the feeling of pleasure and displeasure--this reference designates nothing whatsoever in the object, but here the subject feels himself, how he is affected by the presentation.

YOU: ...

RATING: I honestly have no fucking clue. 20%, maybe? 80%?

(Image from www.en.wikipedia.org. Quotes from Critique of Judgement via The Norton Anthology of Criticism.)

Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan soundtrack by James Horner

We all know that Jerry Goldsmith's score for the first Star Trek movie is classic in its own right, but to me James Horner's music for parts II and III always hold a higher place in my musical heart. Maybe it's partly because they're better movies, but a lot of it is because Horner has a knack to build odd instrumentations and chord shifts driven largely by the brass that I love. I could probably sing every song on this album on cue. Aw, who am I kidding, there's no probably about it.

RATING: 92%

John Updike

John Updike is somebody who wrote this story A&P which Professor Jake (he wants us to call him by his first name) made us read and then come to class and he asked us, in that way he does, “So what is this story about? What happens?” So what. I told him what I thought I said “This dude checks out this girls ass the whole time,” and everybody laughed. But the. thing about Prof Jake is he can’t come down on you. He doesn’t believe in that kinda thing he says while straightening his ponytail. So you. He says to me he says OKay lets run with that. This dude checks out this girls ass the whole time and we all laughed cause he says ass. Then Jake-off (we call him that on Facebook) asks us what this tells us about american culture and we all shut up. I mean, what the fuck? Seriously. What the fuck! Plus we all knew Rebecca Chalmers was gonna answer anyway cause she always does cause Im pretty sure I don’t know it but Im pretty fuckin sure she’s giving jake-off all sorts of bjes during his office hours. And she did! I mean she told us. She told us all about A&P and John Updike and shit. But I don’t know what she said[ I was texting my bro Crispin about his lakehouse and jagerbombs. In conclusion, John Updike wrote 61 books, among them A&P and died a few years ago from lung cancer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Updike#Early_life) and the world will never recover.

42%butthat'sjustmyopinionandyoumightdisagreed.

This post by Viking Andrew.

(Image from www.guardian.co.uk. Also, check out this hilarious editorial about John Updike at The Onion.)

Sports Off Center

As if it wasn't bad enough to rip your name from a better sports program on a better network (as opposed to Houston's 55), this crap show found it necessary to mock both the Hudson plane landing, 9/11, and Muslims. On their "Catch of the Day" segment, they showed a picture of geese in the water, then said something about finding more information about what caused the plane to go down last month. The geese were wearing simulated turbans. "Suspicious headgear!" commented that attractive guy above. Thanks. Thanks for calling a turban "suspicious headgear," reminding us all to fear Muslims and Arabs because they're probably all terrorists. Thanks for implying that a freak disaster involving a flock of geese and a crash-landing that mercifully killed no one is similar to several crashes brought on by religious extremist nutjobs that killed thousands. Thanks for feeling, as always, that what happened in 2001 is still prime material for your bad jokes and baseless racism. And thanks, really, to all the checks and balances this little "joke" had to make it past so that it could be broadcast into my home where I really didn't need to hear it. I would love to believe that I am not the only person who saw that segment that was offended by it. But mostly I feel like this post is the most attention the ill-conceived crack will get.

RATING: BLINDIGNORANCE%

This Film Is Not Yet Rated

We all know that the MPAA's rating system is sort of fucked. In the early 90s, the NC-17 rating was established so that non-pornographic films wouldn't have to worry about being automatically labeled as pornographic as a result of getting an 'X' rating. Today, that doesn't work, since most movie theaters and video stores won't rent out NC-17 movies. This movie documents the bizarre history of the ratings system, how it's tied to quasi-religious beliefs, and how sex (especially homosexual sex) gets much harsher treatment than violence. The main problem to me was that it was divided into a more interesting, educational part of the movie in which they discussed rating history and interviewed famous directors, and a less interesting part of the movie in which a private eye tries to track down the secret ratings board and discover who they are in real life (they are supposed to be all parents with kids between 5 and 17, but in actuality only one of them is). It's ok I guess, but you could probably learn everything you wanted by following this link to wikipedia.

RATING: 60%

The Dark Knight Returns

Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns is the definitive Batman story, the best superhero book ever written, and the 2nd best graphic novel/comic of all time. Published in 1986, the pit of the Reagan era, DKR imagines a contemporary Batman in his fifties who has been retired for ten years. Gotham is overrun by mutants who dress like bizarre funhouse versions of 80s punk rockers, news reporters who get giddy at any hint of violence or devastation, and a president (Reagan) who pushes the country to the brink of war by using his charm and the American flag as a ruse. Batman comes back from retirement to ostensibly try to change the hopelessness society is feeling, but more likely because Bruce Wayne is psychotic. Anyway, Frank Miller himself has proven himself to be legitimately insane and a hack in the two decades since DKR was published, but this is still one of the most amazing reads you'll ever have in comic book form. I never cease to be surprised by it, and you owe it to yourself and your economy to go buy a copy of it brothers and sisters.

RATING: 100%

Superbowl

Have you ever had a bowl of cereal or soup? Well, imagine if that bowl was way bigger, then it would be called a superbowl. Also, if instead of generic Captain Crunch with Crunchberries it held 95,000 people and two pro football teams and was broadcast worldwide and American society came to a halt whenever it happened once a year, then it would be called a Superbowl but with a capital 's.' I'm not one of those people who claims to hate the Superbowl, but I've never been able to care about the NFL as much as I care about college football, and that isn't very much to begin with. Football, to me, is about as representative of America as you can get: a lot of stupid people are fans of it, it's entertaining to watch, on the surface it appears to be about mindless violence, but deep down it's hopelessly complex and more about old white men behind the scenes stragegizing their way to victory than anything that happens on the actual field. Go Ravens!

RATING: 59%

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

I went to this movie looking for one thing and one thing only--to see lots of werewolves fighting vampires. I didn't (and still don't) care about the complicated back story, or the love story, or any of the "lore," and I didn't need this movie to change my life. All I wanted was to see some werewolves tearing apart some vampires and vice versa. And with that expectation in mind, I was not disappointed. With the exception of one particularly laughable angel sex* scene and spurts of talking that were really just there to move the plot onto the next fight, it was mostly fighting, and that suits me just fine.

Rating: 86% (Within the context of my expectations, mostly awarded for violence.)

*Angel sex is the term I use for those campy other worldly sex scenes that you find in movies. The best example comes from the movie Wall Street, where we see Charlie Sheen and Daryl Hannah acrobatically get it on silhouetted in front of a giant picture window overlooking the Manhattan skyline while Native American flute music plays in the background.

Vintage Violence by John Cale

Vintage Violence, John Cale's first solo album following his departure from the Velvet Underground, is one of my favorite albums ever. Cale wrote and recorded the music in 3 days, around the same era he was producing The Stooges' first album, The Stooges, along with Nico's The Marble Index. Vintage Violence is mostly a pop album with elements of folk, and I can't describe the album better than Rolling Stone magazines' Ed Ward (sad, I know) who stated that Vintage Violence sounds "like a Byrds' album produced by Phil Spector marinated for six years in burgundy, anise and chili peppers". Actually, I'm not entirely sure what the fuck that means but the Phil Spector part is fairly accurate. If you have to pay $.99/track (I understand, we are living in a recession) then I'd recommend "Hello, There", "Cleo" and "Bring It On Up." Goodnight everyone.

RATING: 93%

Reviews Reviews Reviews

So there's yet another blog called Reviews Reviews Reviews. This one only reviews restaurants in the Philippines. I guess that's what you'd call a "niche blog." I think the title is pretty misleading, though. It should just be Reviews. I bet we review more top meat than they do. Chris Loll is a regular bear for his top meat.

RATING: 60%

(Picture from forums.cybernations.net. You wouldn't believe how much stupid Star Wars shit comes up when you google "clone".)

Final Crisis

Firstly, there are no spoilers here. Secondly, I've been told that there's a fine line between genius and madness. Unfortunately, in the case of Final Crisis, someone has erased it. This was the total antipodal-opposite of decompressed storytelling. It's like someone writing a smart, funny, cognizant review on this website, except they used only SAT words and left out all the vowels. Sure, a few people died, heaven and hell, earth and time were redefined and blended, but what it really showed me was that with his taste for frenetic pace and the weird, Grant really, really, really should write an awesome Flash title, where everything gets good and fast and weird. Final Crisis was everything - good, bad, and ugly - all at once, all the time.

At any rate, I feel like I have descended into an orrery of words (not worlds!) and icons and fifty years of superheroics have been chopped into confetti and blown over a Macy's Day parade running in reverse.

RATING: 62% (but in actuality, ihavenoidea%)

(image courtesy of comicvine.com)

Spaghetti

You know spaghetti. It doesn't taste bad, but it doesn't taste especially good. Whenever Sarah and I can't come up with anything else to eat, or we want to make something that requires very little effort and is cheap, we make spaghetti with a jarred red sauce and ground turkey. With just a tiny bit more creativity (let's swap spaghetti noodles for gnocchi! how about adding spinach?) it wouldn't be quite so boring. But it also wouldn't be quite as easy. You know, like your mother.

It is the plain vanilla ice cream of dinners.

It is mediocrity.

It is the moon.

RATING: 50% (this means that it is better than Crisis on Infinite Earths, but worse than Changin' Tires on the Road to Ruin)

ALTERNATE ENDING: Here

(image courtesy of plus.maths.org)

Peanuts

Peanuts are a simple sort of legume that everybody likes except for people who can die as a result of being within several miles of one. Peanuts can be roasted, salted, boiled, candied, chocolate-covered, buttered, or salmonellied. I like them in the shell as a snack because breaking them open takes a little extra time which allows me to savor the idea of Peanut for a little longer. I also delude myself into thinking a peanut is a healthy snack because they are low in carbs. Too bad they are way high in fat (whoops).

RATING: 79%

Crisis On Infinite Earths

I suppose if you're a comic book company that's been around for 46 years you might have a real clusterfuck of continuity. So what better way to resolve that problem with a brand new 12 issue clusterfuck called Crisis on Infinite Earths? Back in 1985, DC had a problem, because different writers over the years had done different things with their characters: Superman was the last surviving Kryptonian or maybe it was Supergirl, Batman caught his parents' killer or maybe he didn't, The Flash was something who even knows. Anyway, they had this event to get everything on the right track but there's no use explaining it because even though I read a lot of comics and just read the whole thing, all I remember about it was that it was 12 issues of beautifully drawn nonsense in which Flash and Supergirl die. DC continues to have these events to straighten everything up every few years but who cares, they're largely incomprehensible even if they kill Batman.

RATING: 39%

Reviews Reviews Reviews!!!

Sometimes I try to Google the site and find out where it ranks in the organic search results (hint: it doesn't). But a site that I'd consider a precursor to R3 makes the list on page 2. Someone beat us to the punch long ago. But I doubt Brent Newland would find this site funny either. They failed to realize the geniusness behind arbitrary ratings, but some of the reviews are not bad. Is this your old site, Glenn?

RATING: 25%

Rayanne Graff

Rayanne Graff is the daughter of an alcoholic, histrionic mom and an absent father, and she's the best friend you've ever had. You current best friends are boring, goody-two-shoes cheerleaders on the Yearbook committee, and you are drawn to Rayanne's effusive spirit -- the way she doesn't care what people say about her, the way she sleeps around and doesn't apologize for it, the way she is friends with the elusive Tino. Your mom doesn't like Rayanne, and that makes you like her more. Rayanne hooks up with your intense boy-crush, but you have to forgive her because it's not like he was getting any from you, anyway. She is a lavish flash of intense light in your otherwise dreary world, and yet she can be so vulnerable that you need to forgive her flaws and you just want to help her figure things out. Rayanne comes with a faithful sidekick of her own, who will welcome you into the fold, but you can never replace Rayanne. She will dye your hair red in your bathtub and change your life forever.

RATING: 83%

Scientology

Scientology is a cult in which Tom Cruise believes that Xenu, dictator of the Galactic Confederacy, brought billions of people to earth 75 million years ago in spacecraft that looked like the Douglas DC-8, dropped them in or around volcanoes, and blew them up using hydrogen bombs. The disembodied souls of these victims hang around in modern times, glomming onto people and harming them spiritually. These days, the Church of Scientology uses techniques like "training" and "auditing" in conjunction with pseudoscientific devices like the electropsychometer in order to brainwash its members and get money and/or work out of them. I used to think L. Ron Hubbard was just an unscrupulous megalomaniac and a bad writer, but after reading about Gorilla Goals, the Obscene Dog Incident, Coffee Grinders, and Ice Cube Incidents, I find myself wondering if he weren't maybe schizophrenic as well. In conclusion, Scientology is not only cold, manipulative, greed-driven, exploitative and dangerous, it's also stupid and trashy, and is pretty much the worst "religion" ever.

RATING: 2%

(Image from home.snafu.de. Check out H.P. Lovecraft's "The Shadow Out of Time" for pulp science fiction that's smarter and more fun, without the brainwashing and spiritual pretension.)

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - Season 2 Disc 4

"Armageddon Game" - O'Brien and Bashir are helping some aliens get rid of biological weapons, but things go all screwy and O'Brien gets real sick (Boring).

RATING: 25%

"Whispers" - O'Brien comes back to the station but everybody's weird like what, they're robots now or some garbage?

RATING: 68%

"Paradise" - How come every planet in Star Trek is hella boring? Sisko and, you guessed it, O'Brien end up on a planet that has given up all technology in favor of farming and being boring assholes.

RATING: 53%

"Shadowplay" - Odo and Dax find some lame colony in which the people like farming, number less than 100, which doesn't differentiate it from any other post-TOS colony. Oh, they're holograms, spoilers.

RATING: 47%

Vince Offer

Infomercials are absolutely bizarre and strangely compelling, and the new kid on the block is spazzy douche Vince Offer. You may know him as "that jerk with the headset selling ShamWow." I know him as THE FUTURE. Yeah, so he's a former Scientologist also known for making a (reportedly) awful movie. He sold his bad movie through infomercials? Is he a genius or a moron? Yes? What kind of world do we live in? Spoiler alert - I own four ShamWows. I know, I am America.

Anyways, if you haven't seen the ShamWow or SlapChop infomercials, I think Seth Stevenson said it best when he said Vince possesses "smooth-talking condescension". I wish I was that insightful, but more than that, I wish I had that headset and sense of delusion that V.O. (that's what I call him) seems to possess. I can't decide if I want to punch him in the mouth or give him twenty-five dollars. And I think that's the idea.

RATING: 61% (which means that he's better than Fire & Ice (or The Cutting Edge 4), but worse than loving Bob Seger)

(image courtesy of mmo-champion.com?)

UTD Campus Construction

So they're building like 3 new buildings at UTD right now, and you can't get anywhere without going 10 minutes out of your way because the entire campus has been chopped up by huge machines. This would be fine, except there are these douchey signs all over the place that say "UTD: Pardon Our Progress." That isn't an apology, guys, it's an imperative, and a self-congratulatory one at that. A nice thing to say to the paying students who are putting up with your fucking detours and incessant jackhammering would be, "Sorry for the inconvenience." Unfortunately, I'm now going to have to find an alternative alcohol-free spot to enjoy neo-brutalist architecture in the company of BMW drivers talking on cell phones.

RATING: 13%, but it was only about 16% before they started digging giant holes everywhere. FUCK I hate Dallas.

(Photo of $85 million Natural Sciences and Engineering Research Building from www.telecomcorridor.com.)

Bob Seger

I pretty much think Bob Seger is the shit. He's from Detroit and performed there in his early career, so he's about as American as they come. He also formed the Silver Bullet Band (just like another American icon, Coors Light) and came out with the album Night Moves. There was also the hit "Mainstreet" on that album, which has heartland America written all over it. This dude is so fuckin' American. I love him. I want to marry him.

RATING: 90%

Fire And Ice: The United States, Canada And The Myth Of Converging Values by Michael Adams

The main problem with this book, which uses statistical analysis of social trends in the United States and Canada to examine the differences in each culture, is probably the problem with a lot of books written out of studies: it feels as though it could have been a nice, taut twenty page article that's been stretched out to (barely) book length to increase marketability. Sure, Adams' prose is entertaining, but he travels in circles for 146 pages and reuses the same analogies over and over (I think he compared American inner cities to Blade Runner at least five times). The basic message is this: American society is spiraling ever deeper into a crime ridden nihilistic society that believes self pleasure is the ultimate achievement whereas Canadian society is already a utopia in which every citizen is holding hands and doing their best to make it even more of a utopia. I agree with a lot of what Adams says in the book, but whenever he strays from numerical analysis into his own bizarre form of synthesis it sort of seems as though he's interpreting American society from the movies they make he complains are poisoning the Canadian youth. He often sounds less like a statistician and more like somebody's crotchety grandfather who wishes kids wouldn't play so many of those violent Nintendon games. Who knows, though, I haven't lived in Canada for 15 years, maybe it has turned into a multicultural heaven totally void of racial or economic strife of any form.

RATING: 38%

Bioshock

I know I'm late in heaping praise on this game, but Bioshock is an amazing game, everybody was right. I'm not really that much into first person shooters anymore, but the way this game seamlessly weaves a great story into the gameplay (that is, no cinematic sequences) makes it stand out from mindless army shooters like Halo. Without giving too much away about the plot (part of the allure of this game is getting the mystery to unravel as you collect diaries, read phrases written on the wall in blood etc), you play as a survivor of a plane crash who finds, in the middle of the ocean, an artificial island that is the entry point for a vast underwater city. The city, Rapture, is deserted except for many crazed deformed people who want to kill you and a man named Atlas who wants you to help him rescue his family from Andrew Ryan, the megalomaniac who created the city. Along the way you can also pick up "plasmids," which are basically mutant powers. The game is often terrifying but always engrossing, and I recommend you pick this one up.

RATING: 83%

Scheherazade by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov

Scheherazade is, of course, the name of the princess who tells the tales in Arabian Nights, and it is also unrelatedly the title of this symphonic suite by late 19th century Russian composer Rimsky-Korsakov. Nah, just kidding, he based it around the classic tale. It's not by definition a tone poem, since it doesn't follow a specific narrative, although he does give the dastardly sultan of the tale a theme that competes with the lilting theme for the princess. It's bombastic and exciting, but NRK moves it beyond mere showmanship by implementing key changes that pull a lot of emotion out of the affair. If you're a philistine, you can just tell yourself it's the newest score to National Treasure or something and you'll enjoy it, I swear.

RATING: 79%

Notorious

It's me again, reviewing from the cinematic graveyard. Except I was completely psyched to see this movie, even though I was pretty sure it was going to be crap. But if you go to see this movie expecting Oscar-caliber performances, that's a little naive (Angela Basset as Biggie's mom notwithstanding). Biggie's son plays 'ittle bespectacled Biggie, and there is enough B.I.G. music throughout to make any fan happy. My friend complained that too much of the movie was the actor rapping as Biggie, but he doesn't do a bad job. I feel like the movie wanted me to be on Team Faith Evans but that will never ever happen; I will always be on Lil' Kim's side because I would sure as hell be pissed if my man dumped me to marry a bleached-blonde he'd known for four weeks, and then continued to string me along for the rest of his life. Naturally, [maybe not co-producers] Faith Evans and Voletta Wallace are portrayed as saints, and the shooting(s) of Tupac are seen as just simply shocking to Biggue & his entourage. Do you remember where you were when you heard Biggie was shot? I was getting dropped off at Sunday school. If you remember too, you owe it to yourself to see this movie, if only later on Showtime or whatever. If not, you'll probably think it blows. Although it's always fun to see a movie featuring Brooklyn in an era when black people used to live there.

RATING: 56% (no better or worse than Bride Wars)

Fable II

Fable II is generally regarded as a pretty awesome video game, and as someone who likes pretty awesome video games, I was happy to make it my first purchase for my new XBox 360. What I didn't know: Fable II is like a cross between Diablo and The Sims, and certainly not as awesome as many people make it out to be. There are also a couple of truly, almost game-breakingly annoying things for me: (1) it substitutes plot for story, which I find just about unforgivable in an RPG (2) no one in the game appears to talk to you or really look you (you meaning your stupid emotionless avatar) in the face. If this happened in real life...oh wait it does happen in real life, but that's not the point.

Frankly, if I wanted to become a real estate maganate, slaughter innocent townspeople, and have bad aim during surprise encounters with curious beasts - well, I'd send away for one of those infomercial info-kits and start getting involved in adjustable rate mortgages. In Texas.

RATING: 45% (which means that its better than the jump-in-the-air-profile-photo, but MUCH worse than Fallout 3, which there's no review for, but trust me on this)

(P.S. - The gambling minigames are truly awesome, and I only wish a casino would be smart enough to institute a couple of them as a one-off deal. I'm looking at you, Snoqualmie!)

Drunken Negro Head cookies

If you've ever wanted to know what it takes to run your Greenwich Village bakery out of business in a hurry, here's the video for you. Apparently this gentleman, a true American patriot if there ever was one, is selling these fancy (word of the day) cookies to celebrate the inauguration, or racism, or something. Anyway, I have not tasted the cookies, but I have seen this video on every NYC based blog on the internets and on the evening news. So if you're in the area and want to try them you better act fast because the bakery is probably going to be hit by a maltov cocktail sometime in the next 48 hours. Video highlights to look for include when he is all, "yeah, drunken negro heads, was' the big deal?" and when he proclaims that he can't possibly be prejudice because his brother in law is Cuban. Brilliant.

Rating: nopointsforyou!%

Bonus tip for Village residents: Get your damn coffee from the Mud truck.

Mirrors

Did you ever wonder what would happen if Jack Bauer was a night watchman at a haunted house? Well I did not, but now I know because I watched this movie last night. See, Jack Bauer (I never actually figured out the character's name) is a down and out cop who was traumatized because of some sort of shooting incident and is not allowed to be a cop anymore (or something like that). He's also a recovering alcoholic and an insomniac (or so it would seem, the background story isn't exactly well developed). To make ends meet he takes this night watchman job at scary burned out department store place, and that's when scary things start to happen. And what's behind the scary? Mirrors. Of course, because everyone knows that mirrors are terrifying. What with their reflectiveness and ability to rip people's jaw right off their face and what not. So some freaky shit happens, Jack's friends and family start thinking he is crazy, he has to look for something called esseker, and well let's just say it ends with a fancy explosion, some fancy Jack Bauer gun action, and a fancy "surprise" ending. Despite the cheesy premise (mirrors, really?), there were some sort of scary moments and I wasn't entirely bored.

Rating: 66%