Monday, August 24, 2009

A Month of Boring Things - Day Nineteen: Orientation

I won't comment on the assholishness of bureaucracy or how much I hate Powerpoint or even what a farce the American health/life insurance realm proves to be when you actually pay attention (so I can pay .65 on every $100 to make sure my expenses are covered in the case of quote-unquote accidental death and/or dismemberment, and this policy will allow for my dismembered parts to be reattached prior to a funeral but only if I use a mortuary who accepts my HMO?). The truth is this: the worst aspect of academic orientations are the academics in the audience. Anytime you have more than three professors in the same room, a vicious game of penis-swords breaks out, and these awful little worms talk just to hear themselves talk. Look, guy: I don't care what she said about the ergonomically correct way to talk on the phone. Sure, she's full of shit and doesn't have a master's in a field nobody cares about, like you, but Jesus: I gotta smoke, and I want to get home and sit nude on my sofa and watch something ridiculously stupid on TV. I filled out my 44th I-9 form. Can I leave?


Rating: 1%
Slightly better thanThe Turner Diaries.

8 comments:

Viking Andrew said...

Oh, yeah. I forgot to link this story, which is a PDF file. So if your computer sucks as much as mine does, don't click.

laurie said...

That link don't work. And that Powerpoint slide makes me want to barf.

Viking Andrew said...

Well, here's a link to the story--complete with typ-os.

Internet Robyn said...

Penis-swords is my favourite game (well, after soccer and cranium)...but only if the quarrelers wear jackets with patches on the elbows and say hiney for every 7th word.

DCP said...

All of the people at my orientation just seemed so needy. They kept asking questions like they didn't realize that the fewer questions asked the earlier we could get out of there. Ugh. Also, this woman insisted many times that my non-numeric username wasn't working because I didn't have numlock on.

Internet John said...

I hate orientation too. Academics like to hear themselves talk, and students text on their cell phones and then ask questions that are completely fucking obvious to everyone who was listening. Also, Chinese people can't fucking speak English.

BTW, that's the most boring R3 image since Loco put up a picture of that horrible government website. Titillate or disgust me, please.

Viking Andrew said...

I wanted you to feel pain.

Sounds like I.J. started his term at his institution of higher learning today?

I.J. said...

I started my term last Thursday, but had been going to various meetings and orientations since that Monday. I did quit smoking this week, though.