Tired of listening to ad hominems directed toward Arabs? Tired of watching students text while you try desperately to get them to like poetry? Here's your salvation: teach 'issues.' Issues are great because they let students sound off on the most asinine of subjects, topics that are not necessarily relevant and anecdotes that meander, end abruptly and have little to no merit. So next time you find yourself in a funk, ask one simple question: Where were you and how did you feel when you heard/saw/knew of _________ (9/11, Columbine, Social Networking Sites, a suicide at your high school, a friend with a drug and/or alcohol problem)? All you have to do next is sit back and nod and look sympathetic and point when students raise their hands. Reminder: When students eventually fall back into ad hominems directed toward Arabs, a good segue back to the Aristotlean Triangle will help you feel like you actually did your job.