Thursday, November 26, 2009

Tenacious D And The Pick Of Destiny

Approximately as stupid as I expected, which, consequentially, was as stupid as I was looking for.

RATING: 66%
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7 comments:

I.J. said...

Such muscular adverbs.

November 26, 2009 at 1:05 PM
Belabras said...

Dumb doesn't do it justice.

November 26, 2009 at 10:43 PM
Timmaaay!!! said...

I changed the way I pronounce the word "badass" because of that movie.

November 27, 2009 at 11:47 AM
Walter Benjamin and the Mechanical Reproductions (the band) said...

so this is like chapter 7 or so:

The chains wrapping Glenn Shaheen's legs and hands jingled like Worf's baldric as he was led through down the aisle of the courtroom. He adjusted his Hannibal Lecter mask with his shoulder. As he passed the court reporters and courtroom audience, they whispered furiously behind him but the only word he could make out was "Monster!"

"Order," called Judge Thirtyeightspecial from his bench. "Order." He pounded his gavel and it rang through the room like a backfiring AMC Gremlin.

When the room was finally silent, Judge Thirtyeightspecial asked, "Glenn Shaheen, how do you plead to the charges listed before you."

The double-doors in the back of the courtroom opened and a voice called, "Not guilty!"

It was Laurie! She had washed her hair and she was dressed in her best lawyering clothes. She looked vaguely like a stewardess (in a good way).

"Young lady, I don't know how they do things in Jew York," the jury giggled, "but here in Texas, we show up on time for court."

"Yes sir, I understand sir," she said. Then she whispered to Glenn, "I met a guy," and pointed to the back of the room. A smiling hayseed farmer in overalls was waving at her. He spat in a Double Gulp cup. Laurie blew him a kiss.

"I assume you are familiar with the charges," said Judge Thirtyeightspecial.

"Yes, sir," said Laurie. "Five misdemeanor counts of criminal swarthiness, three felony counts of espousing Darwinism to impressionable minors, four traffic violations (driving on the wrong side of the road like in Canada (probably)), and one count of publishing indecent materials on the internet (R3). We'd like to plead not guilty to all charges."

"Young lady, you have moxy. Please begin."

"Yes, sir. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury--" she looked at them and noticed that they were all white men and they all looked exactly like Ned Beatty in a wife-beater. "Um... Gentlemen of the jury. Let me first say what an honor it is for me as a lawyer to be in the county which leads the nation in prosecutions for necrophilia. The measures you've taken here are a shining beacon to the rest of the nation and--NOW!"

Suddenly, loco rappelled through the window holding Ophelia and Xerxes. She threw a cat at each bailiff and katanaed through Glenn's chains.

"Get the Eff out of here," she yelled at him.

"But, but..." Glenn started.

"I told you to get the Eff out of here!"

"But," said Glenn, "they feed me in here."

November 29, 2009 at 10:48 AM
DCP said...

So after I'm busted loose from a trial I'm free to go to the airport and meet the prime minister? Can I have the movie rights to this story?

November 29, 2009 at 11:03 AM
Walter Benjamin and the Mechanical Reproductions (the band) said...

yeah these are just exerpts i have it all maped out in myhead

November 29, 2009 at 11:20 AM
I.J. said...

Wow.

November 29, 2009 at 2:15 PM

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