Saturday, December 25, 2021
Black Christmas
Friday, December 24, 2021
White Christmas
Thursday, December 23, 2021
Christmas Story
Wednesday, December 22, 2021
The Little Drummer Boy, Book II
Tuesday, December 21, 2021
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Urkel
Monday, December 20, 2021
Frosty Returns
Sunday, December 19, 2021
It's a Wonderful Leaf
Saturday, December 18, 2021
Alpha's Magical Christmas
Friday, December 17, 2021
Silent Night
Thursday, December 16, 2021
Guess Who's Coming to Christmas
Wednesday, December 15, 2021
Dear Santa Claus, Go Fuck Yourself
Tuesday, December 14, 2021
The Night of the Meek
Sunday, November 7, 2021
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
Saturday, November 6, 2021
The Incredible Shrinking Man
Sunday, October 31, 2021
House on Haunted Hill
Friday, October 29, 2021
StageFright
Thursday, October 28, 2021
Channel Zero - No End House
Some college kids visit a traveling haunted house where apparently each room is scarier than the last and if you go past like room eight nobody ever sees you again! That's basically the creepypasta there, but you need more for six episodes so there's some good stuff about grief and some monsters who eat pomegranate memories.
RATING: 88%
Wednesday, October 27, 2021
Revenge of the Creature
Tuesday, October 26, 2021
The Langoliers
A buncha disparate strangers including, you guessed it, an author wake up in the middle of their cross country flight to find that most of the passengers and crew and people of Earth have vanished. Luckily one of them is a deadheading pilot so he decides to set the plane down in, you guessed it, Bangor Maine to figure stuff out. Turns out they're out of sync with time and are about to be eaten by these little Pac Men creatures who clean up the past. I remember watching this as a kid and busting out laughing at how bad the CG was for the titular monsters was but figured maybe I'd be cooler with it now since even a lot of what I considered "good" CG in the 90s looks ridiculous in 2021 but no, this is still incredibly laughable.
RATING: 31%
Monday, October 25, 2021
Killdozer
Sunday, October 24, 2021
DOOM Eternal
I'm not sure if I can call this game (or any Doom really) a horror game. Sure, the plot is about Hell demons taking over Earth and you're tearing zombies apart with your bare hands, but it feels more like the video game personification of a metal album. Still extremely fun even if there's one super frustrating boss.
RATING: 73%
Saturday, October 23, 2021
Terror Train
Friday, October 22, 2021
The Haunting of Hill House
Another spooky horror show is this ghosty adaptation of Shirley Jackson's classic book. It's got some sad parts and some scary parts and some long single shot parts where everybody better know all their dang lines. Come for the scares, stay for the feels, and also stay for the hidden ghosts.
RATING: 88%
Thursday, October 21, 2021
Jaws: The Revenge
Wednesday, October 20, 2021
Dolores Claiborne
A fancy New York City writer has to return home to, you guessed it, rural Maine whenever her mother is accused of murder. Well, no biggie, I'm sure everybody's parents have been accused of murder at least once, except this is the (gasp) second time she's been accused of murder, ulp! The first was when her mother was accused but never charged of killing her abusive husband when the fancy writer was just a little girl. This is one a those non-horror Stephen King movies and it's pretty good thanks to Kathy Bates, though the overwrought Danny Elfman score almost ruins it.
RATING: 77%
Tuesday, October 19, 2021
Cat People
Monday, October 18, 2021
Layers of Fear 2
The first Layers of Fear was a terrifying blast, so of course I leapt at the chance to get the sequel (when it was on sale for five bucks cuz I'm a video game cheapskate). It's more of the same sorta surreal goofin I loved from the first one, but it's nowhere near as scary. I dunno if that's because I played this one on XBox and the first one on PC (something about slouching in front of a small screen vs relaxing in front of the big TV), or maybe it's just not as good. But hey, it's got Tony Todd!
RATING: 61%
Sunday, October 17, 2021
Spookies
Saturday, October 16, 2021
Channel Zero - Candle Cove
The premise of this show is that each season is based off of some old creepypasta. Sounds terrible, but this show is amazing. The first season centers around a creepypasta I remember from the early or mid 2000s about a mysterious kid show broadcast that maybe or maybe not was real, and also a monster made of teeth. Adding to the whole eerie atmosphere is the fact that they shoot the show in Manitoba which is like some weird simulacrum of western society.
RATING: 83%
Friday, October 15, 2021
The Revenge of Frankenstein
Thursday, October 14, 2021
The Mangler
An industrial laundry press starts getting an appetite for low wage workers, but inspectors can't shut it down because the boss of the laundry factory (Robert Englund) is loaded. I mean loaded with money not booze. Luckily local detective Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs is on the case, with his spooky brother in law as a sidekick. When I was a kid watching this I always thought when the machine gets up and chases the characters near the end the CGI was really hokey, but now that it's a quarter century old I can forgive it I guess. The rest of the movie isn't that interesting even though it's directed by Tobe Hooper, though where else are you gonna see a showdown with a laundry press? Well, except for this movie's sequels I mean.
RATING: 54%
Wednesday, October 13, 2021
The Premature Burial
Tuesday, October 12, 2021
Resident Evil VII: Biohazard
RATING: 74%
Monday, October 11, 2021
Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare
Sunday, October 10, 2021
The Shawshank Redemption
In this, everybody who doesn't like horror movies' favorite Stephen King movie, a dude goes to jail for a crime he didn't commit and learns a thing or two about life and love and friendship and whatnot. How come if every single person in the whole country knows prisons are cruel places we never really get any sort of prison reform off the ground? Morgan Freeman obviously steals the show in this one but everyone's great. And sorry this isn't a "horror movie" but it would be horrorble to be sentenced to life in prison for a crime you didn't commit.
RATING: 89%
Saturday, October 9, 2021
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
Friday, October 8, 2021
Carrie (The Book)
I figured after watching three adaptations of this, Stephen King's first novel, I oughtta maybe give it a read. You all know the deal - a high school girl who is bullied winds up gearing telekinetic powers and kills everyone RIP. Maybe what you didn't know is in the book she kills like everyone everyone. The whole town of 500 people wind up dead! Also the book is half epistolary which is kinda cool.
RATING: 71%
Thursday, October 7, 2021
Critters 4
Wednesday, October 6, 2021
Layers of Fear
For the past decade or whatever I've mainly been chiming in here to review a movie or 15 at Halloween season. Well there's other scary things out there too like for example video games. In this one you play a maybe alcoholic composer who's going craaaaaaazy. It's one a those walking simulator type video games where you don't really have much to do, but it's real spooky and surreal so give it a shot why not?
RATING: 81%
Tuesday, October 5, 2021
Prom Night III: The Last Kiss
Monday, October 4, 2021
The Stand
RATING: 78%
Sunday, October 3, 2021
Leprechaun 2
Friday, October 1, 2021
Tremors
Sunday, September 12, 2021
The Android Invasion
Rating: I feel disorientated%
Sunday, August 22, 2021
Pyramids of Mars
Sunday, July 25, 2021
Planet of Evil
Wednesday, July 21, 2021
Piranha
Sunday, June 27, 2021
Terror of the Zygons
Sunday, May 30, 2021
Revenge of the Cybermen
Friday, May 7, 2021
Needful Things
A New England town actually has a lot of real bad people in it (in a Stephen King story? Nooooo!) so a Max Von Sydow demon shows up to give them little treasures in exchange for them all pranking each other into a murderous rage. It's pretty bland in general, but it has an amazing building explosion from back when they'd actually for real blow up a whole dang building for a B movie.
RATING: 56%