Merry Christmas, Mr. Bean

If you didn't experience it first hand, it might be difficult to explain the whole Mr. Bean phenomenon of the early 90s. "Well, he's this British guy and he doesn't really talk much. And he's always getting into these awkward situations. And, well, that's about it really. But it's really funny. Trust me." Watching it today, it's almost a mixture of Charlie Chaplin and Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, but in a good way. I can honestly remember watching "Merry Christmas, Mr. Bean" for the first time over twenty years ago and laughing my ass off during the Nativity scene sequence. And, even though I knew it was coming, I laughed pretty hard at that sequence again on this most recent rewatch. Also, it's worth remembering that before Friends or any other sitcoms stole it, the whole turkey on the head thing started here.

Rating: Socks%

(Image from Pinterest)

The Leprechaun's Christmas Gold

Oh Rankin/Bass, God bless your nonsensical ways. There's a method to your madness that I will never understand and I'm perfectly alright with that. Everyone knows Rankin/Bass' perennial classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, but few people have probably put in much time with the rest of their catalogue. Just beyond Rudolph and Frosty there's a whole pantheon of blind orphans, cossacks, psychedelic donkeys and (apparently) leprechauns. I would summarize the plot of The Leprechaun's Christmas Gold, but it would surely sound like the ravings of a syphilitic lunatic. I'll just say that it involves a shipwrecked cabin boy, some leprechauns and a gold hungry banshee. It's a whole heap of nonsense. It should be noted, though, that the stop motion animation in this special looks amazing, easily the best I've seen from Rankin/Bass so far.

Rating: Shoes%

(Image from MC 'Toon Reviews)

A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa

A Muppet Family Christmas remains the gold standard of Christmas specials as far as I'm concerned. I still watch it every year. I am, however, always willing to make room in my heart for more Muppety goodness. It was in that spirit that I watched A Muppet Christmas: Letters to Santa, a Christmas special from 2008. While I enjoyed the special, it did not dethrone A Muppet Family Christmas from its place on high. If I had to criticize something about this more recent special, I would have to say that (much like some of the Muppet films) it leaned a little too hard on some of the human guest stars. Nobody watches the Muppets to see human celebrities. That said some of said humans totally crushed it. Nathan Lane, Jesse L. Martin and Whoopi Goldberg all did great work. Former NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg, not so much. So, while Letters to Santa won't be getting a yearly slot in my Christmas special lineup, it has earned a spot on the alternates bench.

Rating: Fish%

(Image from Muppet Central)

When S.A.V.A.G.E. Stole Santa

For some reason, in 1986, they made a cartoon based on Rambo. It was, apparently, the first children's cartoon to be based on a series of R-rated films. I have to assume that it was also one of the only children's cartoons to be based on a series of R-rated films. They made 65 episodes. It was a nutty show. It featured a lot of A-Team style action, with tons of shit getting blown up and people constantly shooting guns, though no one ever got hurt or killed. Jack Kirby, the king of comics, is listed as a creative consultant on the show. It also featured a decent voice cast, including Frank Welker, James Avery, Peter Cullen and Alan Oppenheimer. The Christmas episode, "When S.A.V.A.G.E. Stole Santa," finds Rambo and his trusty sidekick Turbo in Colorado. They're there to visit Rambo's friend Kris, a former rocket scientist who's given up the weapons game to make toys for orphans. Unfortunately for Kris, General Warhawk and the forces of S.A.V.A.G.E. have other plans for him. It's up to Rambo and one plucky orphan to rescue Kris and save Christmas.

Rating: A quiver of exploding arrows%

(Image from A Cartoon Christmas)

Santa Witch

For me, it’s not Christmas without at least little stop motion animation. And I unapologetically love Gumby. I was surprised to find out, however, that Gumby doesn’t appear in the short “Santa Witch.” It’s a full-on solo Pokey affair. I’d say it was weird, but I don’t think there really is any kind of base level normalcy in the Gumby canon. In “Santa Witch” Pokey is excited to meet Santa, but before he gets the opportunity Santa is carted off in a dog sled ambulance. With Santa too sick to perform his holiday duties, Pokey calls up a friendly witch to pick up the slack. Pokey and Cybill the seal tag along for the ride and the short ends with some children getting the shit scared out them when they catch a glimpse of the Santa Witch.

Rating: A Santa mask%

(Image from Ebay)

Last Christmas!

Disney rebooted DuckTales last year and from what I gather they've been doing a good job of modernizing the show for today's young audience while simultaneously paying tribute to all things related to Disney's stable of ducks. That's certainly the impression I got after watching the recent episode "Last Christmas!" It was essentially an indirect sequel to Mickey's Christmas Carol. They've changed the designs of the three spirits, but they're clearly making a callback to that classic special. One of the ghosts even says that they first met Scrooge McDuck when they were on their way to meet up with a different Scrooge. I'll skip over the plot of the episode, as it's just another riff on the classic Christmas Carol story, but I'd be remiss not to make mention of the stellar voice cast on the show. Scrooge himself is now voiced by former Time Lord David Tennant. He even makes a joke about time travelers. Bless me bagpipes!

Rating: Wendigo traps%

(Image from DuckTales Wiki)

A Scooby-Doo! Christmas

Scooby-Doo and the gang find themselves in Winter Hollow just before Christmas. The townsfolk aren't celebrating on account of a headless snowman who's being attacking them and destroying their homes. Who could be behind all this anti-Christmas chicanery? Could it be the sheriff, who always seems to arrive on the scene moments after the headless snowman attacks? Or what about the proprietor of the town's Inn? He certainly seems to be profiting off all the mayhem. Could it be the ghost of some long dead highwayman? Or maybe some other character who only shows up halfway through the special? No matter who's behind it, Scooby and the gang are all over this Merry Mystery.

Rating: A comically large sandwich%

(Image from Logopedia)

Marvel Super Hero Adventures: Frost Fight!

Loki's thirst for power sends him on a quest to steal the magical abilities of Jolnir, a figure of legend also known as Santa Claus. Can a handful of Earth's mightiest defenders stop Loki in time and save Santa before Christmas is ruined? You can probably guess. Frost Fight! is definitely aimed at younger viewers with all its bloodless violence and the inclusion of a younger hero-in-training, Reptil, accompanying our marquee heroes on their quest. Most of the heroes are based on their MCU versions, though they make Hulk chattier and they throw in a Carol Danvers Captain Marvel to prevent it from being a total sausage fest. I wouldn't call this special a hidden gem or anything, but if you wanted Rocket Raccoon to sound more like Brad Dourif then you are in luck.

Rating: Gingerbread men%

(Image from IMDB)

The Christmas Invasion

During the classic run of Doctor Who there was really only one instance of the show acknowledging Christmas, and the canonical status of that episode has been heatedly debated ever since. In the middle of the now mostly lost serial The Daleks' Master Plan was an episode called "The Feast of Steven." That particular episode was a complete diversion from the main story, to the point where it wasn't even sold to foreign distributors along with the rest of the serial and thus will likely never be recovered. It aired on Christmas Day in 1965 and at the end of the episode William Hartnell, the First Doctor, turned to the camera and wished everyone at home a Merry Christmas. No one knows for sure if this was part of the script or if Hartnell was merely ad libbing, as it was apparently common practice for BBC shows airing on Christmas Day to directly address the audience. This breaking of the fourth wall has been a thorn in the side of fans who feel the need to understand and justify the show's various disruptions in continuity.

All of this is just a long winded way of saying that when the show was revived in 2005, the idea of a special Christmas episode probably wasn't something anyone was expecting. The revived show initially starred Christoper Eccleston as the Ninth Doctor, though it wasn't very long into his run when it was announced that David Tennant would be taking over the role. The Christmas Invasion was Tennant's first adventure as the Doctor, even though (much like Jon Pertwee) he spent most of that first adventure in bed. The Tenth Doctor, who would go on to become probably the most popular Doctor of the revival series, got a great introduction in this special. He comes off as a real goofball with a deadly serious side. In the end, he chooses to spend Christmas Day with Rose and her family but only after he defeats the leader of an alien invasion in a sword fight and then topples the British government. 

Rating: Not bad for a man in his jim jams%

(Image from Youtube)

Better Watch Out

Better Watch Out is basically Home Alone as wish fulfillment. There's also a bit of Scream in there and, even though I've never seen it, maybe a little bit of Funny Games as well. I'm probably inclined to compare it to other movies because there really isn't anything new or original in it. I'm also not sure if the filmmakers thought they were making a statement about mental illness. I'm not sure what they were thinking or which characters they wanted the audience to root for. Because other than one shot in the last sequence, they seem to be on the side of a homicidal sociopath.

Rating: 51%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Benji's Very Own Christmas Story

I can remember liking Benji as a kid, but I'm not too sure what the attraction was. He can't talk. He doesn't have superpowers. I think he went scuba diving once. Aside from that, I'm at a loss. So, it was with that curiosity that I decided to watch Benji's Very Own Christmas Story. And now, I'm only left with more questions. Benji hardly does anything in the special. Most of the time we're following a creepy Kris Kringle and the helium voiced little people in his employ. They're not all little people though, they mix in quite a few children as well. All of whom are wearing ugly prosthetic ears, noses and mustaches, regardless of gender. Oh, and let's not forget about the culturally insensitive costumes and the children in blackface. So, in the end, no new insights into the Benji phenomenon were gleaned from watching this special.

Rating: A squeaky chew toy%

(Image from Ebay)

Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!

When I read the summary for Silent Night, Deadly Night 3, I had to ask myself, "wait, didn't Ricky die at the end of Part 2?" And the answer is, sorta. Ricky's reign of terror in Part 2 ended with him getting shot by the police. But just before the movie went to credits we got a shot of Ricky opening his eyes and smiling, followed by an unmatched shot of a knife being thrust at the camera. So, he lived, sorta. It would seem that Ricky's life was saved by some enterprising doctors who wanted to play God. This involved just barely bringing him back to life and chopping the top of his head off so his brain could be seen through a plastic bubble. Sounds like modern medicine run amok, yes? Well, what if I told you that he's brought back to life by a blind girl with ESP? It doesn't sounds so crazy now does it? No, I didn't think so.

Rating: 34%

(Image from Wikipedia)