Batman & Robin

When Batman Forever came out in 1995, I was all in. I saw it in the theatre twice, I had the poster on my wall, I had the soundtrack, I wore Batman Forever branded gear from head to toe, and I even had one of those promotional mugs from McDonalds. And yet, by the time Batman & Robin came out in 1997, I couldn't have cared less. I didn't see it in the theatre, I didn't get the soundtrack, I couldn't give a shit about the movie. I cared so little about Batman & Robin that I realized, while I was watching it earlier this week, that I had never actually watched the movie from beginning to end before. I wish I could tell you that it's not as bad as people would have you believe, but they've pretty well got it right. Much like how Batman Returns really amped up the Tim Burton-ness of it all, Batman & Robin is swimming in Schumacher. There's more neon, more cartoony sound effects and more allusions to the 1966 TV series. Not even well thought out allusions either, they have Commissioner Gordon dressed up like he's Chief O'Hara for some reason. So, long story short, if you've never seen Batman & Robin before, don't. Or, if you have seen it and you're considering revisiting it, don't.

Rating: 50%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Fun Fact: When we first see Mr. Freeze in his lair, he's forcing his henchmen to watch the Rankin/Bass classic The Year Without a Santa Claus.

The Sun Makers

The TARDIS touches down on Pluto. Expecting only a barren planet, the Doctor is surprised to find that Pluto has been thoroughly terraformed and industrialized. The Doctor and his friends soon discover that most of the people on Pluto are living under the oppressive thumb of "the company." With only a small group of rebels living in the tunnels under the cities. Our heroes join up with the underground and launch a rebellion against "the company," so that everyone might have the chance to breathe freely under Pluto's six artificial suns. The Sun Makers is a good serial marred by low production value. Some of the sets look very unique and elaborate while others look incredibly bland and unfinished. And they're all poorly lit. I liked the script and the characters and some of the production design but this has to be one of the cheapest looking Doctor Who serials I've ever seen.

Rating: I always whisper when I'm opening safes%

Bloodsport

US Army Captain Frank Dux is traveling to Hong Kong to compete in an underground fighting tournament known as the Kumite. When he gets back to the States, he'll either be in handcuffs or a coffin. Bloodsport starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. Coming soon to a TV near you.

Bloodsport, JCVD's first starring role, is a lot of fun. If you can get past some of the weaker acting and the formulaic plot, there's lots to enjoy. The supporting cast includes Donald Gibb (aka Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds), Bolo Yeung and Forest Whitaker. That's right, Academy Award winner Forest Whitaker is in this movie. The fighting is well done across the board, but my favorite part of the movie might be the montages. There are so many montages. There's a montage at the beginning of the movie, introducing the audience to some of the various fighters we'll see later competing at the tournament. There's an extended flashback/origin story montage for Frank Dux, showing us how he came to learn martial arts and his reasons for entering the Kumite. There are also competition montages, chase montages and there's even a sad bus ride montage. And, in case you were wondering, JCVD does the splits in this movie not once, not twice, not thrice, but seven freakin' times.

Rating: 75%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Better Off Dead

Lane Myer, played by John Cusack, gets dumped by his girlfriend, sending him into a suicidal depression. And the laughs just keep coming. No, seriously. Better Off Dead is Savage Steve Holland's debut feature film. A sort of surreal "Mad Magazine Guide to Teenage Depression." Much like his second film, One Crazy Summer, Better Off Dead is filled with cartoony visual gags and wacky character actors. It's a bit of a shaggy dog story, with several vignettes that don't really advance the plot. But that's part of the movie's charm. If nothing else, you need to know that this movie features a sequence where a stop motion animated hamburger rocks out to a Van Halen track. Because if that doesn't pique your interest, nothing will.

Rating: 77%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Fun Fact: Amanda Wyss, who played Lane's ex-girlfriend Beth, also played Tina in the original A Nightmare on Elm Street.