Enterprise S3E16 - "Doctor's Orders"

Phlox has to put the humans to sleep for four days and a bunch of spooky stuff happens when he and T'Pol are alone. Or are they???

RATING: 81%

Enterprise S3E15 - "Harbinger"

T'Pol and Trip finally do it, Reed and that one special forces dude basically do it (sweaty fighting but I know what they really felt!) and there's an alien in a space coffin which tbh was the most boring part of the episode.

RATING: 55%

Enterprise S3E14 - "Stratagem"

Archer plays some mind games with a Xindi scientist with the help of his crew's expert special effects knowledge. Guess that's standard training in the future? Also, pretty sure that alien is secretly Neil Young.

RATING: 66%

Enterprise S3E13 - "Proving Ground"

Shran shows up with some other Andorians to continue his flirtation with Archer.

RATING: 56%

Enterprise S3E12 - "Chosen Realm"

Some space religious nuts want to take over Enterprise for their holy war, which is probably supposed to be a xenophobic metaphor for radical Islam but I feel works well for radical Christianity, too.

RATING: 72%

Enterprise S3E11 - "Carpenter Street"

Archer and T'Pol travel back to 2004 era Detroit to stop a Xindi time travel plot. So everybody's just got super easy time travel I guess, cool.

RATING: 62%

Enterprise S3E10 - "Similitude"

When Trip gets KO'd by a splosion they decide to create a sentient clone to steal its brain to save him. Cool, sounds legit.

RATING: 46%

Enterprise S3E9 - "North Star"

" They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world!"

RATING: 68%

Enterprise S3E8 - "Twilight"

This is one of those "what if" episodes where everybody dies (including earth) but we never believe any of it will stick for a second.

RATING: 69%

Enterprise S3E7 - "The Shipment"

Archer finally finds a Xindi who isn't a ridiculous moustache twirling villain.

RATING: 48%

Enterprise S3E6 - "Exile"

A psychic alien Phantom-of-the-Operas Hoshi as Enterprise continues its search for that Death Star they've been looking for.

RATING: 53%

Enterprise S3E5 - "Impulse"

Still in the space Bermuda Triangle, the Enterprise finds a Vulcan ship adrift in an asteroid belt, a promising premise that quickly devolves into a zombie episode.

RATING: 40%

Enterprise S3E4 - "Rajiin"

The crew, still on their mission of vengeance, rescues a slave who seduces everybody on board because she's a spy. The show is essentially, for season 3, 24 in space. I did really like the music for this episode, though, which had a spooky Original Series vibe.

RATING: 31%

Enterprise S3E3 - "Extinction"

Archer, Reed, and Sato get turned into aliens by a disease. No.

RATING: 16%

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - "Field Trip, Pickpocket, Program 359"

Malibu DS9 Issue 6

"Field Trip"

On a field trip to the Gamma Quadrant everybody gets lost but then they quickly get found. Probably not a great idea to tell a full comic story in five pages.

RATING: 21%

"Pickpocket"

Bashir decides to investigate a petty thief stealing from Quark's customers. Don't you have patients, buddy??

RATING: 44%

"Program 359"

Bashir and Dax invade Sisko's privacy by playing a simulation he made of the day his wife died. Some friends!

RATING: 52%

(Where to place: Between Emissary and Past Prologue.)

Enterprise S3E2 - "Anomaly"

Archer and friends learn that torture is totally fine as they continue their search for some terrorists who suicide bombed earth, brought to you by Bush/Cheney '04.

RATING: 17%

Enterprise S3E1 - "The Xindi"

Continuing their mission of vengeance (this maybe is Enterprise's mirror universe episode I've heard about) the ship flies through the Bermuda Triangle of space to find the titular Xindi, an alien society that consists of a bunch of different alien types like a space bug and a space dolphin.

RATING: 66%

Enterprise S2E26 - "The Expanse"

Florida gets cut in half in a Xindi attack (who?) so Enterprise must track them down and kill. KILL! Brought to you by... Star Trek I guess.

RATING: 42%

Enterprise S2E25 - "Bounty"

Archer tries to have a heart-to-heart with a bounty hunter who has kidnapped him, and also T'Pol puts a bunch of unwanted advances on Phlox.

RATING: 59%

Star Trek - "The Crier In Emptiness"

Peter Pan Records

This comic/record set was written for young children learning to read and it was still better than most of the Gold Key comics. Except that Uhura is colored as a blonde white lady and Sulu is colored as a black man???

RATING: 52%

(Where to place: During the third season, between Spock's Brain and For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky.)

Enterprise S2E24 - "First Flight"

An old friend of Archer's dies so he mopes about in the shuttle and tells T'Pol about the good old days.

RATING: 50%

Enterprise S2E23 - "Regeneration"

Why would you create a new show if you're just gonna reuse old plots like the Borg?

RATING: 1%

Enterprise S2E22 - "Cogenitor"

In attempt to be progressive about gender, the show fails because a) the whole crew is set in the notion of gender binaries and b) Trip gets flummoxed when trying to figure out gender neutral pronouns. Earth hasn't figured that out in 150 years?!

RATING: 60%

Enterprise S2E21 - "The Breach"

Trip, Mayweather, and Reed have to go spelunking to save some scientists from jail, and also Phlox meets a patient who is a racist.

RATING: 61%

Enterprise S2E20 - "Horizon"

Mayweather pays a visit to his family on the freighter Horizon, where he was raised, but his brother resents him for leaving. I hope as the show progresses that Hoshi and Travis get more episodes devoted to them.

RATING: 62%

Enterprise S2E19 - "Judgment"

Everybody complains about Enterprise rewriting Trek canon but here they do a good job undoing the TNG trend of making Klingons all ridiculous idiots.

RATING: 66%

Enterprise S2E18 - "The Crossing"

Some energy beings want to take over the crew's bodies in what feels kinda like a TOS episode because it is a ripoff of a TOS episode.

RATING: 36%

Enterprise S2E17 - "Canamar"

Trip and the captain are accidentally arrested and... wait didn't this happen last season???

RATING: 21%

Enterprise S2E16 - "Future Tense"

Enterprise S2E16 - "Future Tense"

The crew finds a ship that's bigger on the inside than on the outside. No it's not the Tardis, it's some ship from the future.

RATING: 52%

Enterprise S2E15 - "Cease Fire"

Archer is called to negotiate a treat between the Vulcans and Andorians but everybody acts all cagey. Nobody said it'd be easy!

RATING: 47%

Enterprise S2E14 - "Stigma"

A pretty decent parable about the culture of rape-shaming in which T'Pol is criticized by Vulcans for having picked up a disease when she was forcibly mind-melded. Also some good polyamory going on when one of Phlox's wives tries to seduce Trip and Phlox is like "Dude, go for it." Almost makes up for Trek having zero queer main characters ever (actually, no it doesn't).

RATING: 63%

Enterprise S2E13 - "Dawn"

Trip and an angry alien are trapped on a planet and must learn to survive in what is essentially a terrible version of "Darmok."

RATING: 30%

Star Trek: Countdown

A supernova is going to destroy the galaxy (huh?) so Spock teams up with his new pal Nero to save the day.

RATING: 35%

(Where to place: As of now this is the latest-set Star Trek work [excluding online] so seven years post Nemesis.)

Enterprise S2E12 - "The Catwalk"

A poison space storm is coming so the crew must camp in the nacelles for a week. Seems fun til some hijackers come along!

RATING: 39%

Enterprise S2E11 - "Precious Cargo"

Trip ends up co-hostage with an arrogant space-princess so yes of course they make out and yes of course Trip is in his underwear again.

RATING: 41%

Enterprise S2E10 - "Vanishing Point"

Sato starts vanishing after using the transporter in a pretty spooky episode until the "it was all a dream" twist. I like Sato because she is maybe the only person in all of Star Trek who seems like they could be an actual friend of mine (her and Barclay).

RATING: 66%

Enterprise S2E9 - "Singularity"

This is one of those Trek episodes where radiation or space bugs makes everybody act wildly out of character which is fun I guess.

RATING: 58%

Enterprise S2E8 - "The Communicator"

On a routine sneaky mission to observe a pre-warp society Reed accidentally leaves his communicator behind so they have to go back and get it. Wanna bet the retrieval operation doesn't go so smoothly?

RATING: 57%

Enterprise S2E7 - "The Seventh"

An episode where Enterprise toys with the political didactic I love in Trek, T'Pol hunts down a Vulcan who became a smuggler. He claims to be innocent and it seems like the show is criticizing America's then obsession with extralegal capturing of terrorism suspects but the dude turns out to be guilty so I guess it's actually praising those actions. Booooo.


RATING: 27%

Enterprise S2E6 - "Marauders"

A small mining colony is being bullied by some Klingon pirates so the Enterprise teaches them to fight back Swiss Family Robinson style.

RATING: 48%

Enterprise S2E5 - "A Night In Sickbay"

Archer's dog gets sick (shoulda left him at home, pal!) so the captain mopes around sickbay all episode. Two thoughts: a) this crew spends a lotta time in their underwear and 2) sickbay is a pretty bad term when you think about it. What if we called hospitals "sickhouses" or cemeteries "corpseholes?"

RATING: 26%

Enterprise S2E4 - "Dead Stop"

The ship is still all busted from last episode so when they find a space station to automatically repair them for cheap and that gives them free booze/catfish, it almost seems to good to be true, like that one fairytale with the witch house made of candy.

RATING: 63%