Wow it's Depressing Will Smith Movie Day and here I am with nothing to wear for the occasion. The theater by my parents' house had a broken computer system on Christmas, so they were writing out paper tickets and we had no way of telling what started when, and what was sold out. When it was our turn to buy tickets, my cousin was so frazzled that she just picked this movie, and her friend and I did nothing to stop her. That was a mistake for which I will suffer the rest of my life. This movie was SO BAD that I feel no remorse for disclosing the entire plot on R3. I had no idea what this movie was about from the (crappy) trailers I'd seen, and about an hour into the movie, I still had no clue what it was about. Finally, through jokes and over the snores of the couple sleeping in the row behind us, we figured out that Will Smith, to make up for a naughty thing he did that caused people to die, was going to donate all his vital organs to peoples. Even his eyes and his heart! But in order to donate those, you have to be dead! And also he wants to make sure that the people that get his pretty organs are very good people, so he lies about his indentity and stalks them in an awkward manner and makes them sad over the phone like when he yells at blind Woody Harrelson on a customer complaint line. He stalks Rosario Dawson which is not cool because she has heart problems and he could give her a heart attack and she could die, but instead he has sex with her and then kills himself by dumping a live jellyfish into his icy bathwater and Roasario gets his raw, icky heart. And Woody gets his eyes and at the end he meets Rosario and they look into each others' eyes (or rather, Rosario looks into dead Will Smith's eyes in Woody's head) and the tears flow. Not mine though, because I was busy puking. My cousin did cry, because she was so sorry she made us see it. But one day I think I will forgive her. After all, Christmas is all about forgiveness (or is that Yom Kippur?).RATING: 7% (the movie practically rates itself)
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