Elf

Buddy, an orphan raised by Santa’s elves, travels to New York City to meet his biological father. Elf can be somewhat of a polarizing movie, you either love it or you hate it. And, typically, it boils down to whether or not you can tolerate Will Ferrell at his most manic. I love the movie. I think it’s a modern-day Christmas classic. From the homages to Rankin/Bass’s Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer to the incredible supporting cast, which includes Ed Asner, Bob Newhart, Mary Steenburgen and Peter Dinklage. It’s a charming movie that can be enjoyed by anyone from age eight to eighty.

Rating: Twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, FIVE GOLDEN RINGS, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree%

Secret Santa Rating: 80%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Pluto's Christmas Tree

Mickey cuts down a Christmas tree and brings it home without realizing that Chip ‘n’ Dale are in it. Hey, these things happen. When Pluto spots the chipmunks, mayhem ensues. It’s basically the same plot as Toy Tinkers, but Pluto comes off way less maniacal than Donald Duck ever did. If you watch this short on Disney+, the colors really pop. It looks great in hi-def.

Rating: Eleven pipers piping, ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, FIVE GOLDEN RINGS, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Comfort and Joy

After a successful mission, the Justice League part ways for a well-deserved Christmas break. Green Lantern introduces Hawkgirl to snowball fights and she returns the favor by taking him to the Omega Quadrant for a good old fashioned barroom brawl. The Flash heads down to the local orphanage to spread some Christmas cheer. His quest to bring the kids a highly sought after toy, the farting animatronic doll DJ Rubber Duckie, gets complicated after running into the Ultra-Humanite. And Superman takes Martian Manhunter to Smallville for a chance to see what Christmas is all about. “Comfort and Joy” is a beautifully written story that effortlessly showcases several aspects of what makes Christmas great and, also, occasionally frustrating. Maybe it borders on being saccharine, but there’s just enough punching to help it all go down easy.

Rating: Ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, FIVE GOLDEN RINGS, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree%

(Image from IMDB)

Mr. Willowby's Christmas Tree

A family of mice living inside the eccentric Mr. Willowby’s house set out to cut down the perfect Christmas tree. They climb to the top of the perfect tree, only for it to be cut out from under them by a group of lumberjacks. Those lumberjacks bring the tree back to Mr. Willowby’s house, where he declares it to be the most perfect Christmas tree. Except that it’s just a little too big. Mr. Willowby has the top of the tree cut off (which is where the mice are) and gives that portion of the tree to his maid. She declares it to be the most perfect Christmas tree. Except that it’s just a little too big. So she chops the top off (where the mice are) and throws it in the trash. From there it’s picked up a family of bears and then the portion that they discard is picked up by some owls before, finally, the mice are able to claim their portion of the perfect Christmas tree. Mr. Willowby's Christmas Tree is a fairly obscure Muppets Christmas special starring Robert Downey Jr, Stockard Channing and Leslie Nielsen. Other than a few moments of physical humor, Leslie Nielsen is stuck playing a stuffy butler. And, while I cannot confirm such things, I suspect Robert Downey Jr. might have been under the influence during the production of this special. His character looks like Robert Smith from The Cure and has the manic energy of Willy Wonka and the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. If RDJ was actually sober at this time, then he truly is America’s greatest living actor.

Rating: Nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, FIVE GOLDEN RINGS, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree%

(Image from IMDB)

Sabrina Claus

With Christmas on the way, Sabrina develops a case of Egotitis which messes with her magic. Sabrina’s aunts summon Bob to help get Sabrina reacquainted with the true meaning of Christmas. But, when Bob (who’s actually Santa Claus) gets injured, Sabrina is forced to step in and deliver all of Santa’s gifts herself. While I definitely watched Sabrina the Teenage Witch when it was first on, it failed to make much of an impression on me. Other than Salem, the sometimes puppet sometimes live action cat, nothing from this series really stuck with me. Sabrina doesn’t come off very well in this particular episode. Sure, she has to start out in a bad place in order to learn her lesson but her attitude, which was probably period appropriate in 1997, has aged like old eggnog.

Rating: Eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, FIVE GOLDEN RINGS, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree%

I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown

Rerun, Linus and Lucy’s little brother, wants to get a dog for Christmas. No one in Rerun’s family think he’s ready for the responsibility of pet ownership. Not even Snoopy or his brother Spike think Rerun can handle getting a dog. And that’s about it. Based on that paltry recap, you might think that I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown isn’t a very good special. But it’s probably the second-best Peanuts Christmas special, right after A Charlie Brown Christmas. And that’s mostly because it tells a straightforward story, rather than cobbling together a series of holiday themed vignettes. Sure, Rerun isn’t a particularly interesting or visually distinct character, but the special is a good introduction to him and to a number of Snoopy’s siblings. Also, spoiler alert, I think it’s commendable that the special doesn’t end with Rerun getting a dog for Christmas. A choice like that must have taken a lot of restraint.

Rating: Seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, FIVE GOLDEN RINGS, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree%

(Image from Wikipedia)

Home Alone 4

aka Home Alone: Taking Back the House

After fighting with his siblings, Kevin McCallister decides to spend Christmas with his father and his father’s new girlfriend, Natalie. When Kevin uncovers a plot to kidnap an important guest at Natalie’s Holiday party, no one believes him. Despite his track record, everyone chooses to believe that Kevin is acting out over his parent’s impending divorce. So Kevin takes it upon himself to foil the kidnapping plot in the manner he is most accustomed to: violent hijinks. Home Alone 4 stinks. From the amateurish cinematography and lighting to the choice to center the movie around characters from the first two Home Alone films. It just stinks. I mean, are we expected to believe that this brown-haired kid is the same person as the blonde-haired kid from the first two movies? I don’t think so buddy. And the choice to have the parents get back together at the end of the movie, with zero buildup, is disgusting and insane. Also, get this, at no point in the movie is Kevin ever home alone. Seriously. A pox on your house Home Alone 4. A pox on your house.

Rating: Six geese a-laying, FIVE GOLDEN RINGS, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree%

Secret Santa Rating: 48%

(Image from Wikipedia)

It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

Steve and Carl head out to the woods of Wisconsin to score a free Christmas tree, only to get lost after it starts to snow. Meanwhile, back at the Winslow homestead, Laura must choose between Curtis and Stefan. At this point in the series, Stefan Urquelle was no longer Steve’s cool alter ego and was a fully independent clone of Steve that had been permanently transformed into Stefan. Things like that happened a lot on 90s sitcoms that maybe ran a little too long. Richie is mentioned in the episode but does not appear. And, sadly, by this time my favorite character, Waldo Geraldo Faldo, was no longer a part of the show.

Rating: FIVE GOLDEN RINGS, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree%

A Miser Brothers' Christmas

When their power-hungry brother, the North Wind, injures Santa in a plot to take over Christmas, the Miser Brothers are forced to co-operate in order to keep Christmas on track. The Miser Brothers were a relatively minor part of 1974’s The Year Without a Santa Claus, so giving them their own special was a bit of a stretch. There really isn’t a whole lot to them as characters, other than their rivalry and their introductory songs (which are done twice in this special). The plot of A Miser Brothers' Christmas is pretty basic but the animation quality is decent overall, even if I kept expecting a Mad TV parody to break out at any second. Having Mickey Rooney and George S. Irving reprise their roles from the original special was a nice touch. And I genuinely liked that the North Wind’s minions hissed and snarled like little gremlins.

Rating: Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree%

(Image from Wikipedia)

A Christmas Story

When a storm forces them to cancel their ski trip, the Keatons spend some time reminiscing over an old photo album. Steven and Elyse share the stories behind each of their children’s births. Being made up of fabricated flashbacks, this episode of Family Ties focuses mostly on the Keaton parents rather than their kids. We get a few glimpses into their shared hippie past. I would have liked more time spent with Alex and Mallory but, much like an oversized woolen hat, sometimes you get what you get.

Rating: Three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree%

Prep & Landing: The Snowball Protocol

After their latest mission hits a snag, Lanny and Wayne are called into Santa’s office. Wayne, hoping to downplay his mistake, tells Santa about some of the other snafus he’s overcome on recent missions. Where the first two Prep & Landing specials, along with the Operation: Secret Santa short, have played out like mini action movies, The Snowball Protocol comes across more like a Christmas themed sitcom episode. One where the grumpy guy learns a valuable lesson about friendship. And as fun as some of the worldbuilding elements are in The Snowball Protocol, it would have been nicer to have this new special focus on a bigger story. Especially since it’s been over a decade since these characters had a chance to shine.

Rating: Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree%

(Image from Wikipedia)

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

On Christmas Eve, Ralph is excited to give Alice her Christmas present. Only for a neighbor to show up and give Alice the exact same gift. With time running out and limited funds, Ralph has to run out and find a new gift for Alice. I don’t claim to be an expert when it comes to early television shows, but watching this particular episode of The Honeymooners felt like discovering the Rosetta Stone of sitcoms. With every physical gag and wacky plot twist playing out before a live studio audience for what was probably the first time. I was especially surprised to see that the entire episode took place in Ralph and Alice’s kitchen. Twenty-six minutes of old-timey TV taking place in one tiny location. Maybe every episode of the show was like that. A real expert could probably tell you if that was the case or not. As for me, I’ll probably never know.

Rating: A partridge in a pear tree%

(Image from IMDB)