Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Quality of Life"

A scientist accidentally makes little sentient pet robots so Data has to stick up for their rights. Also Geordi grows a beard!

RATING: 44%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "A Fistful Of Datas"

Data and Geordi are toying with (an obvious plot setup) which results in Data's likeness taking over Worf and Alexander's wild west game on the holodeck. You know, the holodeck seems fun and all but it's obviously much too dangerous for kids or adults or really anybody at all to fuck with.

RATING: 65%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Rascals"

Ha ha I kinda think this episode is fun, sorry.

RATING: 63%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "True Q"

An honors student gets an unpaid internship on the Enterprise (well, every position is unpaid on the Enterprise) but then it turns out she's one of those omnipotent honors students.

RATING: 41%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Schisms"

The crew can't sleep well because they're getting abducted by space aliens. I mean, space aliens that are even more space-alieny than usual.

RATING: 55%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Relics"

The ship finds Scotty, and La Forge is at first mean to him but then warms up to him whenever they have to band together to rescue the Enterprise from a giant space bubble.

RATING: 61%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Man of the People"

A jerky ambassador makes Troi angry, horny, and old by siphoning all his negative thoughts into her.

RATING: 49%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Realm Of Fear"

Barclay is scared of weird HR Giger worms living inside the transporter beam.

RATING: 63%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Time's Arrow"

They find Data's five hundred year old severed head in a cave on Earth so the crew travels back in time and enlists the help of Mark Twain to stop some blue space ghosts from eating human souls.

RATING: 81%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Inner Light"

😢.

RATING: 100%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Next Phase"

Ro and Laforge get turned into invisible spirits and everybody thinks they're dead including Ro herself.

RATING: 86%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "I Borg"

The Enterprise takes in a stray Borg and names him Hugh while Picard is like "We're NOT keeping him!"

RATING: 68%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Imaginary Friend"

Ha, ok come on.

RATING: 18%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Perfect Mate"

A woman born out of a glowing egg in the shuttle falls in love with Picard but she's engaged.

RATING: 41%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Cost of Living"

Lwaxana Troi and Alexander have fun in a holodeck circus spa program as the Enterprise computer is getting turned into pink goop.

RATING: 51%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The First Duty"

Wesley and his college friends pull a deadly stunt and Tom Paris the little shit is like "no, we're in it together, lie for me."

RATING: 57%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Cause And Effect"

The Enterprise gets exploded over and over like a fiery version of Groundhog Day.

RATING: 63%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Outcast"

Major points off for when the crew gives a bunch of misogynist stereotypes when explaining the "inherent" characteristics/social roles of men and women, but good effort for making a show in 1992 about homophobia in America.

RATING: 46%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Ethics"

Worf is paralyzed in an accident and wants to die, but everybody's like no don't die and guess what, he doesn't.

RATING: 62%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Power Play"

Space ghosts possess O'Brien, Data, and Troi so they take over the ship in an episode that is maybe Colm Meaney's audition tape for DS9?

RATING: 75%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Conundrums"

Everybody's memory gets wiped on purpose by some nefarious so and sos and Worf thinks he's captain, Data thinks he's a bartender, and Ro and Riker think they're doing sex.

RATING: 83%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Masterpiece Society"

A group of colonists genetically engineered to be super boring is in danger from a big ole starpoop.

RATING: 41%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Violations"

Ugh fuck this episode.

RATING: 1%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Hero Worship"

A kid's parents get killed on another starship so he starts to pretend to be an android since Data rescued him but what I wanna know is how come they put this kid back in school like one day after his parents die???

RATING: 49%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "New Ground"

Worf has to deal with being a single dad while the Enterprise chases a laser wave through space.

RATING: 52%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "A Matter Of Time"

A really annoying time traveler comes on board to see/swindle the famous Enterprise and hit on Dr. Crusher.

RATING: 38%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Unification"

Spock goes missing on Romulus so Picard and Data go undercover in makeup while the Enterprise visits a junkyard.

RATING: 71%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Game"

Those darn kids and their video games get everybody on the Enterprise addicted to one like a drug in this excruciatingly terrible episode.

RATING: 6%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Disaster"

An earthquake in space disables the Enterprise and everybody must deal with a variety of awful scenarios although Keiko has her baby which isn't awful.

RATING: 83%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Silicon Avatar"

A scientist whose son was killed by a giant space snowflake comes on board to yell at Data and try to get revenge.

RATING: 61%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Ensign Ro"

Perennial badass Ro Laren gets assigned to the Enterprise and everyone is way mean to her and disrespects her religion and whatnot.

RATING: 67%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Darmok"

Captain Picard is stranded with a person who can only speak metaphorical gibberish - sounds like my MFA program!

RATING: 100%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Redemption"

Worf quits Starfleet to fight in the Klingon civil war, Tasha Yar's alternate reality Romulan daughter shows up, and Data has to deal with an jerky first officer.

RATING: 71%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "In Theory"

Data starts dating an engineering officer but she's just on the rebound so she's not that into him.

RATING: 55%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Mind's Eye"

Some Romulans reprogram Laforge's visor so they can control him into being an assassin and luckily he gets stopped though too bad nobody on the Enterprise learned their lesson since this is the exact way the ship will later be destroyed.

RATING: 78%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Host"

Cool for introducing the Trill but the ending plays pretty homophobic. Like, of course you can't expect a straight person to change her sexuality, but Beverly has a line at the end that implies no human is capable of loving multiple genders in the 24th Century.

RATING: 32%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Half A Life"

I'm not quite sure what the metaphor is here - we shouldn't ever make a mandatory death age? Is it about retirement?

RATING: 38%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Drumhead"

A vindictive admiral shows up to put everybody on trial for everything.

RATING: 72%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Qpid"

There's a lot of quality sound bites in this episode but it's kinda clunky and they don't even get turned into merry men until like halfway in.

RATING: 48%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Nth Degree"

How'd this first season episode get all the way into the fourth season?

RATING: 65%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Identity Crisis"

Geordi and some old pals get turned into blue chameleons.

RATING: 53%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Night Terrors"

Major nightmare fuel if, like me, you were ten years old when you first see this episode.

RATING: 70%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Galaxy's Child"

Geordi's holodeck crush comes on board for real and a space slug thinks the Enterprise is its mommy.

RATING: 67%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "First Contact"

Riker gets injured while posing as an alien on a first contact mission which is pretty interesting though points off for Riker being coerced into sex with an alien being played for laughs.

RATING: 57%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Clues"

The crew wakes up from being knocked out for a minute but maybe it was more than a minute after all.

RATING: 63%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Devil's Due"

Picard puts an alien devil on trial and she's like, hey, why not sleep with me instead?

RATING: 83%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Wounded"

An old racist starship captain is making raids on a group of aliens called the Cardassians or something and it's up to O'Brien to talk him down.

RATING: 80%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Data's Day"

Data writes a letter to that asshole scientist who tried to have him disassembled where he narrates his average day of giving away a bride at a wedding and facing down two Romulan warbirds.

RATING: 64%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Loss"

Troi loses her empathic powers because of some living space dust.

RATING: 61%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Final Mission"

Wesley and Picard get trapped on a desert world while Wesley is on his way to space college.

RATING: 77%