Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Ménage à Troi"

A Ferengi captain kidnaps Lwaxana to make her his wife and then Picard just lets the guy off the hook?

RATING: 44%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Sarek"

Spock's dad comes on board to negotiate a treaty and he's having some major feelings which is not normal for a Vulcan.

RATING: 75%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Most Toys"

A sleazy collector kidnaps Data and then Data tries to kill him out of revenge because sure Data doesn't have emotions at all, nope.

RATING: 71%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Hollow Pursuits"

King Awkward Reginald Barclay is addicted to holodeck programs starring the ship's crew but of course that ain't gonna fly on the Enterprise.

RATING: 68%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Tin Man"

A psychic comes on board to make contact with a sentient space pinecone but maybe he's a little too psychic.

RATING: 89%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Captain's Holiday"

Picard takes a vacation to that boring sex planet Risa and gets caught up in an Indiana Jones type adventure that's really more Jewel of the Nile quality.

RATING: 45%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Allegiance"

Captain Picard gets kidnapped and replaced by a double who buys everybody beer and puts the moves on Dr. Crusher.

RATING: 70%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Sins of the Father"

Worf meets his long lost brother and they learn a little lesson about how rich people get to change the law when it suits them.

RATING: 61%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Offspring"

I like Data episodes but this episodes treatment of gender as binary and "necessary" for Data's child to choose to interact with others is not very forgivable.

RATING: 14%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Yesterday's Enterprise"

Bitchin'.

RATING: 100%

Star Trek:The Next Generation - "A Matter Of Perspective"

Riker gets accused of being inappropriate with a scientist's wife (believable) and then murdering that scientist (less believable) so they get to do a space court episode.

RATING: 66%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Deja Q"

Q is turned into a human and gets a chance to eat chocolate and get stabbed and everything else you and I take for granted.

RATING: 84%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The High Ground"

Dr. Crusher gets taken hostage by terrorists and meanwhile everybody on the Enterprise is like "is terrorism good maybe?"

RATING: 68%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Hunted"

A super criminal escapes from prison just as his home planet is trying to join the Federation, so of course he's like hey these jailers aren't very nice! Also he wills himself out of a transporter beam which seems p ridiculous.

RATING: 38%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Defector"

The ship picks up a Romulan who wants to (you guessed it) defect to the Federation which doesn't sit well with the Romulans themselves (or does it?).

RATING: 71%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Vengeance Factor"

I hope this is the only time Riker ever has to vaporize somebody he loves.

RATING: 36%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Price"

The galaxy's first stable wormhole is found so a bunch of aliens negotiate over it while Troi gets a little space fling.

RATING: 53%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Enemy"

Back to back Geordi episodes! Geordi gets trapped on a planet with a Romulan and also Worf fails to get over some prejudices.

RATING: 60%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Booby Trap"

The ship investigates a 1000 year old derelict piloted by skeletons and Geordi fails at love (aka Geordi And The Real Girl).

RATING: 61%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Bonding"

After a kid's mom dies on an away mission, a space alien takes her form and tries to kidnap him, so he's basically gonna be in for some major therapy forever and ever.

RATING: 73%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Who Watches The Watchers"

Through a series of accidents Picard ends up being worshipped as a god to some primitive proto-Vulcans. I'm not sure, though, why the observation team couldn't be made up of all Vulcans just in case they ever got caught by the locals but oh well!

RATING: 61%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Survivors"

A good space mystery episode where everybody on a colony was wiped out except one elderly couple and their untouched house/lawn, which, coincidentally, is like every old white republican's dream scenario.

RATING: 91%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Ensigns Of Command"

Some stubborn colonists on a boring beige planet refuse to leave until Data knocks some sense into them courtesy of a phaser.

RATING: 63%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Evolution"

For a science fair project Wesley accidentally creates sentient nanities that fuck with the ship's systems. Like, you should've made a baking soda volcano, pal!

RATING: 70%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Gulliver's Fugitives"

The Enterprise finds a planet where sci-fi and other storytelling is against the law, and also helps the rebels who love reading amirite readers???

RATING: 43%

(Where to place: Right before the third season of TNG.)

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Shades of Gray"

Riker gets bit by a tree and suffers through an excruciating clip show as a result.

RATING: 1%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Peak Performance"

The Enterprise takes part in wargames against a broken down old ship that Riker has to command. They just have a bunch of dirty old ships sitting around I guess?

RATING: 66%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Emissary"

Worf sleeps with his academy crush and is then like "Now we are Klingon married!" and she's like "Worf it is the 24th Century give me a break!"

RATING: 68%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Manhunt"

Lwaxana Troi is back and hornier than ever so Picard hides from her in his detective videogame.

RATING: 55%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Up The Long Ladder"

Jesus fucking christ.

RATING: 2%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Samaritan Snare"

While Picard and Wesley go on a field trip together the Enterprise meets a ship of space dummies asking for help but if you'll recall the title of this episode it could be maybe a trap?

RATING: 63%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Q Who"

Everybody's favorite space imp shows up to introduce his newish friends on the Enterprise to his oldish friends, the Borg.

RATING: 92%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Pen Pals"

Data rips the prime directive completely apart by befriending a child from a dying world via ham radio because sure he totally doesn't have emotions at all, nope.

RATING: 80%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Icarus Factor"

Riker's dad comes on board and Pulaski's like "hubba hubba" but Will is just a major sourpuss about the whole situation.

RATING: 61%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Time Squared"

Picard's doppelganger shows up after Riker makes a gross omelet.

RATING: 81%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Royale"

On a poison planet the ship finds a working adaptation of a horrible mass market novel, also known as the 2015 movie theater.

RATING: 96%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Contagion"

While checking in with the USS Yamato, the Enterprise catches a ten thousand year old computer virus (kinda like getting Doom II Death in 2015) that threatens to destroy the ship. Meanwhile Picard investigates the space door technology of the oldies, some aliens named the Iconians.

RATING: 85%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Dauphin"

Wesley falls in love with a space princess but assholes out when he finds out she wasn't exactly born a humanoid girl.

RATING: 26%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Measure Of A Man"

Some dicky scientist tries to say Data is Starfleet property so they have a big dramatic space court battle to decide if he is sentient or not.

RATING: 90%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "A Matter Of Honor"

Riker takes part in an exchange program to a Klingon ship where he has to learn to eat worms and gets sexually harassed by some Klingon officers.

RATING: 66%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Unnatural Selection"

Dr. Pulaski gets an aging disease like in TOS but they use the transporter to make her all better (which ought to mean the transporters could be used to create immortality but idk!).

RATING: 47%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Loud As A Whisper"

Ferrying a superstar ambassador to mediate a centuries long war, the whole crew is SHOCKED and ASTONISHED when they discover the ambassador is (gasp) deaf.

RATING: 17%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Schizoid Man"

A cranky ole scientist puts his consciousness into Data making our favorite android into a mean bucket of bolts.

RATING: 63%