Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Outrageous Okona"

Oh, he's not that outrageous.

RATING: 50%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Elementary, Dear Data"

I'm glad whenever I play a video game on extreme difficulty it doesn't become sentient and threaten the whole neighborhood.

RATING: 66%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Where Silence Has Lease"

A lonely space void envelopes the Enterprise to experiment on them to learn what it means to be alive, exactly like that fake kid from last episode.

RATING: 31%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Child"

An mysterious space light impregnates Troi against her will but everybody's like aw, cute kid!

RATING: 7%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Neutral Zone"

The ship finds a capsule with three frozen people from the 1980s, including a country singer, an evil stockbroker type, and a housewife. Also there's a b story with the reappearance of the Romulans and some groundwork for the Borg but mostly it's Data and the country guy hanging out while the stockbroker whines about being resurrected in a moneyless socialist utopia.

RATING: 66%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Conspiracy"

Little purple bugs straight out of an 80s new wave video try to take over a bunch of admirals by crawling down their throats, and to save the day Picard and Riker blow up a dude's head.

RATING: 70%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "We'll Always Have Paris"

Picard meets up with an old flame and also everybody keeps having deja vu, the real kind I mean.

RATING: 62%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Skin Of Evil"

A talking oil slick who eats negative emotions kills Tasha Yar, one of the most interesting main characters in the first season.

RATING: 56%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Symbiosis"

The Enterprise saves some burnt out drug addicts and their dealers from burning up in their freighter.

RATING: 71%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Arsenal Of Freedom"

The ship gets caught up in a live demonstration for a laser drone supercharger and also Geordi has to deal with a racist/ablist/ageist hater when he's put in command.

RATING: 89%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Heart Of Glory"

A few Klingons come on board and accuse Worf of selling out.

RATING: 56%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Behind Enemy Lines"

Picard teams up with his old pal Ro Laren to sabotage an artificial wormhole the Dominion is building and meanwhile Riker seduces a starbase commander to try to get the Enterprise fixed faster.

RATING: 43%

(Where to place: Between The 5th and 6th seasons of DS9.)

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Coming Of Age"

Wesley takes the Starfleet Academy entrance exam which includes a test where they trick students into believing they're living out their worst fears. No wonder they have therapists on board every starship!

RATING: 56%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Home Soil"

The ship has to stop some terraformers from killing a buncha sentient sand.

RATING: 21%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "When The Bough Breaks"

Some advanced alien babies decide to steal all the Enterprise's children.

RATING: 47%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Too Short A Season"

An old cranky admiral is taking youth pills so he can negotiate with some space terrorists. The episode is only ok but I'm giving it a lot of extra points for its fantastic musical score.

RATING: 60%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "11001001"

Some aliens who speak in binary steal the Enterprise and program a holodeck program to give Riker a major bone (not difficult).

RATING: 58%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Angel One"

A planet where WOMEN are in in charge of MEN?????? Whaaaaaaaa???????

This episode isn't as sexist as "Code of Honor" is racist but it fails pretty hard in its... moral? I'm not even sure the episode tries to criticize 1980s misogyny in any meaningful way.

RATING: 46%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Datalore"

Data's emotional evil twin is found and it makes Data tres jelly. They didn't really do a good job of making Data totally emotionless as he supposedly was in these early episodes.

RATING: 81%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Big Goodbye"

Right before a big delicate meeting with some bug aliens Picard decides to frag some 20th Century gangsters in a future video game which for some reason has "safety features." Um, why again would you want to be able to be killed on the holodeck?

RATING: 63%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Haven"

Troi's mom comes to visit and it's a madcap wedding comedy with a side of deadly plague ship.

RATING: 92%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Hide And Q"

Everybody's favorite space God comes along with some Napoleonic pig men to stab Wesley to death.

RATING: 78%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Battle"

Some Ferengi give Captain Picard his old ruined ship back as a present for free, no strings attached, none whatsoever.

RATING: 63%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Justice"

The Enterprise discovers a Sex Planet and of course Wesley fucks it up for everybody.

RATING: 67%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Lonely Among Us"

A sentient cosmic spark takes over some of the crew and interrupts a peace negotiation between some snake people and some weasel people.

RATING: 31%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Where No One Has Gone Before"

The ship gets accidentally thrown into a weird dreamspace where thoughts are real and you can like taste colors dude.

RATING: 80%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Last Outpost"

Pretty bitchin that the good guys, the Federation socialists, face off against evil Ferengi capitalists at the height of the Reagan administration.

RATING: 73%

Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Code of Honor"

Ugh, perhaps the most wildly racist episode of any Star Trek show ever made. F-.

RATING: 0%