Monday, June 1, 2009

Toni Morrison reading her own books on cd

Please, Aunt Toni, stop reading your own work on cd. Let someone else do it.

I love to bring you along on road trips. You make a traffic jam far less painful through a strange inverse relationship between lower road rage corresponding to lengthier descriptions of slavery and child abuse.

But please, no more reading your own work. The lip-smacking noises every time you took a breath during Beloved were really nasty and I couldn't finish my bag of chicharrones. Maybe that's a good thing.

Imagine what you sound like... your hoarse and breathy voice like a seventy year old Tori Amos... your unnecessary prologues... "In the town, there is a street. On the street, there is a house. In the house, there lives a family. And in this family... there is incest."


Rating: 49%

Image courtesy of


Viking Andrew said...

Yeah, I have mixed feelings about the author-reading-his-her-own-work-in-audio. I've had a few good experiences, a number of bad ones.

I guess the author gets paid, though?

shoppista said...

Did she really say that? Was it before she read Bluest Eye?

Usually, I really like hearing authors read their own work, but that sounds ghastly.

Viking Andrew said...


I was channel surfing and came across Intervention, and it's about this firefighter up in Canada who became an alcoholic and lost everything...
And the dude orders beer. Like, over the phone. Like you would a pizza.


You can order beer in Canada?

(not) Brent Newland said...

i hear they put beer in the tapwater like flouride up there

loco said...

Toni Morrison was my graduation speaker. I'm high in the alphabet, so I got to sit right near the stage and watch her pick her teeth!

Internet John said...

Yeah, you can order beer over the phone. It's a third party delivery service that does it. You could probably order crystal meth over the phone as long as you paid the driver.

Evan J. Peterson said...


No, she didn't really say that. It's just my impersonation of her. I wonder what Toni Morrison would sound like ordering beer over the phone?
*air suck* I would likhhh your c-holdest beeeer, young man. Bring it to me in the backhhh of a truckhhh, the bed of it lined... with a tarpaulin. *air suck* An... APPAULIN tarpaulin... *air suck*

(not) Brent Newland said...