Yesterday, Governor Hair made a few comments that angered a few people. Relax. Texas isn't going to seceed. How can it when it's already a country? After hearing of Perry's remarks, a number of my good sweet liberal Facebook pals made comments like, "If Texas wants to seceed, I say let them!" and "So long as it's home to Bush, I don't care what happens to Texas!" Slow down. You don't really want us to leave. We're your drug dealer. And anyway, just go ahead and admit it: you love us. Sure, not as much as we love ourselves, but still. You really really love us!
Secession Rating: Unpatriotic%
Texas Rating: Whoop!%
I had a good laugh when some liberals described it as an "unpatriotic" comment. I guess irony runs on both sides of the fence.
ReplyDeleteAnd the only reason to really dis' Texas is because of envy. But that's an entirely natural human emotion.
I hate them dagblasted cut and run liberals.
ReplyDeleteDo you think the guys who harassed you about your pink shirt were liberals?
ReplyDeletehahahahahahahah who was wareing a pink shirt
ReplyDeleteHey (N)BNL, you should move here: Our Governor is kickass.
ReplyDeletePS - If you click on the "drug dealer" link and look at the section 'Technology,' the picture is where my father works. True story!
ReplyDeleteI genuinely believe that men with small dicks spend all their time and energy overcompensating for their small dicks. And that experience, that drive, is where this "Texas is the greatest state ever" attitude comes from. So I guess what I'm saying here is that Texas is full of men with tiny, tiny penises. Therefore, I don't care if Texas secedes because I don't particularly care for small dicks.
ReplyDeleteYou don't think "New York is the greatest city ever" is a problem up your way?
ReplyDeleteFollow-up:
ReplyDeleteWhat about the multitude of Texas women who believe "Texas is the greatest state ever"? Do they have tiny clitorises? Massive clitorises?
Ha! Ha!
ReplyDeleteLaurie's small dick hypothesis makes a lot of sense.
I think that hypothesis is tired and played out.
ReplyDeleteSo what's the deal? Are we on for early May? Let me know so I can play tour guide.
ReplyDeleteI don't recall making a NYC is the greatest city ever argument actually. And those Texas women probably just have to say that because they are afraid of their tiny penised husbands. They all have guns, you know. Also evidence of tiny penis syndrome.
ReplyDeletePs - Chris, sorry to hear about your tiny penis.
I think Viking Andrew was referring to a common notion in NYC that it's the greatest city in the world.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think we're on for early May. Glenn promised.
ReplyDeleteThe faults of NYC do not make Texas any less tiny-dicked.
ReplyDeleteI don't recall making a Texas is the greatest state ever argument. What I do recall doing is posting a review of the Texas' governor's outlandish remarks about a solution to federal tax increases and using, as support, a number of hyperlinks to show the idiocy of certain wingnuts and their belief that Texas ought to be its own country.
ReplyDeleteBut hey. I'm sure there is some completely logical connection between Physiology and pride. After all, it has been used many a-time in the past
I think Viking Andrew's point is that according to your argument NYC also has a tiny dick.
ReplyDeleteSo technically it would make Texas less tiny-dicked (relatively speaking). After all, isn't our perception of a decent-sized dick come from comparing it to other ones?
Listhen honey, i've benn fucken texan dudes fur da butter part off 20 years. An I kin tell u dat day all got BIG pricks.
ReplyDeleteAnd V.A. I think trying to link physiology and ego is a bit ridiculous. Is there some correlation? Sure. But what about men who spend just a a little time compensating for their penises? Does that make them average? Is it a sliding scale?
ReplyDeleteIn other words, it's an awful correlation to draw.
Let me rephrase that.
ReplyDeleteIt's an awful correlation for incredibly intelligent people.
Mandy, I told you not to post on the blog.
ReplyDeleteSorry guys.
Lauree ween you com to Texas, you stay away frum ma corner else I kick your saweet ass. Understood girl? don't like it when NY hoes com here to steel ma bidnes.
ReplyDelete@Chris: Aw, don't get all mad. You know I'm just trying to stir up trouble.
ReplyDelete@Mandy: Bring it on bitch, because I will happily show you how we do it in Brooklyn.
I just realized that I have the worst fucken Texas accent ever. So I think I'll just shut the fuck up.
ReplyDeleteI'm not all mad. I'm just trying to antagonize you.
ReplyDeleteBut I can't do it as well as I.J. By the way, where the hell is he?
He's probably out talking someone to death.
ReplyDeleteInternet John is busy with his usual Thursday night, end-of-week routine: 1) sit in lay-z-boy; 2) turn on computer; 3) hate life.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Fuck Texas. Vive le Québec libre!
ReplyDeleteDick size should only matter to tall girls.
ReplyDelete@loco: I'm 6' in heels.
ReplyDeleteIn Texas, high-heels + skinny + spandex spells whore. So you is just one pair of spandex tights away from being just like me, bitch.
ReplyDeletehahaha...loco, next time I'm there remind me not to wear heels...no need to remind me not to wear spandex...
ReplyDeleteSince when did this blog turn into a Candace Bushnell novel?
ReplyDeleteSo what you're saying Andrew, is that any reference to high heels turns this into a Candace Bushnell novel? Seriously? Is that what you're implying? Because then what is the blog normally? An action movie? A Camaro? Because I read you guys' hetro male stuff all the time...
ReplyDeleteI'm just fucking with you.
ReplyDeleteYou better be, because I know your weakness.
ReplyDelete@VK
ReplyDeleteif you want to get fucked (that's real macho you know) Chris has my number.
My only weakness is my shoulder.
ReplyDelete@Mandy,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the offer. Chris didn't tell you? He and I are gay, tiny-penised lovers who shout, "Remember the Alamo!" every time we climax.
Ha ha, all my guests shout that. And, I think I could un-gay you. Your mother would like that.
ReplyDeleteI doubt it. My mother is in graduate school; she sees heterosexual relations as a violent means by which phallocentrism once again attempts to siphon power from the downtrodden. Again, though, I thank you for the offer.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a great movie! I am kinda surprised to see Tom Cruise playing the Governor, though. I just didn't think he'd be able to get that accent quite right. Good on him!
ReplyDelete@VK
ReplyDeleteYou know, although I graduated summa cum laude from a topnotch Texas grammar school, I can't figure out what your last comment means; but I'm sure it's, like, totally badass.
@VA: That is the weakness I was referring to.
ReplyDelete"[P]hallocentrism...attempts to siphon power from the downtrodden."
ReplyDeleteNow there's a tortured metaphor. New American Voice Viking Andrew stands alone in a sea of American voices.
Yeah, and that comment was made in earnest. Check yourself before you wreck yourself, IJ.
ReplyDelete