Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Cthulhu, 2008

This is a movie. It isn't really a horror movie or a gay movie or a gay horror movie, or even really a movie. And Cthulhu isn't in it. But Tori Spelling is. And she does horrible things to a gay man in a bad wig. She also works at the local sea lion caves. It seems like this was supposed to be an adaptation of The Shadow Over Innsmouth, but it's more like a David DeCoteau film without anyone hot in it. On the up side, it's not without camp value.

Rating: I want my 80 minutes back, Netflix!% (24%)

Top image courtesy of

Bottom image courtesy of MSPaint.evan


laurie said...

I fucking hate Tori Spelling. Mostly because she stole some other lady's husband and somehow got a tv show out of it (I really hate cheaters). Also, she is fugly.

Also, good review. This movie sounds just about as shitty as I would expect any movie with TS in it to be.

Internet John said...

Nice to see Hatchet Face getting some work. Wish she'd stay out of movies I might watch, though.

Fyfa said...

I don't know why but whenever I read anything concerning Tori Spelling I end up needing an enema. Not just any small ass enema either. No, I need a 5 quart, heavy duty, with a rectal nozzle and plunger.

Insominac guy said...

uh yeah, now that's attractive.

Belabras said...

If you are looking for an at least watchable adaptation of Shadow over Innsmouth, Dagon isn't too bad.

I don't watch things with Tori Spelling in them and my life is infinitely better for it.

Internet John said...

I like the cut up image. Wish it was bigger though.

Evan J. Peterson said...

Me too. I'm not sure what went wrong. I tried resizing it.

Fyfa, the medieval exorcists used a twenty gallon brass syringe filled with holy water, which they pumped into the anus of the possessed. (c/o Melora Creager and Rasputina)

Evan J. Peterson said...

Fixed (sort of)!

Thanks, barely rudimentary knowledge of html!

Internet John said...

My friend had a roommate who moved out in a hurry and left like half his stuff in his room, and when my friend was cleaning out this guy's room, he found an enema bag with a vibrating tip. He said he used a coat hanger to pick it up and throw it away.

I would have made a bong out of it.