Sometimes we may be a little crass and perhaps automatically assault any new reader we get or accuse them of not being real, but in all honesty what would would R3 be without all of you? Now please tell your friends so we can get a goddamn book deal already.RATING: 96%
A book deal would be sweet.
ReplyDeleteCrass? This group of oft-embittered writers? No way. =\
ReplyDelete@Glenn
ReplyDeleteAs an often abused reader, I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug. You’re the only gentle soul in R3.
As for John, I wish I could reach out and give him a kick in the nuts.
And if Laurie had nuts (and sometimes it seems that she does) I'd like to do the same to her.
ReplyDelete@McTavish: You wouldn't want to hug Glenn, either, cos he kind of smells funny.
ReplyDeletePS - Sorry I was so mean. For a long time I just thought you were John's alter ego.
Awwww. That's sweet.
ReplyDeleteBut don't totally stop being a bitch cuz that's part of what makes R3 fun.
Well thank Jesus you think so because I'm a hell of a lot better at being a bitch than being a sweetie pie.
ReplyDeleteWhere's Dirk (Laurie's alter)?
ReplyDeleteI mean, I just thought it was funny Laurie had to create someone to make us think she had friends other than us.
ReplyDeleteI think Dirk is still at home cleaning up the dumpling sauce I spilled all over his coffee table last night. Because that is the kind of crazy Saturday night antics I get up to.
ReplyDeleteRight, Laurie. His/your coffee table.
ReplyDeleteYou and me are gonna fight to the death one of these days, Chris.
ReplyDeleteWhen you guys are done the green meme circle jerk, you could always back me up on this BNL thing.
ReplyDeleteI'll back you up. Where are you getting shit for it?
ReplyDeleteSo I clicked on "kick in the nuts" as my 2 year old son walked by the computer desk. He stopped, watched for a few seconds, then yelled "YEAH!".
ReplyDeleteI'm scared to find out what he gets up to at daycare this week, especially after all that ass tapping at the hair salon a few weeks ago!
What am I doing wrong?
@John: What the hell are you talking about?
ReplyDelete@looking for advice: And that right there is the reason I never click R3 links in the school computer lab.
@lipstickmom: Can you also tell me how to find a nice husband to impregnate and financially support me so I can give up the ruse that I am hardworking and ambitious? You're my only hope Lipstickmom!
Laurie I'd like to know how to do that to, but without the impregnation part?
ReplyDelete@Laurie: You classy gal, you leave me a coffee table sticky with dumpling juice and then publicly denigrate the excitement of our evening spent eating Chinese food together. I'm appalled.
ReplyDelete@Chris: Lol yeah I do exist, still hating on those Cowboys and all things Texas from my liberal elite perch in Bk. I could see how it would be tough to keep track of your loyal readers with so many alter egos posting. I'll try to be more consistent in posting moderately offensive commentary.
I don't know if I can handle my worlds colliding like this.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though (and I know I'm potentially opening myself up to verbal rape here), why so many alter egos? Is anybody else getting bored with the fake personas?
ReplyDeleteOut of curiosity, how many people are there, other than me, who read this blog and are not actually official R3 members? Also, how many R3 contributors post exclusively as themselves with no "alters"?
@ Timmaaay!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't have a consistent alter ego, although I'll sometimes post comments as David Lynch, Celine Dion, etc. as the occasion demands.
the internet, lexi-con, and carpoople are all the same person who is a non-posting reader.
I agree with you, though, although I always enjoy lipstickmom123 and NBNL, as well as NBNL's mom. I've tended to view the fakes sort of like footnotes in a David Foster Wallace novel--sometimes brilliant, sometimes self-indulgent and unnecessary. They are getting played out.
@ Chris
ReplyDeleteThe real BNL posted a comment on "Grad School Pettiness," and I apologized to him for bothering him at home. So far the rest of our blogging community has remained silent on the issue, except Laurie said, "BURN"
Oh, fuck BNL. I'm heading over there.
ReplyDeleteAnd John, the "@"? Really? I expect a lot more from you.
Brent just lost some points with me for that post, but he's still a cool guy.
ReplyDeleteIf I could do it all over again I'd do it all over again.
@ Timmaaay!!!: At the R3 party we tried to figure out who was behind all the alter egos but we were stumped on a lot of them. Personally, I have only posted as a fake person once and while I don't remember when or why I did, I know it was really obvious when I did it. So that's that.
ReplyDeleteDirk is a real person, I think that's obvious by now.
In conclusion, Lipstickmom is the greatest and I would be very upset if she ever went away for good.
Tim, I have one alter, but it's actually who I am. Which is refreshing as I was not actually christened "Loco," believe it or not.
ReplyDeleteAnd I didn't comment on BNL's comment because I wanted to say BURN too but Laurie'd already said and, and who needs both L's on R3 saying BURN?
Also, I'll admit it -- the fact that BNL did research before posting is kind of hot to me.
ReplyDeleteI think you all can make amends to BNL by inviting him to formally join R3. Maybe offer him the position of CRO (Chief Review Officer). If you can sucker him in, you will have the opportunity to rip him good.
ReplyDeleteWell he does have experience reviewing all those cell phone watches.
ReplyDeleteI read, but have never posted before. So here's a post from a real person, just to let you know that people outside R3 actually read this. Of course I'm not sure why I read this stuff. I guess I don't have much of a life either.
ReplyDeleteHooray Sue! We're so happy you're reading. And I'm happy we have another woman here who is a real person. (Not that I don't LOVE Lipstick mom.)
ReplyDeleteAre you sure lipstick mom isn't an alter ego? She really seems to be. That's just my opinion. Maybe Chris or Glen. Could be another NBNL. just a thought.
ReplyDeleteLipstickmom? No way! (Actually yes, we're pretty sure she is a friend that Glenn and I went to undergrad with. But don't tell her that! I don't want to scare her away because she is the BEST.)
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's not me. But I was bummed she didn't show to the R3 party. I think we've kind of made a connection here, and I wanted to see where it would go.
ReplyDeleteHow do you know Sue isn't a guy?
ReplyDeleteI thought you were a little more progressive than that, Laurie.
Aaand our site will turn into a late-night personals ad in 3...2...1...
ReplyDeleteA boy named Sue? Naaa, that don't exist.
ReplyDeleteHey everyone! What did I miss?
ReplyDelete@Sue: (This @ thing is so FUN!)
ReplyDeleteI'm as real as G*d makes 'em! Right down to my swollen anckles!
i account for at least 40-50% of r3 traffick
ReplyDeletealso, i think glen would have given 'our readers' 100% xcept that me and i. jon brought down the score
ReplyDeleteFuckin right.
ReplyDelete