Sunday, March 15, 2009

Miracle Whip

Miracle Whip is a sweet, mayonnaise-type dressing consumed on sandwiches and in salads by people who fuck their cousins. What's scary is that there are diners other than Russians and burn victims who can't tell the difference.

RATING: 10% in a jar, 2% on a ham salad sandwich at the church picnic.

*shudder*

(Image from ninecooks.typepad.com. Look closely and it gets even worse.)
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17 comments:

  1. DCPMarch 15, 2009 at 11:42 AM

    I like Miracle Whip more than mayonnaise. It was what I was brought up on. Mayonnaise is too fatty tasting.

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  2. laurieMarch 15, 2009 at 12:38 PM

    You mom tastes too fatty.

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  3. laurieMarch 15, 2009 at 12:38 PM

    (Nothing personal to Glenn's actual mom, who is a lovely woman.)

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  4. Timmaaay!!!March 15, 2009 at 1:23 PM

    Yeah, what Glenn said!

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  5. ChrisMarch 15, 2009 at 3:32 PM

    Why Miracle Whip when you can enjoy the full flavor of mayonnaise?

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  6. laurieMarch 15, 2009 at 3:50 PM

    You can't even compare Miracle Whip to mayo because MW has a weird salad dressing like flavor (the flavor of gross) while mayo is what Jesus puts on all his sandwiches.

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  7. ChrisMarch 15, 2009 at 3:58 PM

    Well, it's typically a substitute for those who don't use mayo (which is ridiculous).

    MW is one of the only "foods" I don't like. Rabbit livers last night? Sure. MW? No thanks.

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  8. Timmaaay!!!March 15, 2009 at 4:10 PM

    Thing is, mayo doesn't really have what I'd call a "full" flavor. Compared to Miracle Whip, mayo's actually kind of fatty and bland.

    I don't NOT eat mayo. In fact, it's a big no-no to replace it with Miracle Whip in recipes. (mayo is mayo; miracle whip is technically salad dressing) It's just that I tend to put Miracle Whip on my sandwiches more often than I put mayo. Same as Glenn, it's what I was brought up on.

    Tenacious D's song where they compare drinking Satan's semen to "gargl[ing] mayonnaise" doesn't help much, either.

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  9. ChrisMarch 15, 2009 at 5:16 PM

    Bland?

    I just don't get it.

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  10. LoCoMarch 15, 2009 at 5:20 PM

    I've never had Miracle Whip because I come from civilization, but mayo is disgusting.

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  11. ChrisMarch 15, 2009 at 5:29 PM

    Loco, you know you love it.

    Eggs and oil. Why not?

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  12. LoCoMarch 15, 2009 at 5:52 PM

    Eggs, fine. Oil, great. But why does it taste rotting?

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  13. laurieMarch 15, 2009 at 6:25 PM

    Rotting? No, you seem to have confused mayo with something else.

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  14. LoCoMarch 15, 2009 at 9:42 PM

    I also don't really like salad dressing. Or salads. Good thing I live in Texas!

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  15. ChrisMarch 16, 2009 at 5:47 PM

    Salads? What's that?

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  16. ChrisMarch 16, 2009 at 5:48 PM

    I just ripped Loco's joke.

    Punchline!

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  17. laurieAugust 23, 2009 at 5:47 PM

    I'm happy to say that here at the end of summer, mayo is still awesome and Miracle Whip (which Glenn pronounces MAreacle Whip) still tastes like poo.

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