For some reason when I bought this I thought it was the Paul Newman brand, and I felt good about that because they give all of their profits to charity or something. But it turns out this popcorn is actually from Orville Redenbacher, a ConAgra brand. You might know ConAgra from their raping the earth, discriminating against cripples and black people, doing some pretty awful things to turkeys, totally fucking ruining peanut butter, and just being generally shitty. The problem is that this popcorn tastes fucking amazing. It is not garlic-y as the flavor description would lead you to believe, but is instead the perfect amount (that is to say, heavy but not too crazy) buttery and salty. And it comes in these tiny little bags that are great because they don't lead to me eating a huge bag of popcorn all by myself, but are also not enough if I want to do some serious popcorn eating (which is why I ate two bags while watching The Office and 30 Rock on Thursday). In conclusion, this tastes like popcorn perfection and it is a real shame that my liberal guilt will never allow me to buy it again.Taste rating: 80%
Company rating: 0%
Overall rating: Confusedandguilty%
Laurie's ability to take the fun out of everything rating: 40%
That and a Bud Light...sooo nice.
ReplyDeleteAh, liberal guilt. Is there any other kind?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm sure that agribusiness tag will get a lot of use.
ReplyDeleteYeah, because our tags are strictly utilitarian.
ReplyDeleteI don't think ConAgra will be pleased with this review. And usually when that happens they find a way to give the offending party a
ReplyDeletebad case of diarrhea. I hope you have an internet connection in your bathroom.
i think i wanna start a flame war
ReplyDeletehey intnert jon
ReplyDeletehey fuck you buddy
carl mark sucks a fatty and so do you
ReplyDeletewy dont you control the means of production of my crap by eating it
ReplyDeletealso, science is for tards if you dont have fa*th you gona go to h**k and shame your family
ReplyDelete@McTavish: I have a wireless network that covers my whole apt so I'm all set. Bring it on, ConAgra!
ReplyDeleteyou stay out of this unless you want som too
ReplyDelete(jk you seem tough)
ReplyDeletesaturday nights suck d
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI would like some of that popcorn. All companies are basically evil, right? Mmm butter garlic.
ReplyDeletewtfuck is w/ all these deleted comments whoever deleetd comments is a total retard butt jerk off a hole f for brains
ReplyDeletehey glen waht did the deletde comments say you have the power to tell me right
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't me. If I wanted to tell you that you're a greasy haired, pube-goateed pussy and pasty white pig-fucker I wouldn't need to delete it. Shouldn't you be working on your homosexual star wars blog or doing an internet course for dyslexic fucktards or praising Jesus on the jumbotron or making a rose out of jolly ranchers or something?
ReplyDeleteBitch.
ReplyDeleteHey BNL wanna learn some Romanian? Lingea-mi-ai branza de pe rafturile pulii!
ReplyDeleteThat means "lick the cheese from my dick's shelves!"
Hey BNL, do you need a bj?
ReplyDeletenot fair. You can't impersonate me saying gay shit. I say enough gay shit on my own.
ReplyDeleteAnd so what if I'm masturbating? It's not like I'm getting any.
ReplyDeleteAll proud Scotsmen masturbate.
ReplyDeleteThat's not a Scottie.
ReplyDeleteBut his name is Angus so he must be.
ReplyDeleteLaurie,
ReplyDeleteHave you seen the flick, "Quest for Fire?" Either this popcorn is the pinnacle of evolution, or we should shuck it all (iphones, cars, electricity, refrigeration, laptops, etc.) and de-evolve into primordial ooze once again in order to save Gaia. I, for one, won’t be giving up pudding cups and rocky road ice cream without a fight and will gladly stand on the front lines with a picket to save Hunt’s and Blue Bell from those who value cooler temps and lower ocean levels. Wait, shouldn’t at least some low lying islands be submerged if Al Gore is actually right? I mean he did win an Oscar and all.
John, from the coldest winter in Daejeon in his recorded memory
I'm pretty sure there is some middle ground where we can have microwave popcorn that doesn't ruin everything else on earth.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what else to say... I'm a genius (an evil genius), I'm somewhere between 5'9" and 6' tall, I have brown hair (for now - I really want it blue :D), I am really good with computers, I run my own business, I'm an inventor, I'm a really nice guy, and I try to be a gentleman (but that doesn't always work out :P).
ReplyDeleteAbout me:
ReplyDeleteI see your hiney, it's bright and shiny, you better hide it, before I bite it!!!
Who I'd like to meet:
ReplyDeleteI want to meet the Blue Man Group, Bill Gates, Linkin Park, Eminem, Vin Diesel, The Rock, and George Bush (I would LOVE to hear him talk stupid in person).
tahts me. im the one who wants to meet linkin park
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part of BN's bio is where he says he is somewhere between 5'9" and 6'. Why don't you know how tall you are BN? And a three inch spread seems like a lot. It's like he couldn't be bothered to measure himself but is sort of guessing based on how tall his friends are or something. What a retard.
ReplyDeleteits hard to measuer when my hands are always busy touching bit**s or holding kegs or making computer money
ReplyDeleteor jolly rancher roses
ReplyDeleteGlenn: I think there is another kind of guilt--original sin. And while it's often (mis)taken to mean "They're sinners, we're saved," it at least allows some room for individual redemption and agency, and acknowledges that everyone's hands are bloody. Pair it up with a robust understanding of human evolutionary history up to present and you might even have a formula for a tragic human nature that can be redeemed and dignified (though not changed) through sacrifice and good works.
ReplyDeleteThe social collectivist "liberal guilt" elaborated in the above link, necessarily leads to racism by emphasizing the collective virtue or viciousness of different groups rather than individuals. It doesn't work--all it does is breed closet racists who teach their kids that they should be proud to be white and who nurse private grudges about not being able to say so in public. Not to mention members of minority groups who either blame all their problems on white people (bad) or secretly wonder if their own group is innately inferior (worse).
We're all spattered with the blood of the animals we eat, the people our ancestors killed, the babies who weren't born because our moms fucked our dads and not someone else, the neanderthals that couldn't compete with cro magnon humans, the reptiles that couldn't compete with mammals, etc. That's the tragedy of being--every moment is a new holocaust. No one can literally redress the crimes of their ancestors (and is George Washington any more my literal ancestor than, say, Miles Davis is?) All we can do is create an inclusive and generous present and future, and try our best not to repeat the crimes of the past.
A thought experiment: I'm white. Let's say I want to say, "Sorry." Who am I speaking for? Who will accept my apology?
ReplyDeleteJesus Christ John, just don't buy this brand of popcorn okay?
ReplyDelete@John - A)I only accept sandwiches as a form of apology. Or delicious Orville Redenbacher Natural Buttery Garlic flavor popcorn.
ReplyDeleteWhat about a fish head in a mysterious spicy red sauce?
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like something Glenn would like to eat. Hey, does everyone else see the little email icon thingies now? I set it up, but not sure if it works.
ReplyDeleteI wish they sold Newman's Own popcorn around here. Paul Newman is one of my personal heroes and his food is really good. A lot of his other foods are available here, but not his popcorn, which is one of his most popular items. Whisky Tango Foxtrot?!?!
ReplyDeleteI see the email thinger. R3 is so magical.
ReplyDeleteMay I direct your attention to the first entry in this list?
ReplyDeletePS - I get all my talking points from Cracked Magazine.
If there is one thing I need more of it is antibacterial edible panties.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Glenn.