If you don’t know what Mormonism is, well brother, you ain’t been watching HBO. It’s okay; I’m here for you. Mormonism is…I’m not really sure, to be honest. Something to do with planets. If you want to join, here are a few things to keep in mind: you can’t smoke, can’t drink, can’t do drugs, can’t drink caffeine, can't grasturbate, can’t be a homo, and can’t grow dark skin. The good news? Trampolines!!! Morm-os love trampolines! Half of my family subscribes. My BFF in middle school was one, and he was funny and smart as allgetout; he could do math problems like they were going out of style. My third cousin converted because he thought the girls in Provo were smokin’. And he was right. In conclusion, Mormonism is like Christianity, only not exactly. Like Judaism only not so much. It reminds me of Islam except never. Hinduism? No. Scientology? Hmm. Getting warmer?
Rating: 50%
(Image from trampolinesales.com )
The first girl I ever stuck my tongue down the throat of was a mormon. She didn't let me on her trampoline, though. No, sir.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of girls, who are "Marantha" and "Laura Eve?" Is someone cheating on their taxes?
ReplyDelete@Glenn
ReplyDeleteI got another great suggestion to make R3 more fun (not that exchanging insults isn't plenty of fun). Have you thought of adding that little star thingy at the end of each post so that readers can quickly rate it. An example of what I mean is in this blog:
http://mjb-lessonsfromlife.blogspot.com/
I kind of like the poems on that blog too.
Nice idea, McTavish... For a lazy, filthy, sheep fucking Scotsman.
ReplyDeleteI once knew a Mormon fundamentalist. He was fucking like 5 ladies every night. Well, he said he wasn't, but I'm pretty sure he was.
ReplyDeleteI think he was from Alberta too.
Here's another point re: that rating thingie: most of the people who read R3 are the people post on it and our friends. And the comments section of each post already functions as a kind of tacit rating system, but one that's capable of subtlety. If NBNL tells me my post was boring, it's funny. A 1/5 isn't funny, it's just kind of sad or mean. 5/5 stars every time, however (like the poems on that other bog), would be pointless. We might as well all mail each other fucking Snoopy valentines.
ReplyDeleteAll of the grunge kids at my high school were mormon, and they were also the most exclusionary of all the social groups. Maybe it was because if you weren't a mormon, you couldn't possibly be a grunge, but I'd like to think it was more of a proto-hipster instinct happening.
ReplyDeletei like the snoopy valentime idea
ReplyDeletehey that wep page with the hot momorns was p. sweet but alot of them have tattoos or smocke it dont make ne sense
ReplyDeletethat last post sounded to mean id idnt mean to call you a lyar viking andew but i wanna know if its okay with g*d that i have a boner b/c of these fly bi*****s
ReplyDeleteI've always preferred Woodstock AND Snoopy.
ReplyDeleteI knew a Mormon once. His family had a lot of canned food in their basement, so I was left with the confused idea that Mormonism was mainly about stocking up non-perishables.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I hear there's also special underwear.
@ Jesus
ReplyDeleteThe Mormons were the most insular and cliquish of cliques at my high school, too. If you were pals with one, that was fine. But you were never allowed to their official Morm-o outings.
My Morm friend also had a lot of canned food. My understanding is that they were stocking up for the End Times--a special moment, in which everbody could eat sauerkraut and baked beans.
Trampolines are fun.
ReplyDeletebtw did yall hear intenrenert jon call me his friend earlier that was tits as fuck
ReplyDeletethis linkned from the youtupe clip you linked to viking andrew
ReplyDeleteCould you top that hit?
ReplyDeleteDude. My best friend from middle school was Mormon, too. And her parents were also stocking up on canned goods. W.T.F.
ReplyDeleteIn all seriousness, Laurie: I was told the canned good drive was for the End Times.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAre there no farmer's markets in the End Times?
ReplyDeleteIt really sucks that at the end of the world, apparently we will all be eating canned food. On the bright side, after a week of eating lima beans and canned diced tomatoes, burning in the fiery abyss (which I assume will be my fate) will probably start to look a lot better.
I like canned spinach. It's slimy and salty.
ReplyDeleteyou would like canned spinach---you menses licking cow fucker
ReplyDeletewhile i respect the decision to delete ones comments i still thinik that whoever did it is probably a big fat retard slob shit head garbage face (not mean--thats just what the evidence tells me)
ReplyDeleteHas Big Love gotten good yet?
ReplyDelete