I can't decide what I love best about Writers and Artists--their maturity, their Herculean attention spans, or their robust psychological health. Maybe it's their insatiable appetite for intellectual conversation, their reverence for the classic works of Western civilization, their hard-nosed political and economic sensibilities, or their uncompromising work ethic. What ever it is, I think they render self-evident the argument for beating your kids more.RATING: Snowflake%
(Image from redwing.hutman.net.)
(\_/)
ReplyDelete(o.o)
(> <)
When did you turn into a twelve year old Asian girl?
ReplyDeleteI've started the beatings in your absence.
I told you to get to bed, woman! Don't make me stick the Instead Cup onto you!
ReplyDeleteYeah, that about sums me up.
ReplyDeleteAh, it's just jealousy talking. And I'll take any excuse I can get to beat my kids.
ReplyDeleteis that pokemon
ReplyDeleteu mad
ReplyDeleteu mite wanna skip ahead to 6:02 or so
ReplyDeletewhat ever
ReplyDeleteSETTING: A graduate seminar.
ReplyDeleteCHARACTERS:
Professor: PhD – Missouri-Columbia, 1966. Dissertation: "‘The Store Smelled of Cheese’: Gender Misidentification in Faulkner’s Later Works. " Qualifications: Over 80 essays “submitted for conference(s)”.
Nine Literary Studies Students
One Writer
One Poet (who is asleep before the class has started).
CONFLICT: Writer has read and annotated Huck Finn and is excited to discuss certain technical and structural decisions Twain has made. Five minutes after class has started, Writer realizes all Nine Literary Studies Students and Professor are discussing an essay by Leslie Fiedler. Writer is alarmed. Writer checks syllabus but finds no mention of said essay. Writer looks to Poet for help/reassurance/guidance. Poet doesn’t give a shit; Poet is tired (NOTE to Author: Add here a succinct but concrete detail of Poet—perhaps an object Poet carries or has on—in order to add humor and characterization [a Navajo shawl, perhaps, that the Poet carries with his/her person everywhere and uses to sleep in classes {Navajo shawls are inherently humorous}]). Writer feels stupid.
Sub-Conflict a) Both Writer and Poet have been granted a $10,000 “fellowship” simply for enrolling at university. Nine Literary Studies Students—none of whom have been given money for anything and are forced to live off student loans, TA salaries and second jobs writing bitchy letters to people who have unpaid library debts—are aware of “fellowships,” and are angry.
Sub-Conflict b) Only those in the Creative Program are allowed to take workshops. Nine Literary Studies Students, each of whom bash the basic principle of “teaching creativity” and see workshops as cultivating parity in literature and lacking high seriousness and, seriously, what would a workshop have to say about Nabokov? Hmm? What about Pynchon? Would Pynchon be understood by a workshop?, all stay up late at night writing epic proems (no sp.) and desperately wish to be included.
Sub-Conflict c) As a young lady, Professor applied to the Iowa Workshop and was rejected.
EPIPHANY: Writer realizes he/she is not in a graduate class at all but rather a meeting for the “I Want to Lick Spivak’s Toe-Hair Society.”
RESOLUTION: Writer admits to lacking a full understanding of Post-Structuralism or Post-Colonialism or, hell, even basic principles of Continental Philosophy; and while Writer admits Nine Literary Studies Students have lapped him in these fields—the reward for which appears to be bad hair and a little nook from an off-kilter grad student from time to time—he also knows such knowledge won’t save them from arguing over the return/exchange policy regarding socks and ties with some idiot at JCPenny.
Writer joins Poet in sleep.
Cute. What the fuck is a workshop?
ReplyDeleteMy lawyer brain cannot comprehend this post or any of the comments posted above.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I keep telling BNL to dumb it down, but he's like that fucking guy from The Squid and the Whale
ReplyDeletethats what keerkergard said
ReplyDelete(like thats what she sai
http://chronicle.com/jobs/news/2009/01/2009013001c.htm
ReplyDeleteBNL? That is not an official nickname.
ReplyDeleteBNL = Brent Newland. You're Viking Andrew.
ReplyDeleteI hate to be picky, but shouldn't it be NBNL? God, you idiot!!!
ReplyDeleteAre you sure the poet wasn't taking the class in order to network with the professor?
ReplyDeleteI like that BNL keeps up on the Chronicle of Higher Education.
ReplyDeleteHe's more machine than man.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe we're still making fun of Brent Newland.
ReplyDeleteLoco,
ReplyDeleteThe Poet only networks with poetry professors, especially those who wear floral vests and dad-jeans.
i was actually googling "chronic"
ReplyDeleteAnothing Reviews takeoff:
ReplyDeletehttp://reviewsreviews.blogspot.com/
Can't trash that one. It'd be like kicking the crutches out from under a retarded kid.
ReplyDeleteAlso, comments section permits hyperlinking.
ReplyDeleteIt also permits you to use your fucking fingers to copy and paste.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you just put your computer monitor into a photocopier, put the photocopies into stamped envelopes and fucking mail them to us to type out ourselves?
ReplyDeleteYou're just lazy because you're drunk.
That's just way over the line, John.
ReplyDeleteLet's fight!
ReplyDeleteI'd fight you if you weren't such a pussy.
ReplyDeleteI'll cut yuir face, ye dairty mick!
ReplyDeleteI'll lift your kilt laddie and make stew out of your balls.
ReplyDeleteGay is it? And so what if it is? Do you want to make something of it?
ReplyDelete(You're drunk right now aren't you?)
I don't think you should group creative people together as a class, Jon from Canada. I think most of them are lower class.
ReplyDeleteGuys I am watching Gossip Girl right now it's so good.
ReplyDelete