Art is totally lame and/or for gaywads. If I had $8,500, I wouldn't give one cent to art it sucks so bad. People are always writing poems that don't rhyme, or painting some dumb picture that looks like it was done by an epileptic three year old, and I'm supposed to hock over my hard earned dough? Hell no this is America. The only things I hock over my money for kill people or blow things up.
RATING: <.000001%, or not-even-$1 million-out-of-almost-$1 trillion
If art would stop presenting itself as the avant garde enemy of everyday life, maybe Joe Sixpack would bother learning the difference between real art and velvet paintings of dogs playing poker.
ReplyDeleteReally--who reads contemporary "serious" poetry besides other poets? Contemporary "serious" fiction besides other fiction writers? Who reads the boring bullshit that English professors write except other English professors? Who actually cares about Matthew Barney except rich twats who went to Yale? North American "high culture" has been in an incestuous, narcissistic and sterile dialogue with itself for decades. If the average person prefers a plaster Jesus on the Cross or a painting of a snow-covered field to tasteless bullshit like J.P. Witkin and Damien Hirst, I say good for them. People like some corny shit, but IMO it's at least better than retarded, clichéd, academically justified, grant-funded sociopathy.
Motherfuck.
This is where your tax money goes.
ReplyDeleteI always feel pressured to act like I care about Art. I feel people assume because I like writing and Writing, I also like Art. And then it's like an awkward dance to not offend someone who thinks Art is the greatest.
ReplyDeleteArt that isn't bullshit is the greatest.
ReplyDeletei went to yale jerk
ReplyDeleteFuck art, let's dance.
ReplyDeleteWhat are those white specks, anyway? Corn? Diamonds?
ReplyDeleteIt's corn. They're yellow, if you zoom in really close. Although maybe if they were diamonds, it would be real art.
ReplyDeletePS - I am just being bitchy about being locked out of the stimulus package. If only I was an engineer/rich person.
Yeah, nothing brings out the philistine in the common person like difficult economic times.
ReplyDeleteCase in point: the Dark Ages.
Case in point: Korea.
Matthew Barney is getting a lot of play on R3 recently.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I reviewed Barney over at TPM last year, but it's too long to repost here. The last paragraph is pretty sweet though.
ReplyDeleteI think I just learned how to hate you all. Art fucking rocks. Poetry, on the other hand, is for gaywads. R3 is kind of pissing me off this week. I suppose I could fight back with some thoughtful reviews. Or I could just take my damn ball and go home. Metaphorically speaking. In conclusion, Glenn is a gaywad.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that Glenn has thick skin and is not bothered by all these put-downs. I think he has the power to shut R3 down and although R3 is often (perhaps usually) stupid, it's stupid in a homey way, so I would miss it.
ReplyDeleteStupid? Please. We're fucking geniuses. Also, we sign our names to our posts, so we're not pussies. *Ahem*
ReplyDeleteI don't think Glenn is a gaywad, although he may be some other kind of wad. Perhaps he's crying on the inside.
Glenn, do you need a hug? And does the power you wield over your fellow bloggers ever give you an erection?
I don't want to hug you if you have an erection.
ReplyDeleteGo ahead, hug his erection. We won't tell anyone. And stop pretending that you're not gay. All R3'ers appear to be gay or at least semi-gay.
ReplyDeleteIf I was gay, I wouldn't touch Glenn's pasty arab body. I'd go straight for Brent Newland and run my fingers through his greasy hair.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, of course, I forgot that you were Scottish. So if you were gay (and I'm sure that you are but I won't argue the point any further) then I understand your attraction to greasy hair.
ReplyDeleteAnd, although I'm not gay (or even semi-gay), if I was gay, the only R3'er that I would be attracted to is Chris. He's fucken cute and I bet he could pass as a twink.
ReplyDeleteEnough gay shit.
ReplyDeleteLaurie, why are you upset with R3?
Hot sports opinions concerning Art coming up, so stick around!
I'm not currently seeing anyone and I think I'm grouchy from lack of sex. I apologize for taking it out on all my R3 friends. Please let me know if you have any single friends in NYC so I that can get properly banged and become nice again. Or at least slightly less bitchy.
ReplyDeleteAnd I do feel the need to defend art since I love it and spent five years earning a BFA in studio art. And as much as I hate to admit it, the only poetry I give a crap about is Glenn's.
ReplyDeleteHow can you not get fucked in NYC? I assumed from what I saw on T.V. that everyone there was getting it on.
ReplyDeleteAlso, are you Anonymous? Because despite A.'s pretensions to the contrary, A. sounds a lot like a grouchy girl with a cock jones.
taht was some retarted a*s shit, lets all stop being babys and ananamouse go f*ck yourself motherfuck*r trying to stir up shit over at review blog you should be ASHAaMED
ReplyDelete(just kidding review blog friends just wanted to spit some venom out there cause yall were all hyped up
ReplyDelete(except about anonamouse you can still go to hel*
ReplyDeleteArt and poetry are both great, and the fact that 80% of both (and 95% of both at universities) are total garbage doesn't change that. Saying you hate art or poetry is like saying you hate music, or jokes, or laughter.
ReplyDeletebut... i hate jones...
ReplyDeletei mean jokes
ReplyDeleteI think what bothers me about Art is that it's a lot like Film in that, if I tell someone "Bring it On!" is one of my favorite movies and they are a big Film buff, they'll look at me like I'm a mangy animal. Every event I've gone to that celebrates Art has had a crippling feel of pretension. And I'm definitely not saying that Writing events don't have the same feel -- too many of them do. But I know less about Art and so I feel like I can't enjoy it casually without having my opinions judged up the ass. I wouldn't scoff if someone said their favorite book was "The DaVinci Code." I read Judith McNaught books, okay!
ReplyDeleteAlso I don't think Anonymous is a girl because they said if they were gay they'd do Chris. Which is like the ultimate straight guy compliment Chris, so rock on.
ReplyDeleteAnd John, there are like 125 straight guys in New York, and 122 of them are assholes, socially or sexually inept, or both. And they're all dating ridiculously hot women because of the awful ratio.
I think Anonymous is faking. That's why I said "pretensions to the contrary."
ReplyDeleteJohn, I'm pretty sure you're anonymous and you're trying to pin it on me to throw everyone off your scent. Punk. And loco is completely right about the men in this city.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous is a good speller, but his or her turn of phrase is vulgar. I'm insulted you would think so.
ReplyDeleteFuck. Did I say that out loud?
ReplyDeleteWhatever, it's totally you. All of anon's comments hit my blackberry instantly after yours. So it's either you or someone stalking you very closely.
ReplyDeleteInteresting theory, but untrue. However, if it's really not you, then I wonder who it is.
ReplyDeleteNah, it's you.
You.
ReplyDeleteI want a Blackberry. Can you review yours? I think I'm ready for one. I can't do touchscreens because I need tiny little keys to press.
ReplyDeleteAnd honestly, we should probably trade goodtime-guy Rolodexes. Fair's fair, right?
glen prepare to shit your dockers:
ReplyDeletewatch these motherfucki*ng trailers
Hey, let's stop all the infighting. I think we can all agree that everything is dumb all the time.
ReplyDeleteWell, maybe you could keep the infighting up until my post gets more comments than Chris' Bob Seger post.
Who's Bob Seger?
ReplyDeletefuck that. What about my John Updike post? Jesus. John fucking Updike. Post on Updike! Post on Updike! Post on Updike!
ReplyDeleteYou guys can all suck it because no one ever comments on my fucking posts.
ReplyDelete99% of my posts get less than five comments, but I trick myself into thinking I get a lot of comments by writing like thirty reviews a month.
ReplyDeleteLaurie when you come to Houston we can plot our Brainchild, vaginasvaginasvaginas. V3 will tear shit UP. Everyone else can just come to our blogbook signing.
ReplyDeleteYou got 21 comments on "Drunken Negro Head Cookies." I reviewed another website with the same fucking name as us, and took a pot shot at Chris Loll and got like 2 comments, for fuck's sake. And I got no comments on my Salsa Recipe Post, which was only the best salsa recipe in the universe. So I guess we all have wounds to nurse.
ReplyDeleteInternet John, I take it as a lavish compliment that you thought that I was Laurie. After all, she is stunningly gorgeous, exceptionally intelligent and I bet she even smells nice. If only the world had more people just like her. What a great place it would be!
ReplyDeleteAgain, thanks for the compliment. It made my day.
Cheeky.
ReplyDeleteFi'ty, bitches.
Oh man I can't wait for V3! I love how this post has just turned into one big ole bitchfest wherein we all take turns whining about how many comments we don't get.
ReplyDeleteI do not remember the salsa post. Was that during finals?
John = Anonymous
You cannot confused me with your compliments! Nice try, punk! And yeah, for the record I do smell nice. Like sugar and spice and every fucking thing nice.
Laurie, I think most readers of this blog would conclude that I couldn't possibly be John because if I was John I wouldn't just say "...and I bet she even smells nice." My personality would require me to add something like: "Except when she's menstruating and then I guess she just plain smells like all menstruating womyn do." And I'd probably throw in something about tampons, lubes and tobacco.
ReplyDeleteErgo, I am not John.
I would have put that Latin in italics, too.
ReplyDeleteAnd who said I can't appreciate the smell of a menstruating womyn?
John's a total fag.
ReplyDeleteYeah, obviously you can't appreciate the smell of a menstruating woman because the gays don't get that close to vag.
ReplyDeleteJohn, I just want you to know that the "John's a total fag" comment wasn't from me. Someone is impersonating me and if I find them I'll kick their arse up into their throat.
ReplyDeleteSeriously guys, I'm doing what I can to dispel the notion that I am either John or Laurie. Why won't you cats believe me?
ReplyDeleteOops. So who are you then?
ReplyDeleteFor a second I thought anonymous said he'd "lick their arse up into their throat." I don't even know what's happening around here anymore.
ReplyDeletesixtieth.
ReplyDeleteI forgot what we were talking about.
ReplyDeleteOh, right, art, and whether or not it deserves some gumnt money.
ReplyDeleteIn conclusion, yes, yes it does.
Thank you, good night!
ReplyDeleteThis evening the role of "Anonymous" has been played by Bob Seger.
Why did you delete the funny string where Glenn posted as me and then loco thought it was me? That was really good.
ReplyDeleteI know I was like, wow, Laurie was really excited for Art to have so many comments.
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone else feel kind of, uh, dirty after posting like 200 comments about almost nothing last night? Like R3 was the site of some weird quasi-Dionysian orgy of comment posts?
ReplyDeleteActually yes. I stayed up till 1 am commenting on R3 even tho I had to be up at 7:30 for class. I think our new slogan should be something to the effect of, "reviewsreviewsreviews makes you feel dirty...in a good way."
ReplyDeleteNow I'm pissed. There's no reason art should trump Bob Seger.
ReplyDeleteBob Seger is art.
I have an R3 hangover to go with my regular hangover.
ReplyDeletealrgiht everybody calm down!
ReplyDeleteI'm shooting for triple digits now.
ReplyDeleteWhat's most fucked up about visual art is that the market price is in the millions for some. Who knew art was also a commodity meant solely for private consumption?
Of course, I'm not saying I wouldn't mind owning a Jasper Johns painting or an Elliot Erwitt print.
ReplyDeleteAnd consumption is not the right word I was looking for, but whatever.
ReplyDelete#74: Now I'm just tossing around names.
ReplyDeleteAnd I actually do hate music, jokes and laughter, John.
Fuck, this reminds me...is dancing a sport?
It's more of a sport than golf, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteAnd bowling.
ReplyDeleteAlthough whenever I play golf I'm sore as hell the next day.
But you know, soreness can't qualify something as a sport.
ReplyDeleteUnless you'd be willing to consider masturbating a sport too.
trying... to... post...
ReplyDeletehave no... content... left...
ReplyDeleteart... so....... borning...
Laurie, et al.,
ReplyDeleteMy girlfriend also did a BFA in studio art. She loved it, though the pretentiousness of the people in the program drove her insane.
What makes me sad is that even talking about the visual arts (say, at a bar or, to use my uncle Art's term, "social function) has become a kind of pissing-contest.
Loco: I agree re: writing world and art. Writing is writing. Sure, a kind of art, but not really related in any direct way to "art."
Glenn and I talked about creating a kind of poetry that is non-art. I wanted to write poems about carburetors, stereo systems that would read damn-near like owner's manuals.
But I know less about carburetors than I do about poetry.
So now I drink.
did someone turn up the boring in here????
ReplyDeletei taught we were going to get to 100 coments and you bunch of poopfaces wanna start talking about whatever
ReplyDeletec
ReplyDeleteo
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its kind of effing up the ascii art--the last tow were the enterpriese and an x-wing use your imaginations
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damm let me find one that works
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that one got kind fo smashed but it was a dude in the shower and if you looked at it you are gay (even girlz)
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sok your strait again
ReplyDeleteyall'd be suprised how much pr0n u get when u type in ascii art
ReplyDeletei was trying to find a ascii goatse but none of them fit in the comment box
ReplyDeleteaer we up to a hunderd yet holy f i feel like my schweens flappin in the breeze yo
ReplyDeleteI think writing and art are directly related--they're just different modalities of the same creative impulse. Gotthold Ephraim Lessing's critique of Laokoön gets into how each handles time and space differently, how each can only gesture toward what the other easily represents.
ReplyDeletehmmm... modalities... let me ask you internet jon if your so smart why do you live in texas
ReplyDeletecase closed
ReplyDeleteAgreed John.
ReplyDeletesee Satre's Qu'est ce que la littérature?
i like greek statues casue they don't shy away from showing wangs and nips and i think thats important to my experience as a viewer
ReplyDeletelaura mulvy says: male gays
ReplyDeletei feel like i missed out on all the fun last night and now im about to go to bed and it feels like i slept through my b day or like that isaac asimov story or maybe it was ray bradberry where this kid gets locked in a closet by some meanie and the rest of the kids go out to play i dont know maybe it was a twilite zone ep that glen was telling me about or maybe it was a dream i had
ReplyDeleteIf I were going to be devoured by snakes, I'd rather I had my clothes on.
ReplyDeleteBNL: I ask myself that same question every day.
Chris: Sartre est un grand douche. Je pense que tu peux sûrment trouver quelque livres mieux, n'est pas? He wrote a pretty hilarious cookbook, though.
my point is, art blowz and i still dont know if this review was sarcastic or what the f
ReplyDeleteI think I butchered the grammatical gender in that, but it wouldn't be the first time grammar or gender were butchered on R3, eh, guys?
ReplyDeleteif someone wants to walk me through it it would be appreciated mucho
ReplyDeleteThe bowtie screams "irony," but the corn whispers "deadly serious."
ReplyDeleteart review is like aim for me now (kids still use aim rite?
ReplyDeletePourquoi?
ReplyDeleteDo you hate Kierkegaard too?
i didnt know that review blog decided to follow the cantadien rule that everything has to be in french and english i would appreciate it if you guyz wld bring these things up at board meatings
ReplyDeletewasnt this the same group talking about how excluded they felt from all that pretentous and eliteist art and and how they wanted to write carborator poems and now we're talking about sart and keerkeguard yall need to check yo asses b4 you reck yo assess and quit wit da jibba jabba b4 i turn you in to the hippocracy police
ReplyDelete(im the chief!
ReplyDeleteWell, writing poetry about carburetors in opposition to art is ironic.
ReplyDeleteFuck me, I just realized that I say everything is ironic.
I don't hate anyone. But I think Sartre's distinction between literature and the other arts, insofar as I understand it, which is not very well, might be ill-founded. Thought isn't language--it's just as much image (the realm of painting, sculpture, etc.) as it is symbolic or metaphorical. We're born with a linguistic faculty, and we're also born with a (relatively crude, but cultivatable) visual representational operator and a whole suite of evolved congitive modules, many of which play a role in our production and appreciation of all kinds of art. We might not know an e minor scale when we hear it, but we almost certainly enjoy hearing a major third and dislike hearing F and F# struck at the same time.
ReplyDeleteAnd how many times do we have to listen to a chain smoking Frenchman shit on the bourgeoisie?
Arguing from stereotypes, caricatures and my own ignorant assumptions of what people might have said sure is easier than staying up all night reading. I'm not a speed freak like Sartre, after all.
I drew a poopy.
ReplyDeleteu mab
ReplyDeletei mean mad
ReplyDeleteWriting poems about carburetors can be ironic, though I guess when I mentioned it to Glenn I meant it more to be an evaluation of form and structure.
ReplyDeleteThen again, I am the product of a creative class, which means I have absolutely no interest in content--only form and structure.
i cant let that be the last post
ReplyDeletepost
ReplyDeleteMaybe if this post reaches 200 comments someone might hock over some cash to art. Or maybe I'm just being idealistic...
ReplyDeleteDidn't notice the Blake before. Pretty sweet. Philip Larkin sucks tho. That's not opinion, it's objective fact.
ReplyDeleteO my goondess!!!
ReplyDeletepost
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